Should I apologise 20 years later for a dress? (very trivial)

[DressRegret]

I know now that the dress I wore to my best friend's wedding was inappropriate, and since I realised, I've been quietly cringing. I even did a reading at the church in it (don't ask how I didn't realise at the time it was inappropriate - I was just an idiot, I suppose, and genuinely it didn't cross my mind that "dress for wedding" and "dress to go out in" differed).

WIBU to apologise after 20 years, or will it just remind her what a nob I was?!

NB I know the DRESS was U, but would a 20-year-old apology be?

YABU - you shouldn't apologise, it will only remind her. Or you don't need to.
YANBU - yes, apologise

The dress was very much like this: Bow Sweetheart Elegant Bodycon Polyester Mini Dresses (295285804) - JJ's House (jjshouse.co.uk)

If it makes you feel any better my MIL wore a Laura Ashley full length bridesmaid dress she found in a charity shop to my wedding. 😂

My lady, just relax. My cousin wore a long red dress to my wedding, she looked fab, still love her and actually she is the only person I remember apart from my aunt, who also looked fabulous. Also, the style was the fashion back then. Breathe.

I said yanbu just because I want to know the best friend’s take on it

I wore white to a wedding once years ago. I had no idea it wasn't the the done thing. As far as I know no one minded and it was perfectly obvious who the bride was 🤷

I really didn't care what anyone wore to my wedding, I was just glad everyone was there 🙂

You're still cringing 20 yrs later? I suggest you get help.

I am sure you looked gorgeous and your friend thought you looked gorgeous and was proud and happy to have you do a reading! I wore white for a wedding once as a guest. I didn't know it wasn't the done thing. Also wore a dress far tinier than yours to another wedding. If you can't dress up for a wedding, when can you!

Hate to say it, but I think that was a bit of sabotage.

20 years ago, you wore a dress that was fashionable and you felt great in to your friend's wedding. That's it! Nothing to cringe about at all.

I personally stay away from an entire outfit it bright red. Not due the infidelity/ affair connotation. But it's not recommended where I'm from due to it being a very attention grabbing colour (black however is fine here😂)

I’ve worn red to a wedding twice. First time 30 years ago it was a red skirt suit and hat. Second time 17 years ago a dress and jacket combo. The dress had a white floral pattern and the jacket was plain red. I had no idea until I joined Mumsnet about the affair connotations.

I’ve also worn black - 35 years ago, black trouser suit with waiter style jacket with electric blue blouse and hat. And 16 years ago I wore black tailored trousers and a green jacket with a white cami top underneath. There was a woman in head to toe black at that wedding.

That dress is absolutely fine!

Slightly over 20 years ago I wore a pale pink knee length skirt suit with a sort of lacy low cut Morgan top to the Hindu wedding of friends. The friend holding the wedding had hated me from first meeting me and only invited me as she had to. So I arrived at the venue and spent ages telling me to put my jacket on over it, which when her back was turned it came off. My best friend at the time wore a dress which was worse really, it had a deep v neck effect and you saw a lot of cleavage.

I think in my case this woman hating me (irrationally) meant that I didn’t care what I wore and she tried more to police my top!

Thank god after 3-4 years she moved back to her home country of Australia, I don’t see the other friends now as they never really were friends!

Isn’t there a stigma/rules about no red to weddings?

When I was 17 my brother’s friend got married in a church and had a Hindu wedding. Late 80s and I wore a 50s style belted red dress but I had no idea of the no red rule. No one batted an eyelid!

That dress is not appropriate wedding guest attire at all.

But i love your funeral choice 😂

I’ve been to a lot of eurotrash royal and aristo weddings over the years (don’t ask): some white tie and tiara, some morning suit, some black tie. There’s been a lot of cream, light taupe, pale pink, pastel yellow, navy, grey, black, red, hot pink, orange, glitter, sequins, princessy (some of the guests are princesses).

The rules that MN believes in are not high society rules - The Princess of Wales wore a cream suit to H&M’s wedding.

What is bizarre about MN is people witter and fret over wedding guest colours yet think nothing of:
-charging guests for drinks
-asking guests to pay to stay in wedding hotel package
-charging bridesmaids for their own dresses

These are far, far bigger faux pas and complete no nos.

I'm going to guess that 20 years ago that was quite a fashionable look at the time and you (and presumably the bride and groom?) were relatively young at the time, and would not have batted an eyelid. I'm sure there were some older family members who inwardly thought, "oh dear, she shouldn't be wearing red" but I doubt they remember it now!

😂

It's not THAT bad OP, OK it's not a dress I'd choose for a wedding but it's not like you got blind drunk and snogged the Groom or anything, I'd just forget about it, I bet you no one will even remember what you wore, I can't remember off hand what my guests wore!

Mumsnet is the only place where wedding guest attire seems to have to verge on convent-chic or Victorian grandma chic otherwise you have RUINED the wedding.

In real life, short of attending nearly nude or in a long white dress you’re grand and no one bats an eyelid.

I wore what I now see (from a photo of me bending down to speak to someone) was an inappropriately short dress to my BFF’s wedding. I still cringe 13 years on. I’d just had a baby a month earlier, maybe it was sleep deprivation, but it was a shirt dress so ideal for breastfeeding…

You sound rather alarmingly self-absorbed. That would be more problematic for a friendship than a dress you wore two decades ago.

I wouldn't apologise after all these years but as a rule of thumb it isn't polite to upstage the bride, everyone should be looking at her not ogling someone else..
I'd want to wear that with a jacket over the top. It isn't suitable church wear.
Remember it's somebody else's big day not yours.

Ha, you're all brilliant. Thank you for humouring me, and for the unexpected reassurance.

To those who say they're concerned for me that I'm dwelling on this 20 years later, or say I must be terribly self-absorbed, please don't fear - as with most threads on MN, this probably gives the impression I think about this far more than I do IRL😁. It's a from-time-to-time AAARGH of embarrassment, and when I was looking on a wedding-based S&B thread yesterday it occurred to me to ask you all. I'm not sitting in the dress (now bursting at the seams), Haversham-style, wringing my hands in regret, shame and self-obsession.

Thanks again, all 😘

This 'don't upstage the bride' thing is new, I think. Here, people used to wear their best outfits, nicest dresses or trouser suits. Ideas about 'upstaging' anyone weren't part of it- of course, if people wear their best outfits they might look great or show some skin or get their legs out, that's pretty obvious.

I also have never heard of a church in which cleavage/shoulders are inappropriate, which are these churches? Again, I'm pretty sure I've seen normal people in strappy summer dresses at church weddings.

The wearing white I do agree is now a common rule, but I've only heard about it since coming on Mumsnet, and I did wear a white short linen dress like someone else on here about 30 years ago. The bride was in a huge white sparkly princess dress, I'm not going to ring her up and apologise 30 years later!

If you’d rocked up to my big day looking fabulous in a dress like that, and you stood up and did a reading, I’d think wow look at my friend. I’m really proud of her.

Yes, it's inappropriate for church (but then so are a lot of bridal dresses IMO). No, you don't need to apologise.

These "rules" (I would call them cultural and societal expectations) are obviously not universal.

The rules "MN believes in" not being High Society rules is therefore most likely irrelevant in this instance. Unless OP went to that kind of high society wedding.

Explaining that my low cut, red and sparkly dress would have been completely appropriate for a eurotrash royal wedding wouldn't change the fact that it isn't appropriate for a Mormon wedding.

The cultural, societal and social context of a specific event are relevant when judging the appropriateness of an outfit....