Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 18/05/2023 21:17

Mortgage rates may be your problem, OP, but everyone is in the same boat and they will be affecting market rates.

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 18/05/2023 21:17

I have scanned the posts quickly.

I saw that you mentioned that you clean all the house weekly (on Sunday) - so presumably including the shared guest bathroom? Or does your tenant clean it but on a different cleaning schedule.

You see I would hate it if I was renting a room with shared bathroom and the host had guests over on a Fri, Sat etc and the bathroom was left in a state and not cleaned for a few days.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts. I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

If your overnight guests have increased since the tenancy started I can see why your tenant has become more anxious.

MarkWithaC · 18/05/2023 21:22

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 20:54

Thanks, yes it seems such a small thing really reading back, but I genuinely feel uncomfortable.with toilet paper stuffed in door jamb etc and round toilet seat and the PA cleaning routine if someone goes in there, hard to explain but makes me very uncomfortable especially when I have friends round

Helped to read all the posts above, and things have come to a head which or good, although I didn't ask for an explanation of loo roll stuff as just couldn't

Show quote history

It really is not a small thing. It's odd and antisocial behaviour; that's why it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Bottom line is, it is NOT her exclusive bathroom.

MarkWithaC · 18/05/2023 21:26

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 18/05/2023 21:17

I have scanned the posts quickly.

I saw that you mentioned that you clean all the house weekly (on Sunday) - so presumably including the shared guest bathroom? Or does your tenant clean it but on a different cleaning schedule.

You see I would hate it if I was renting a room with shared bathroom and the host had guests over on a Fri, Sat etc and the bathroom was left in a state and not cleaned for a few days.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts. I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

If your overnight guests have increased since the tenancy started I can see why your tenant has become more anxious.

Give it a rest with 'a cleaning charge'. Of course the lodger isn't cleaning up after the OP's guess Hmm What else would 'I clean the whole house' mean? She means the WHOLE house INCLUDING that bathroom. Clearly. As well as providing housekeeping in the form of towels, soap etc.
If the lodger (not tenant) is 'anxious' about occasional visitors, she needs to find someone to lodge with who can provide a contract stating that there will never be a visitor in the house good luck with that-

MarkWithaC · 18/05/2023 21:29

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 20:48

It's really such a shame you can't help by telling your guests that come every other month to use your bathroom.

If this is your only gripe....

Why should she 'help'? The lodger was not let the room on the understanding that it came with a private bathroom. If the lodger has issues with sharing bathrooms, it was up to HER to discuss and clarify bathroom arrangements with any potential landladies/lords.
It's the OP's home and if she doesn't want to have conversations with her friends that she finds awkward, she shouldn't have to.

Honestly, I think some people on here are the lodger. Or at least would be nightmare lodgers.

ButterCrackers · 18/05/2023 21:34

She’s not the right lodger for your place as she’s clearly uncomfortable with occasionally sharing a bathroom. I don’t know the rights of lodgers but I’d be giving her notice to leave asap. Find someone who can manage having a shared bathroom and can manage having your visitors staying. She’s sounds better off in a studio flat.

HeyItsPickleRick · 18/05/2023 21:35

Wow I paid more than £600 a month to share a room in student digs off Tavistock Sq 10+ years ago. Shame I’m not single!! I think that’s a bloody steal!

GrumpyPanda · 18/05/2023 21:36

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 18/05/2023 21:17

I have scanned the posts quickly.

I saw that you mentioned that you clean all the house weekly (on Sunday) - so presumably including the shared guest bathroom? Or does your tenant clean it but on a different cleaning schedule.

You see I would hate it if I was renting a room with shared bathroom and the host had guests over on a Fri, Sat etc and the bathroom was left in a state and not cleaned for a few days.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts. I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

If your overnight guests have increased since the tenancy started I can see why your tenant has become more anxious.

Wait what? So if OP has guests over of an evening and they've used the toilet a couple of times you'd expect her to scrub the bathroom "the minute they left"?! You sound just as batshit as the lodger. Maybe she should hang some braided garlic in there against vampires as well?

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 18/05/2023 21:40

@MarkWithaC
You've hit the nail on the head.
This thread has raised some interesting points.
OP, you do need to feel comfortable at home as do your guests. Your lodger needs to feel comfortable too so she will have to reconcile the fact that her needs are different from the agreement she signed up to.
I remember paying £500pm for a room with ensuite in Croydon over 12 years ago! You should definitely increase the rent if / when she moves out.

Calling · 18/05/2023 21:45

OP, the lodger has made some assumptions including that you would not have people over (!) as she said and that the communal bathroom is de facto 'hers'.

Together with the passive aggressive behaviour, I think it is time she started looking elsewhere.
Good luck, its always awkward in these circumstances.

blueshoes · 18/05/2023 21:45

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 21:10

Council tax max 5% and apart from SC the rest isn't that much.

