Page 12 | Lodger and booby traps

Hoppygolightly · 2023-05-18T14:25:17+00:00

Hi I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house. I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

Blackbird2020 · 19/05/2023 21:41

@TheYearOfSmallThings
I would say you need to agree a date by which she will move out, so you can advertise the room. Then stick to it.

There is a risk she will not find an ensuite room or unshared bathroom for what she can afford, even in outer London, so if she is just "looking", the sulking could drag on without a fixed date.

This ⬆️

Flopsythebunny · 19/05/2023 21:52

Pegsandsunshine · 19/05/2023 20:11

Because my (tiny) room was so hot I could not sleep nor do anything else and even if I opened the window there was not enough fresh air to cool the room down. My room was a sauna and I was sweating and his would still be pretty cold. If he came home at night, I would wake up within 30 minutes sweating, unable to breathe in what seemed like a peak of heatwave. If he wanted he could have installed thermostats or whatever they are called on individual heaters so I could have turned mine down. He could not be bothered.

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But it's ok for the home owner to be cold?
You should have moved,

Notjustabrunette · 19/05/2023 22:04

This is so bizarre, how does she go to the loo at work or out and about or on holiday? Yes, the strange behavior would irritate me too.

toobusymummy · 19/05/2023 22:15

Is she the only one who cleans the main bathroom or do you do it? Just wondering whether its more a 'you never clean it so why should I clean up after your friends' situations?

Premiumchange · 19/05/2023 22:16

I'd be inclined to start using my bathroom from time to time, without giving notice. Removing all the loo roll traps and putting them in the bin.

I don't really think I could put up with someone trying to change their tenancy agreement by making me and my visitors feel uncomfortable and then giving me the silent treatment. That's what she's trying to do - force you to give her something she isn't paying for. Silent treatment in your own house? I don't think so.

TheHandmaiden · 19/05/2023 22:20

Just give notice. She is delusional if she thinks this is reasonable and she certainly won't do better in London renting. Her response is unreasonable, her silent treatment is unreasonable, her excessive cleaning is unreasonable and her expectations for a lodging room in central London is deluded

Totalwasteofpaper · 19/05/2023 22:24

I used to rent out my spare room with a shared bathroom in zone 3 over 6 years ago for 700pm!!!! And i had no ahortage of takers as it was below market rate and really nice.

Give her notice.
there are several people i work with who rent eho would chew your arm off. One is paying £1k inc bills for a room with no window?!?! And i dont even think its zone 1 or if it is its bordering zone 2

echt · 19/05/2023 22:25

The silent treatment?

Show her the door. Seriously.

Yellowdays · 19/05/2023 22:26

She sounds a bit unhinged actually. Certainly not in the real world.

MsRosley · 19/05/2023 23:35

Stompythedinosaur · 19/05/2023 21:24

I think you are right to stick to your guns. She isn't paying for a private bathroom and has no right to demand one or make you uncomfortable in your own home. I would have no tolerance for being given the silent treatment, would she be difficult to replace if you just gave her notice?

This. She's bang out of order. I would find her behaviour enraging, personally. No way I could live with it.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 19/05/2023 23:41

Wow she is getting a double room and bills in central London for £600/month?! Incredible, I couldn't get that 20 years ago. She is shooting herself in the foot, tbh I would ask her to move on, that level of entitlement is unpleasant.

whynotwhatknot · 19/05/2023 23:46

dont be made to feel guilty n your own house

she got a bargain and shes taking the piss you can prob get 900 for that room easy

shes going to gt a bloody shock when she looks at en suite prices

ThereIbledit · 20/05/2023 00:12

She sounds like a weirdo and I think it's best if she moves out. If she gets away with this it will just creep

Throughalookingglass · 20/05/2023 00:14

sillyonehetpes · 18/05/2023 20:48

It's really such a shame you can't help by telling your guests that come every other month to use your bathroom.

If this is your only gripe....

Its isn't the OP's gripe, its the lodger's gripe.

Isn't it a shame that the lodger has a double bedroom, a garden, a landlady who supplies clean towels and toilet paper, buys her takeaways, who cleans the house AND who asks for below market rate while the lodger only has to share a bathroom occasionally. In return the lodger makes visitors feel unwelcome and uncomfortable and gives the landlady the silent treatment.

OP this lodger might be nice enough but she isn't a good housemate. Arrange a moving out date and advertise the room.

I've a feeling the person who will regret her actions is the lodger!

CherryCokeFanatic · 20/05/2023 00:19

Tell her to get out your house and find a new lodger lol

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 20/05/2023 00:47

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 20:56

Lol come here !.

Double room, garden view , shared kitchen and big loungeand garden, mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

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mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

It sounds to me like you did make it out to be mostly her own bathroom just like you said here. Mostly own and shared bathroom aren't the same.

I had a problem with a CF roomshare where I was told the bathroom was mine for my use. I do have OCD and I hate others using my bathroom as people, especially men leave it a state. pee on the seat and floor, 2 hour man dumps complete with skids, beard hair in the sink and hair in the shower, water on the floor.

I was paying for the private bathroom too. It wasn't a month later she moves her mum in 3 days a week to watch her kids. Mum used my bathroom and left it a state. Even broke the damn door when the door would stick due to humidity and temperature changes.

If that wasn't bad enough, somehow they had a leak in their bathroom and now suddenly there were up to 7 people using my bathroom including me.

As for guests about he first month she would let me know when they were having people over, but after that they'd do whatever that fuck they felt like parties, etc.

If this male guest is someone you're shagging, surely he can use your bathroom can't he.

