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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 19/05/2023 13:19

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 13:10

Horrifying?

Show quote history

Absolutely! Imagine if you woke up and went to use the bathroom in your tshirt and pants and there's a random guy in the hallway.

Worst nightmare!

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 13:27

Pinkbonbon · 19/05/2023 13:19

Absolutely! Imagine if you woke up and went to use the bathroom in your tshirt and pants and there's a random guy in the hallway.

Worst nightmare!

Show quote history

That's an overnight guest.

Pinkbonbon · 19/05/2023 13:34

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 13:27

That's an overnight guest.

Show quote history

That very much depends on when I wake up now though doesn't it xD

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 13:40

Just to clarify!

If I have a friend staying of course I mention it , it's just polite

I don't have random male overnight guests using that bathroom !!!!

If I have a friend staying for the weekend , they may use that bathroom but they absolutely do not leave a mess

At this point it's the toilet paper stuffed in the door and the silent treatment getting on my nerves

I generally bend over backwards to acccomdate her , but this is tiresome

I'm not booking the main bathroom for a slot for my friend to use in 2 weeks , and Even If I did , my poor friend still has to watch whilst lodger frantically cleans and sprays bathroom as if someone has done a poonami in there ...it's uncomfortable

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/05/2023 13:45

I would say you need to agree a date by which she will move out, so you can advertise the room. Then stick to it.

There is a risk she will not find an ensuite room or unshared bathroom for what she can afford, even in outer London, so if she is just "looking", the sulking could drag on without a fixed date.

Bunnywabbity · 19/05/2023 13:55

How do you give her advanced warning of when guests will use the bathroom - will you give them a timetable??? She has assumed you wouldn't have guests to stay and that the bathroom is her own. This is nuts.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 13:59

Maybe try frantically cleaning and spraying every time she uses the bathroom.

UndermyShoeJoe · 19/05/2023 14:05

She must be spraying so much to cover the fact her attitude stinks badly.

Give her notice and get your advert up for a new lodger. Big letters SHARED bathroom.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 14:05

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 13:59

Maybe try frantically cleaning and spraying every time she uses the bathroom.

That made me laugh

But that's so rude...I wouldn't be able to even to make a point!

OP posts:
DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 14:09

Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 14:05

That made me laugh

But that's so rude...I wouldn't be able to even to make a point!

Show quote history

Doesn't bother her...

TwoBlueFish · 19/05/2023 16:22

from her reaction to your chat you just need to give her notice and tell her to stop leaving toilet paper traps as it’s a waste.

MovinGroovinBarbie · 19/05/2023 16:24

It's probs so she knows to clean it, which would imply it's not about visible mess but germs.

IglesiasPiggl · 19/05/2023 16:45

Whatever the reason for her behaviour, it's making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, so it's time for her to look elsewhere for her accommodation.

DunkingMyDonuts · 19/05/2023 19:21

@Hoppygolightly sorry if you said and I missed the answer, but have you offered for her to have exclusive use of the bathroom for the going rate of £1000 - 1200 a month?

Pegsandsunshine · 19/05/2023 19:51

This is problem with a live in landlord... I feel for both of you although she is unreasonable in the end. But it's like, she pays and in her head this is partially her property (although it isn't).
I once rented a room with a live in landlord and ofc he wanted to live his way while taking the money but there were things that I expected paying for the room, and it was tough (he liked having the house very hot so would put temp up, also his room was big and colder, mine was small and after 30 minutes of heating was a sauna, so Id go and turn the heating down and he's go and turn it back up).
Some people are particular about bathrooms/toilets, maybe she is scared of germs and sees 'her' bathroom becoming like a public toilet. Again, unreasonable, also knowing how mch she is paying, but I can see how she is thinking.

I think you need to give her notice. She will most likely not find an ensuite and will be having a house share with lots of people sharing the bathroom and will only then realise how good she had it.

