Should I apologise 20 years later for a dress? (very trivial)

[DressRegret]

I know now that the dress I wore to my best friend's wedding was inappropriate, and since I realised, I've been quietly cringing. I even did a reading at the church in it (don't ask how I didn't realise at the time it was inappropriate - I was just an idiot, I suppose, and genuinely it didn't cross my mind that "dress for wedding" and "dress to go out in" differed).

WIBU to apologise after 20 years, or will it just remind her what a nob I was?!

NB I know the DRESS was U, but would a 20-year-old apology be?

YABU - you shouldn't apologise, it will only remind her. Or you don't need to.
YANBU - yes, apologise

The dress was very much like this: Bow Sweetheart Elegant Bodycon Polyester Mini Dresses (295285804) - JJ's House (jjshouse.co.uk)

That dress is very elegant op . I bet you looked lovely . Did she say anything to you about what you were wearing ?

It's fine, and definitely no need to cringe! I think you should apologise to your friend and then you can both have a good laugh about it and reminisce about her wedding, other outfit regrets, etc etc 😁

@DressRegret on a separate note, what a great website! I am looking for a dress so this is perfect 👍

I’ve been thinking for a while that Mumsnet is a bit bonkers when it comes to what you are ‘allowed’ to wear to other people’s weddings. That dress is absolutely fine and I bet you looked gorgeous.

I think short tight and booby can raise eyebrows and anything remotely bridal is a no no, but otherwise anything vaguely smart is fine IRL.

I was just thinking what I wore to weddings in the 00s (when I went to a lot of weddings) and wore something like the below with a white jacket (black and white complete no-no according to MN) and I wore various other slinky Jane Norman or Kookai dresses- seemed to be pretty standard at that time. Another time I wore an ivory linen trouser suit with a black blouse, and a silver grey/floral embroiery matching sleeveless top and cropped trouser set (a co-ord as they would be called now) also got a couple of outings. After DH and I got married and had DDs, I upgraded to Coast 😅

Meh, it's fine!
I thought you are describing some sort of see through handkerchief dress.😸😂
This is absolutely fine.;)

I think weddings are this weird occasion where people ( on MNs) are more militant about clothes and style “rules” than you find for any other event. As soon as people start talking pashminas I’m out of there. 😏

Reminiscing now, had a dress similar to this from Jane Norman.

Surely you must have been quite young at the time if it was 20 years ago? People wear all sorts of daft/inappropriate/skimpy clothing when they are young and figuring it all out, I’d imagine it was fine? Plus early noughties fashion was sort of quite skin-flashy and clingy?

I think you’re absolutely fixating on something quite random, very common, but you could just let it go.

Yes i remember a lot of people wearing outfits like this and looking perfectly lovely and normal!

No don't apologise now that's weird. Just be safe in the knowledge people would have been wondering what you were playing at at the time.

I actually think if you think this, you should apologise. Either your friend will think you're being ridiculous or will appreciate it, so you can't lose

That's nowhere near as "look at me" as the ops dress

No - apologising for this at such a late stage is not for the benefit of your friend - it's all about you and your feelings - assuaging your own guilt. Your friend by now has either forgotten or forgiven any slight, or might not have felt slighted in the first place. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Op, I understand your thoughts and I agree. The dress wasn’t appropriate for a Church wedding. And all the more so if you were at the alter giving a reading. But you were young and if you feel awful about it you could just acknowledge that in hindsight it was a bite bare for a church wedding and you just wanted to acknowledge that.

Did anyone mention your dress at the time? Has the bride ever asked for an apology?

In the real world that dress is perfectly fine for a wedding. It’s only on here that these wacky rules apply. Remember-wacky rules only apply to women and not men. It’s completely fine for men to wear whatever they want, even the same clothes as the groom. No, it’s only women who have to comply to sone imaginary rules which in reality don’t exist.

If it makes you feel better when I was young and didn’t know better I went to my friends wedding in a white dress. It was a tea length dress with large coloured flowers on it. I cringe but what’s done is done. I was 21, naive and didn’t know that white dresses were a no no!

Your friend surely won't be able to remember what you wore to her wedding 20 years ago 😂

You were young and it probably looked fine and you rocked it. In your mid-40s it maybe wouldn't be the right choice though.......

Amazing to me that so many think such a clingy, revealing dress is fine but one hint of white & you're shot down in flames!

hahaha!

Dont worry OP- your dress was fine. No need to apologise.

Sounds fine to me!

They might have done behind her back in a pwoooar look at her! Way. Creepy men.

It’s a lovely dress. My cousin’s girlfriend turned up to my grandma’s funeral in a similar one, blood red lipstick too. That raised a few eyebrows.

20 years ago was 2003 not 1846.