Are you saying OP is not justified in raising her rent to market rate beyond the increase in her costs? If the OP has to find a new lodger, of course she will raise it so more fool her current lodger.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/05/2023 21:50

In your position I'd just start using the main bathroom myself, other than if I needed the bathroom at night when I'd use the ensuite.

blueshoes · 18/05/2023 21:50

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 18/05/2023 21:17

I have scanned the posts quickly.

I saw that you mentioned that you clean all the house weekly (on Sunday) - so presumably including the shared guest bathroom? Or does your tenant clean it but on a different cleaning schedule.

You see I would hate it if I was renting a room with shared bathroom and the host had guests over on a Fri, Sat etc and the bathroom was left in a state and not cleaned for a few days.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts. I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

If your overnight guests have increased since the tenancy started I can see why your tenant has become more anxious.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts.

It is perfectly clear from the OP's posts that OP does not expect the tenant to do any cleaning. You are hallucinating. And as for OP cleaning after her guests, unless they have left it in a state, it will be cleaned at the next weekly clean.

It is not that difficult.

Honeyroar · 18/05/2023 22:06

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 18/05/2023 21:17

I have scanned the posts quickly.

I saw that you mentioned that you clean all the house weekly (on Sunday) - so presumably including the shared guest bathroom? Or does your tenant clean it but on a different cleaning schedule.

You see I would hate it if I was renting a room with shared bathroom and the host had guests over on a Fri, Sat etc and the bathroom was left in a state and not cleaned for a few days.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts. I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

If your overnight guests have increased since the tenancy started I can see why your tenant has become more anxious.

I doubt that the guests left the bathroom in a state. Most people are quite capable of using a bathroom and leaving it tidy! OP says that the lodger was huffing and puffing if they so much as washed their hands…

JMSA · 18/05/2023 22:13

My mum has a lodger and encourages visitors to use her en-suite, as the main bathroom is used primarily by the lodger.
It sounds like she could have OCD and the situation is stressing her out. I would talk to her, which would give you both the chance to air your feelings and expectations.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 18/05/2023 22:25

@JMSA I think there's an option to read the posts of the OP only. She's had a chat.

WisherWood · 18/05/2023 22:28

I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

Crikey, what do you think they're doing in there? Most people leave bathrooms pretty much as they find them. It's not like they spray anthrax around and you have to get in there with a hazmat suit.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/05/2023 22:51

Bottom line op is that this is your house and you don't have to put up with antisocial, passive aggressive behaviour from anyone in it including a lodger who pays really low rent for a bedroom and otherwise else shared rooms, you are not equal and if she doesn't like it she can move.
You are neither a charity nor supported accommodation for adults with issues.

Blinky21 · 18/05/2023 23:02

I assume she has ocd. I really stress out when visitors use my bathroom too, I haven't been told I'm.ocd but I'm very phobic of germs

DunkingMyDonuts · 18/05/2023 23:07

If the charge for a room with a sole use bathroom in Zone 1 is £1000 a month, then charge her that and your guests only use your ensuite when they come over.

Win-win. You get market rate and a lodger you like, she gets her own bathroom without having to move

Boomboom22 · 18/05/2023 23:16

Some of these comments are mad. It's op's house! She is not obliged to have a lodger at all and can charge what she wants regardless of her costs. And have guests! Who scrubs the toilet when the guests leave? If anyone was to do a no2 which I doubt, I'd imagine they'd check themselves not leave marks so what sort of a state will the bathroom be in?

VestaTilley · 18/05/2023 23:18

Very weird and unacceptable. Tell her it’s a shared bathroom and if she doesn’t like it she can move out. Put a lock on your bedroom door.

billy1966 · 18/05/2023 23:37

Wise that she moves on.

Best that you do not allow discomfort in YOUR home drift on.

Abouttoblow · 18/05/2023 23:56

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 21:01

Your costs haven't gone up in a year though. And this housing crisis has been happening for a very lone time,

Show quote history

How do you know the OPs costs haven't gone up?

Abouttoblow · 19/05/2023 00:06

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 18/05/2023 21:17

I have scanned the posts quickly.

I saw that you mentioned that you clean all the house weekly (on Sunday) - so presumably including the shared guest bathroom? Or does your tenant clean it but on a different cleaning schedule.

You see I would hate it if I was renting a room with shared bathroom and the host had guests over on a Fri, Sat etc and the bathroom was left in a state and not cleaned for a few days.

Do you expect your tenant to clean the bathroom after your guests have used it? That isnt clear from your posts. I would expect that if you have guests and they use the shared bathroom that you clean the bathroom the minute they leave. Your tenant is paying you rent, but that wont include a cleaning charge to clear up after your guests.

If your overnight guests have increased since the tenancy started I can see why your tenant has become more anxious.

How completely and utterly ridiculous.

What exactly do you think the OPs guests are doing on the bathroom?