I suspect you're just trying to present yourself in the best light here.

whynotwhatknot · 20/05/2023 00:50

she wasnt told the bathroom was privately hers though

blueshoes · 20/05/2023 01:03

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 20/05/2023 00:47

mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

It sounds to me like you did make it out to be mostly her own bathroom just like you said here. Mostly own and shared bathroom aren't the same.

I had a problem with a CF roomshare where I was told the bathroom was mine for my use. I do have OCD and I hate others using my bathroom as people, especially men leave it a state. pee on the seat and floor, 2 hour man dumps complete with skids, beard hair in the sink and hair in the shower, water on the floor.

I was paying for the private bathroom too. It wasn't a month later she moves her mum in 3 days a week to watch her kids. Mum used my bathroom and left it a state. Even broke the damn door when the door would stick due to humidity and temperature changes.

If that wasn't bad enough, somehow they had a leak in their bathroom and now suddenly there were up to 7 people using my bathroom including me.

As for guests about he first month she would let me know when they were having people over, but after that they'd do whatever that fuck they felt like parties, etc.

If this male guest is someone you're shagging, surely he can use your bathroom can't he.

I suspect you're just trying to present yourself in the best light here.

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You are projecting and it is partly your OCD speaking. Lodger did not pay for her own bathroom and she does not get one. Frankly it does not even matter what the original deal is. OP can get rid of a below-market lodger who makes her and her guests uncomfortable under her own roof for whatever reason.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 20/05/2023 06:57

Do not give any outward concessions in regards to the previous notice/ booked bathroom slots.

She is giving you the silent treatment, trying monitor you/your guests and now she's also giving you the silent treatment?

That's incredibly rude and controlling!
I would suggest making it clear that you will have guests, that they will use her bathroom (no more letting them into your en suite).

Seems like this is your chance to give her notice.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 20/05/2023 07:06

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 20/05/2023 00:47

mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

It sounds to me like you did make it out to be mostly her own bathroom just like you said here. Mostly own and shared bathroom aren't the same.

I had a problem with a CF roomshare where I was told the bathroom was mine for my use. I do have OCD and I hate others using my bathroom as people, especially men leave it a state. pee on the seat and floor, 2 hour man dumps complete with skids, beard hair in the sink and hair in the shower, water on the floor.

I was paying for the private bathroom too. It wasn't a month later she moves her mum in 3 days a week to watch her kids. Mum used my bathroom and left it a state. Even broke the damn door when the door would stick due to humidity and temperature changes.

If that wasn't bad enough, somehow they had a leak in their bathroom and now suddenly there were up to 7 people using my bathroom including me.

As for guests about he first month she would let me know when they were having people over, but after that they'd do whatever that fuck they felt like parties, etc.

If this male guest is someone you're shagging, surely he can use your bathroom can't he.

I suspect you're just trying to present yourself in the best light here.

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There is nothing in the OP suggesting that the lodger was paying for a private bathroom.

There is also no indication that guests are using it and leaving a mess.

The situation you describe sounds awful. But it seems as if you're projecting, tbh.

Premiumchange · 20/05/2023 07:25

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 20/05/2023 00:47

mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

It sounds to me like you did make it out to be mostly her own bathroom just like you said here. Mostly own and shared bathroom aren't the same.

I had a problem with a CF roomshare where I was told the bathroom was mine for my use. I do have OCD and I hate others using my bathroom as people, especially men leave it a state. pee on the seat and floor, 2 hour man dumps complete with skids, beard hair in the sink and hair in the shower, water on the floor.

I was paying for the private bathroom too. It wasn't a month later she moves her mum in 3 days a week to watch her kids. Mum used my bathroom and left it a state. Even broke the damn door when the door would stick due to humidity and temperature changes.

If that wasn't bad enough, somehow they had a leak in their bathroom and now suddenly there were up to 7 people using my bathroom including me.

As for guests about he first month she would let me know when they were having people over, but after that they'd do whatever that fuck they felt like parties, etc.

If this male guest is someone you're shagging, surely he can use your bathroom can't he.

I suspect you're just trying to present yourself in the best light here.

Show quote history

I suspect you're projecting here. This is a post about a lodger who has use of a shared bathroom. Unlike you, she doesn't have her own bathroom included in her cheap rent.

Pegsandsunshine · 20/05/2023 07:41

Flopsythebunny · 19/05/2023 21:52

But it's ok for the home owner to be cold?
You should have moved,

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Hello, are you my ex-landlord?
Landlord's jobis to make the living space habitable. He didn't do this job as the room was not habitable, and me moving out would/did not change anything as there would be the next person and the next. When you are cold, yo ucan put clothes on. When your room is 50 degrees, not much you can do sadly outside stripping, which did not help.
He was actually super lucky with me as I stayed for a few months. When I moved out, surprise, he could not find amyone for the room long term, he had a few short stints for a few days/weeks and long breaks, and eventually had to sell the house 6 months later as he could nto afford payng for it on his own, karma is a b....

ExcaliburBaby · 20/05/2023 07:56

you sound really patient and like you’ve approached this with her in a measured and calm way. you aren’t being unreasonable to expect to have guests staying and not being made to uncomfortable. she either needs to rent somewhere with an ensuite or to change her expectations/behaviour.

blahblahblah1654 · 20/05/2023 08:18

You sound really nice and a good landlord. You've tried to be reasonable. I'd just serve her notice now.

TenoringBehind · 20/05/2023 09:13

Serve her notice. She sounds really weird.

you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in your own home.

I’d be removing the wedged toilet paper, asking her not to do it again, and encouraging guests to use that bathroom.