Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiancée doesn’t like my body

150 replies

pumpkin23g · 19/05/2023 10:25

I have lost weight recently (approx. 6 kilos) so I am 2 inches smaller on my waist & hips, bringing my hips down to 38”. Lots of weight loss around face too.

My Fiancée has always loved my body especially my hips, or so I thought.

A few nights ago (on the phone), I had mentioned the 2” loss around my hips/ weight loss generally. He asked if there is now anything left for him to pinch! I said 38” are left and he immediately mentioned that “it’s not enough”, as in my hips are no longer big enough, multiple times. (He is a bottom/ bum kind of man).

I confronted him immediately and he said he didn’t mean it like that &he wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying as he was browsing his phone.

The damage had already been done however and I have been left feeling very insecure and inadequate to the extent that being “not enough” continues to ring in my head, and I cannot fathom any intimacy with him anymore.

We have continued to argue about it, he is apologetic but doesn’t understand how it is a dumpable offence or that it hit me really deep, probably more so than it would most.

I genuinely do not feel confident to continue an intimate relationship with him, and I’m afraid I won’t come back from this or feel comfortable with him again. I suggested not moving forward with this relationship any longer. Am I overreacting? Is this something which is fixable, I feel with my reaction and low self esteem it is something that’ll continue to sabotage our relationship :(

OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 19/05/2023 12:35

” I just can’t kick the excessive fear of hearing “it’s not enough” in my head forever!”

TBH if you really can’t get over that comment then I can’t see how the relationship can work. He explained straightaway he didn’t mean it in a bad way and has apologised.

My honest advice would be to have a stern word with and don’t indulge your insecurities. It’s unfair on your fiancé and yourself.

Donotgogentle · 19/05/2023 12:35

with yourself!

Original poster
pumpkin23g · 19/05/2023 12:38

Goodread1 · 19/05/2023 12:23

What I mean on longer term@pumpkin23g ,!

Does your partner have form, past history of making you feel like crap💩 at all?

remember if someone anybody makes you feel insecure ect , you don't have to stay or have them in your life long term,

whoever long you have been with them, !

no, not at all! He knows I struggle with my body image (previously felt very “fat”), and he has always tried to reassure me. Albeit and as everyone can see, I have 0 self esteem so everything sounds awful to me.

I had an ED throughout my childhood/ teens and not a very good relationship with food/ body image because I was a chubby child who was always reminded of it! Coupled with a relationship I was in previously to my engagement, which was very toxic and traumatic - I’ve really been giving my poor fiancée an awful time! Because of just me :(

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 19/05/2023 12:40

You’re being over sensitive. If you like what you have that’s the main thing. Don’t be moulding your body for his approval, do it for yours. He can basically like it or lump it.

MrsDoylesDoily · 19/05/2023 12:40

I voted YABU on the basis your weight loss is indeed none of his business.

But you were the one who made it so by telling him about it.

Goldbar31 · 19/05/2023 12:41

Very much an over reaction.

SarahSmith2023 · 19/05/2023 12:51

KimberleyClark · 19/05/2023 10:32

He has no right to dictate how your body should be, I would think twice about marrying him.

He didn't, he just reacted to her going on about it. He's allowed a preference. If she hadn't gone on about it, he probably wouldn't have noticed or cared.

peachespeachespeaches · 19/05/2023 12:52

Your issue appears to be with your self esteem, not your weight, plus or minus 6 kg.

Work on being happy in whichever body you have and go from there.

LordEmsworth · 19/05/2023 12:53

You "confronted" him because he said something you didn't like about a topic you had raised?

Your body is yours, it's up to you what you do with it. I would hope that he would be considerate and not make thoughtless comments. But "I'm upset that you said that" would surely have been enough rather than confronting him?

Cherryblossoms85 · 19/05/2023 12:53

I think ideally you'd get counselling to handle this, it seems as if this is a triggering comment for you when it really wouldn't be for most people.

Curseofthenation · 19/05/2023 12:55

He wasn't thinking, I'd let it go. That said, is be insecure or perhaps a bit bigger? I'm just wondering if he's worried you'll look more attractive and get more male attention. It's sad but can be the case!

Nordicrain · 19/05/2023 12:56

Also, weren't you inviting discussion on your body my discussing it with him?

ExtraOnions · 19/05/2023 12:58

The only person who decides if you are “enough” is you. If you don’t think you are “enough” whatever he says will be wrong.

Value yourself more

Dontlistitonfacebook · 19/05/2023 12:58

OP your thread title says " my fiancé doesn't like my body". But from your postings it sounds like you are the one who doesn't like your body. It would be a pity to lose a relationship because of your own feelings about yourself.

Could you talk to someone about this? Get some professional help maybe?

I know how miserable it is to struggle with these kinds of feelings Flowers

Donotgogentle · 19/05/2023 13:02

Dontlistitonfacebook · 19/05/2023 12:58

OP your thread title says " my fiancé doesn't like my body". But from your postings it sounds like you are the one who doesn't like your body. It would be a pity to lose a relationship because of your own feelings about yourself.

Could you talk to someone about this? Get some professional help maybe?

I know how miserable it is to struggle with these kinds of feelings Flowers

I really agree with this.

The most you post OP the more it seems like you’re at risk of sabotaging a good relationship because of your past issues.

Henbags · 19/05/2023 13:08

It is not a dumpable offence. Poor block.

Henbags · 19/05/2023 13:08

Henbags · 19/05/2023 13:08

It is not a dumpable offence. Poor block.

Bloke, rather.

Blendintothebackground · 19/05/2023 13:11

You have massively overreacted and think he was actually being nice saying he likes you bigger.
Apologise and sort it out between you

Scarlettpixie · 19/05/2023 13:11

If he said her hips were not big enough anymore multiple times then it isn’t just a throwaway comment. I understand why you are upset OP.

CheekNerveGallAudacityandGumption · 19/05/2023 13:12

Wow.

You sound a bit immature to be getting married. A bit of growing up to be done yet.

Scarlettpixie · 19/05/2023 13:13

And it isn’t being nice to say he likes her bigger when she has lost weight and is still a healthy weight. Compliments should surely be made in relation to the weight she is now!

SoniyaJonas · 19/05/2023 13:15

Instead of fixating on your weight and measurements, prioritize your overall fitness and cultivate self-acceptance and self-love, as this advice comes from my own journey and personal growth.

DiddyHeck · 19/05/2023 13:17

KimberleyClark · 19/05/2023 10:32

He has no right to dictate how your body should be, I would think twice about marrying him.

I think it's he who should think twice about marrying someone with so many unresolved issues.

Harryisabollock · 19/05/2023 13:20

Even the thread title is slightly hysterical - not pinching an inch on your hips goes straight to doesn't like your body?? Think you have bigger issues to sort through that a small weight loss. Your poor DP should be running for the hills...

CheersForThatEh · 19/05/2023 13:21

I dont think you're ready to get married if you cant accept that sometimes your partner will, once in a blue moon, say fucking stupid things. Noone is perfect, he doesnt sound like he meant any harm.

I have an amazing marriage with a committed 5050 partner and even he has put a foot wrong now and again. Forgive him and move on.

If you cant forgive him for a thoughtless comment that says more about your body issues than him being an unmarryable dickhead.

Unless this is part of a bigger and worse pattern of behaviour?