Should I apologise 20 years later for a dress? (very trivial)

[DressRegret]

I know now that the dress I wore to my best friend's wedding was inappropriate, and since I realised, I've been quietly cringing. I even did a reading at the church in it (don't ask how I didn't realise at the time it was inappropriate - I was just an idiot, I suppose, and genuinely it didn't cross my mind that "dress for wedding" and "dress to go out in" differed).

WIBU to apologise after 20 years, or will it just remind her what a nob I was?!

NB I know the DRESS was U, but would a 20-year-old apology be?

YABU - you shouldn't apologise, it will only remind her. Or you don't need to.
YANBU - yes, apologise

The dress was very much like this: Bow Sweetheart Elegant Bodycon Polyester Mini Dresses (295285804) - JJ's House (jjshouse.co.uk)

Well I’ve definitely seen more inappropriate dresses at weddings and I don’t think most people really mind. So you were the glam, slightly OTT friend - when you were young - that’s fine! I love friends like that you probably gave some po-faced guests something to kvetch about which was fun for them too.

also it’s better than wearing an insipid nothingy dress. Admittedly I’m far from a fashion expert but I like bright colours and statementy outfits for weddings.

Rules of etiquette come from high society. MNers talk about ‘bad form’ and ‘done and not done’, that’s what they’re referring to.

The rules are not what people think - a low cut dress whether bridal party or guest is totally inappropriate for a wedding. MNers would apparently go all out to not to wear cream as some kind of major etiquette breach - but think low cut, short and tight is fine - which is far more of a faux pas.

I don’t personally care what anyone wears to weddings but be consistent.

I got married in my early 20s and lots of people wore stuff like this, most were similar age to me. I wouldn't think anything of someone wearing this at all.

This is funny!

The dress is too booby for church, but I doubt that bothered your mate, though it might have giving her granny something to talk about.

I was expecting something much more dramatic

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago and a friend of the bride wore a tight almost tits out jumpsuit. Big boobs, no bra. That was inappropriate. The dress you wore. Fine. Unless of course you look like the model in that photo and your friend is a munter. That would be inappropriate 😂

Someone came to my wedding in something shorter and tighter and lower cut at the time. Was definitely a night in the town type dress. Yours seems more appropriate. I wouldn’t break mr mention it if it’s never come up. Also what’s appropriate now is probably different to 20 years ago. Times change.

A lot of ‘etiquette’ is middle class rather than upper (not eating till the host does) and etiquette anyway varies across upper, whats OK in a Eurotrash (as you call it) wedding in Madrid wouldn’t fly in Norfolk, or Martha’s Vineyard for that matter.

So no, worrying bad form is not necessarily an aping of aristos. We don’t live in a mono culture even within social classes, never mind society as a whole - many worlds overlap. People who think wearing cream is off but short and tight is OK are one group (and not a group likely to use the term ‘etiquette breach’).

Charging bridesmaids for dresses has gone on for generations, it was an economic necessity. Charging guests for hotel packages is a modern thing but equally usually an economic necessity. Neither is intrinsically a ‘faux pas’ (a ludicrous expression) - you have to read the room in your own social setting.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that dress. I bet you looked amazing!

Hold your head up, smile and know you rocked it!

christ I can’t remember what I worse to weddings 20 years ago, never mind find a pic and cringe about it for 5 years.

There's a difference between etiquette and "good manners/societal expectations" in regards to behaviour and attire.

The latter is heavily influenced by culture, religion and social class.

I like to respect people's culture when invited to a wedding. Which is why I would not intentionally choose an outfit they would consider inappropriate. Whether that outfit would be appropriate for a high society wedding would not be a factor in the decision making process.

(Unless it was a high society wedding. But as previously stated: the wedding OP wore that dress to probably wasn't a high society wedding.)

I think it's a bit inappropriate for a church wedding. I've seen worse though.
You were 20. You thought it was ok at the time. You were lacking a bit of life experience about what is and isn't appropriate for different situations.
You need to forgive yourself and move on and you don't need to apologize to the bride.
I think most of us did things when we 20 that are a bit cringey now, with hindsight.

We were all expecting a wedding dress or something 😂
That dress is nice. Bet you looked great.

Etiquette = the rules of good manners/polite behaviour.

The rules for formal events people follow in the UK derive from haut monde whether you’re aware of it or not.

Other cultures have different rules of course.

The UK is not a monolith. Rules and expectations therefore vary. Are you honestly not aware of that?

Etiquette however was developed as a set (or sets) of written rules and then consciously adopted and imposed.

Is U.K. not monolithic? I’m so surprised.

Nonetheless the rules around wedding attire that MN swears by come under etiquette. There are so many different cultures in the U.K. now that this kind of stuff is absurd - which is why trying rigidly to apply rules that aren’t really rules is pointless.

Rigidity to rules is pointless, I agree.

But I still find it preferable to not insult the wedding couple. I therefore like to know the relevant rules and expectations in regards to the weddings I go to...

I’ve never been to a wedding of someone who believes MN colour code nonsense so it’s never come up. Nor have I ever been to a wedding where I was charged for anything which I would have said was highly insulting. I’ve also been to may weddings of different cultures - you do need to enquire of the expectations for those if you’re not familiar.

Was this appropriate for a day time wedding? Red can be considered inappropriate in some cultures for wedding guests. It can apparently mean that you had an intimate relationship with the groom...

Well unless one belongs to that particular culture it matters not one jot, so why does it keep being trotted out on MN as one of 'the rules'.

I wore a wine coloured dress to my DD's winter wedding and I'm going to be wearing a cerise coloured dress to my son's spring wedding.

I can be absolutely beyond any doubt that no one, but no one is going to be speculating on the nature of my relationship with either groom.

I think that dress isn't really appropriate for a wedding, especially (1) 20 years ago and (2) if you did a reading

But I wouldn't apologise for it now

It's a bit......surprising.....for a wedding, particularly 20 years ago, but I would honestly forget about it. Everyone else has!

I wouldn't apologise but if the wedding ever comes up in conversation I might have a giggle about it along the lines of 'those were the days when I was young enough to get away with that dress' or something. More of an acknowledgment that you may have chosen better with hindsight but if noone commented at the time then chances are it was fine at the time.

First up that dress is perfectly acceptable, secondly your friend will think you’re completely mental for apologising for what you wore to her wedding 20 bloody years ago (unless you are completely mental in which case I apologise) what on earth has even made you think about this? Seriously forget it, never mention it or think about it ever again

20 years ago bandage dresses were the height of fashion so, with respect, they you’re talking nonsense.

Hi, you have no need to apologise for being you! We all cringe at things from the past but just smile at them or laugh and remember have no regrets, you were just being beautiful you.

You friend loves you for who you are and asked you to do a reading. That is such a lovely memory ❤️

Have a lovely fun happy life & remember you only live once! 😊