Flopsythebunny · 19/05/2023 20:00

Pegsandsunshine · 19/05/2023 19:51

This is problem with a live in landlord... I feel for both of you although she is unreasonable in the end. But it's like, she pays and in her head this is partially her property (although it isn't).
I once rented a room with a live in landlord and ofc he wanted to live his way while taking the money but there were things that I expected paying for the room, and it was tough (he liked having the house very hot so would put temp up, also his room was big and colder, mine was small and after 30 minutes of heating was a sauna, so Id go and turn the heating down and he's go and turn it back up).
Some people are particular about bathrooms/toilets, maybe she is scared of germs and sees 'her' bathroom becoming like a public toilet. Again, unreasonable, also knowing how mch she is paying, but I can see how she is thinking.

I think you need to give her notice. She will most likely not find an ensuite and will be having a house share with lots of people sharing the bathroom and will only then realise how good she had it.

Why did you think it acceptable to mess about with the thermostat?
Your landlord was entitled to have the heating at whatever temperature he felt comfortable with. You were renting a room in his house, not the whole house. You could have opened your bedroom window.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 20:10

DunkingMyDonuts · 19/05/2023 19:21

@Hoppygolightly sorry if you said and I missed the answer, but have you offered for her to have exclusive use of the bathroom for the going rate of £1000 - 1200 a month?

Hi, she struggles with 600 a month so I know she couldn't go any higher

OP posts:
Pegsandsunshine · 19/05/2023 20:11

Flopsythebunny · 19/05/2023 20:00

Why did you think it acceptable to mess about with the thermostat?
Your landlord was entitled to have the heating at whatever temperature he felt comfortable with. You were renting a room in his house, not the whole house. You could have opened your bedroom window.

Show quote history

Because my (tiny) room was so hot I could not sleep nor do anything else and even if I opened the window there was not enough fresh air to cool the room down. My room was a sauna and I was sweating and his would still be pretty cold. If he came home at night, I would wake up within 30 minutes sweating, unable to breathe in what seemed like a peak of heatwave. If he wanted he could have installed thermostats or whatever they are called on individual heaters so I could have turned mine down. He could not be bothered.

Strawberrydelight78 · 19/05/2023 20:58

She sounds a bit OCD/germphobic.

winterchills · 19/05/2023 21:18

She sounds very odd and like she thinks that bathroom is hers! Crazy!

Stompythedinosaur · 19/05/2023 21:24

I think you are right to stick to your guns. She isn't paying for a private bathroom and has no right to demand one or make you uncomfortable in your own home. I would have no tolerance for being given the silent treatment, would she be difficult to replace if you just gave her notice?

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/05/2023 21:28

Bloody hell @Hoppygolightly I wish my daughter had seen your advert. Your lodger has no idea how lucky she is.

Bloomsbury is where I fantasy flat hunt when I put the lottery on.

Dixiechickonhols · 19/05/2023 21:34

Just give her notice and get a new lodger making clear that it’s use of a shared bathroom.

CutesyUserName · 19/05/2023 21:37

Having recently asked a female lodger to leave after two years for similar reasons, I feel your pain.

I can't see how you can come back from this with your lodger - I think unless you give up your en-suite room and charge her more rent for it (not a route I'd go down with her now she's shown her true colours) you should give her reasonable notice to find something else as soon as you can and save yourself the aggro and nerves of having an increasingly stroppy stranger living in your house.

blueshoes · 19/05/2023 21:38

OP, you should not have to accept the silent treatment from any one who leaves toilet paper on the bathroom floor in your home whom you are not married to and whose name is on the title deeds.

She is going to hang on because she cannot get a better deal for 600. To not prolong the agony, best to agree with her a moving out date and say you want to start showing prospective lodger around very soon. Hopefully that will freak her out enough to get herself out of there.

As for posters saying better the devil you know, if the next lodger does not work out, then also give them notice. The disruption is on the lodger's end and less the landlord's. Just be very matter of fact about things. No need to put up with cf behaviour in your own home.