Lodger and booby traps

[Hoppygolightly]

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

Have you thought about swapping rooms? And charging her more for the room with the ensuite? Seems a win win

Are you sure you live in Bloomsbury? You can’t even spell it correctly …

I think it could be time to get Scooby Doo and the pesky kids on the case.

"It's really such a shame you can't help by telling your guests that come every other month to use your bathroom.

If this is your only gripe...."

I agree. There will be advantages and disadvantages to any lodger so it's a pity to throw her out just for this.
I've had friends staying recently and finding their hair in the bathroom, etc. was difficult. And yes, it was worse with a man leaving the toilet seat up.

She might have an OCD but nobody is perfect. I wouldn't make an issue about it if she just cleans it without complaining. I would love my lodger to clean the bathroom! She has all the rights to sigh about if but at the end of the day she definitely knows she is cleaning a clean bathroom. 😊

Agree, this is just the start of strange behaviour. Need to put a polite stop to it now.

Has she found somewhere else to go? It strikes me that she will find it difficult to find somewhere at your comparatively low rent which allows her an en suite or bathroom to herself. What are you going to do?

I think this depends on the cleaning arrangements. Is she the only one who cleans this toilet? Or do you do it too?

If your visitors use it, I think it's your responsibility to clean it too. And if you are already doing so, you should have a chat to her. If you aren't, you should talk to her letting her know she is making this obvious, and you will help with the cleaning.

I would just start using "her" bathroom everyday.

All the "it's your house" comments:
She's paying rent so she gets to use the house and it is, in some ways, her house too, for a little while.
If you want "your house" to yourself, don't take on lodgers...

Honestly, your lodger is too clean, that's your problem?

Are you sure she's being noisy to "get back at you" or she just hates cleaning after people and that's her private anger which should not affect you and that we are all entitled to.

As for the booby traps, are they hurting you in any way?
I think she just wants to know whether she needs to clean the toilet or not.
Some people, like me and my parents, like to use a FRESH toilet, not just flushed toilet, and other people rarely hold up to our cleaning standards.
So we clean and we don't ask people because that's tedious... The toilet paper triggers are an interesting idea.

I would take your lodger if you want to kick her out!

She is not paying for sole use of this bathroom. She is paying far less than the going rate. This is OP's house, not hers. She is making OP uncomfortable in her house, plus OP's guests in OP's house. I think it's time for her to find somewhere more (or less) to her liking.

Imagine sharing a house with someone and not being able to speak to them?

You are lucky to find a mostly reasonable lodger who pays with no problems. Could be a LOT worse. No choice, you need to speak to her reasonably about this, prefacing the conversation with ... everything is fine, but.... what's up about the bathroom thing... ? Let's sort it out.

Question: who cleans this bathroom?

if it falls mostly to her by default as the one that mostly uses it, she is NBU. I’d not want to clean ( no matter how slight ) from random stranger using a bathroom that I don’t know and haven’t invited to use. So, you need to compromise around how it’s cleaned

if you have a cleaner, or you are responsible for cleaning, crack on with informing her she’s taking the piss - she is

I think she's out of order. When you are a lodger you don't expect sole use of the main bathroom. I take it you've not been regularly using the main bathroom whilst she's been living there, you've used the ensuite even if going for a wee? Don't do that with your next lodger.

How about a lodger at £950/month for 8 months a year and 4 months to yourself? Or AirBnB for mid term stays?

@draxdomax what a weird post

Your lodger has OCD. Not in the casual way we’ve come to talk about it. But actual. It may or may not be diagnosed.

lodger beleives the behaviour is entirely rational and that anyone who doesn’t see that is likely totally irrational in lodgers mind.

in future with new lodger - won’t help now - may be worth swapping rooms so the lodger has own suite. And you share with your guests. Although if I were to do that, I’d make it clear up front that if lodger has guest they use lodgers loo!
it’s a difficult one to resolve for now.
I don’t beleive that you will come to a happy outcome for the both of you, so decide if it’s worth a potentially distressing open dialogue or just giving guests advance notice.

my teenage DD has ocd and she would absolutely be your lodger in that situation. It’s very difficult to navigate.
good luck

She's ruined it for herself. So silly, has to be an OCD problem.

Personally I would start to use that bathroom myself once a day or so, just to reinforce the fact that it is not her bathroom! See how she reacts then

She sounds a bit weird but if she pays the rent this is no big deal. Let her clean more than is needed if she wants to. Lots of us would love to have someone at home cleaning more than needs to be done....

I'd say it's unlikely to stop there, though. She will encroach further, given the chance.

The lodger is paying for sole use of her bedroom only. If she wants to have sole use of a bathroom she needs to find an ensuite room not be passive aggressive with her landlady and guests

I agree with this. She is probably not doing it to be awkward, especially as she is ok in other respects. It sounds like she might need help and support with an onset or return of OCD. It must be difficult for you because on the face of it she's being unreasonable but please try to be gentle until you understand more where she is coming from.

The fact she's been using the toilet paper in the door shows just how anxious she is about using the room after someone else. 😔

Could you perhaps offer to quickly anti-bac after your visitors have left?

And reassure her you will tell her when you have visitors so it's never unexpected for her and she doesn't need the paper trick. If she trusts thatyou will always be honest then she will relax and simply give it a clean when you tell her someone visited.

Good luck!