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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD build a den in the communal garden?

160 replies

RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:13

We have a communal garden around our block of flats. Each ground floor flat also has their own garden.

When my DC were small, I kept a sunshade stand by the sand pit and bench (only fixed items in garden) to use when we were out.

Neighbour, when her eldest (now6) was small, fixed up a permanent sunshade. Which then became a tent with picnic table, which now has become a fenced off area, woodchip floor, tepee, picnic table, kids kitchen, plants planted into the communal area to give shade when they grow. Plus two swings on trees bordering the next property. She hasn't asked permission from anyone and even has her own garden!

TBh it pisses me off as it's the only
flat area of ground in the garden and my DC are too old/big to use it and now they have nowhere to play e.g Badminton or frisbee.

My DD, has over the past week or so been collecting twigs and lashing them together with string to make a den between two bushes in the corner of the garden where she and a couple of the older girls fit.

Yesterday a couple of kids from over the road came over to play and help. Late last night I got a message from the mum asking if she could come today and break down the den. I've no idea why. I've said I'm in and she can call and we can look at it together.

It's in my (communal) garden, not hers.
It's built with my string!
Is a den like this dangerous for some reason?

YABU - break it down
YANBU - can't see anything wrong with a den for the summer

To let DD build a den in the communal garden?
OP posts:
Cakeandslippers · 18/05/2023 08:17

So this is a shared garden you both have access too. She's fenced off a big area so no one else can use it and she wants you to remove this from inside some bushes??

If I've got that right then how odd, and of course you shouldn't remove it (unless it's impacting on other neighbours though can't see how it would). Why does she think she's allowed to fence off part of the garden?

DingDongDenny · 18/05/2023 08:18

While she's there ask her to take down her installment so your kids can play badminton in their garden

YouveGotAFastCar · 18/05/2023 08:19

To be clear - do you have access to the bit of the garden she’s done up, but your kids are too old for it now so aren’t interested, or is it fenced off from you?

Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:19

No. My neighbour B from the ground floor of the next block of flats has built up our communal garden.

The mum S, who is complaining and wants to break down DD's den lives across the road, has no rights to our communal garden. Her DC spend half their time here though.

OP posts:
SunnySaturdayMorning · 18/05/2023 08:20

So why even mention the neighbour who built all the other stuff if she isn’t even involved in this situation?

Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:21

@YouveGotAFastCar yes, my DC have access to it but are too large to fit inside the tepee, that's intended for the 4 2-6 year olds in the block (2 are B's), and not interested in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:22

@SunnySaturdayMorning to point out the issue of building something in the garden doesn't seem to be an issue.

OP posts:
Fandabedodgy · 18/05/2023 08:22

2 separate issues

If you are unhappy with the built up
area In communal garden then raise it with the neighbours who has done this or whatever other body is appropriate- landlord, council, HA, Factor, Residents Association or take legal action

Neighbour across the road - nicely tell her it's not her business

SunnySaturdayMorning · 18/05/2023 08:24

RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:22

@SunnySaturdayMorning to point out the issue of building something in the garden doesn't seem to be an issue.

Right, except you didn’t make it at all clear that they were entirely different people.

BusyMum47 · 18/05/2023 08:27

Fandabedodgy · 18/05/2023 08:22

2 separate issues

If you are unhappy with the built up
area In communal garden then raise it with the neighbours who has done this or whatever other body is appropriate- landlord, council, HA, Factor, Residents Association or take legal action

Neighbour across the road - nicely tell her it's not her business

This! ⬆️
Clearly if the person complaining about the den has no claim on the garden whatsoever, then shut her down - why 'look at it together'? - it's none of her business.

Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:30

@BusyMum47 her message initially said was coming over to break it down. She didn't ask.

I have no idea why she wants to break it down and am wondering if there is a safety issue I have thought of.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 18/05/2023 08:33

I’ll remove the den when you remove your stuff. I’m allowed to have things in my communal garden. You aren’t

ViaRia01 · 18/05/2023 08:41

I guess you’ll find out soon enough when she comes to chat. My guess is potentially an issue for wildlife…? I don’t know what specifically… but something clocking the natural environment causing as issue for birds etc.

It seems strange though that she think she has authority to decide what should/ should not be in your communal garden.

MuggleMe · 18/05/2023 08:45

I can't believe you ever put up with the neighbour using your garden and putting stuff in it! Are any of the children who use it entitled to be using your garden or all neighbours?! Anyway, assuming none of the legit people are complaining about the den leave it, but also have a word with the entitled toddler neighbour too about less stuff.

dammit88 · 18/05/2023 08:45

Theres nothing wrong with it, I wouldn't take it down. Its good for kids to go outside and do this sort of thing. Unless it is impacting neighbours who also share the communal garden, leave it for your daughter to enjoy.

Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:54

None of the adult only neighbours use the garden, never have. As far as I know none have complained officially about B, although a couple are pissed off with her.

sharing the communal garden there are [14, 2] [13, 11, mine] [9, 6,] [6 , 2 B's]

Then the visitors [7] and S's [10, 9, 7] from the block over the road who spend most of their free time here. Our communal garden is more interesting than their tiny concrete fenced garden and there are kids other than their siblings to play with!

OP posts:
WhineWhineWhineWINE · 18/05/2023 08:58

If S has no rights to the communal garden I'd tell her to leave it alone. Ask her if she'd be happy for you to come and rearrange her garden without permission, just because your kids want to play in it.

Itwasnaeme · 18/05/2023 09:01

How has the neighbour even seen the den? Is it built with her sticks? Did something bad happen to her dc inside it?

FlamingoQueen · 18/05/2023 09:31

So the lady who lives over the road wants you to destroy something in your garden. Obviously, it has nothing to do with her so it doesn’t matter what she thinks. Personally, I would say that you won’t be taking it down, but you’re happy to say to your dc that her dc can’t come over and play in it.
Your other neighbour is cheeky too!!

mondaytosunday · 18/05/2023 09:39

Your neighbour building whatever is irrelevant. The woman asking you to take the den down when it's not even her communal garden? Did she say why? If her kids are old enough to wander across the road to play in someone else's garden then surely they are old enough not to strangle themselves with a bit of string?
She has no right to do anything - leave the den as is unless there are kids in YOUR block for which it could be dangerous.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 18/05/2023 09:45

Being charitable, do you think she perhaps feels her DC shouldn't have built something in your communal garden and wants to 'undo' it?

Have you told her DD hasn't finished playing with it yet and you're happy for it to stay up?

I don't think my response would have been an offer to look at it together, I would have asked her why she wants to take it down.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/05/2023 09:47

Why would you reply 'we will look at it together' rather than 'whats the problem?

Meeting · 18/05/2023 09:49

So she wants to come over and destroy something in someone else's garden? Tell her to fuck off

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 18/05/2023 09:53

Ask the person who text you why she wants it removed

As much as this is AIBU, we are not your neighbours nor would we know her reasoning behind asking for it to be taken down.

Hairbrushhandle · 18/05/2023 09:54

My first thought that something happened with the kids related to the den. Did they exclude someone from playing in it? Did they trap someone in it? Was there any abuse happening? Otherwise I don't understand the big deal