To let DD build a den in the communal garden?

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We have a communal garden around our block of flats. Each ground floor flat also has their own garden.

When my DC were small, I kept a sunshade stand by the sand pit and bench (only fixed items in garden) to use when we were out.

Neighbour, when her eldest (now6) was small, fixed up a permanent sunshade. Which then became a tent with picnic table, which now has become a fenced off area, woodchip floor, tepee, picnic table, kids kitchen, plants planted into the communal area to give shade when they grow. Plus two swings on trees bordering the next property. She hasn't asked permission from anyone and even has her own garden!

TBh it pisses me off as it's the only
flat area of ground in the garden and my DC are too old/big to use it and now they have nowhere to play e.g Badminton or frisbee.

My DD, has over the past week or so been collecting twigs and lashing them together with string to make a den between two bushes in the corner of the garden where she and a couple of the older girls fit.

Yesterday a couple of kids from over the road came over to play and help. Late last night I got a message from the mum asking if she could come today and break down the den. I've no idea why. I've said I'm in and she can call and we can look at it together.

It's in my (communal) garden, not hers.
It's built with my string!
Is a den like this dangerous for some reason?

YABU - break it down
YANBU - can't see anything wrong with a den for the summer

I see it is nearly 23% in the UK. Yikes! 🫤

This isn’t a danger to wildlife any more than most gardens. It’s approximately what lots of people use to grow beans up!

People are being ridiculous.

Leave the den. Have a look at it with her if you really must (although I'm not sure why your reply wasn't "why?!" Rather than "let's look at it together") and tell her you're going to leave it as it is as your kid has worked hard on it and wants to keep building it up.

Just tell her your DD isn't finished with the den so No, you don't want it taken down.

Ask her why she wants to take it down because it seems strange for her to ask to come into your garden and take a den down -Maybe she thinks you want it taken down and is offering help to tidy your garden as she thinks her kids made it together with your kids - just ask her why and say no if you don't want it taken down

Mumsnet is full of people who don't have basic assertiveness skills. Drives me potty.

it goes into a bin bag. The bin bag is collected and taken to the incineration plant. The bag is incinerated and the heat generated is used to heat the nearby houses.

that's the plan/theory. But if the bag breaks open/is dropped/a gust of wind or a contractor is shady and doesn't do their job properly, those rings are dangerous to wildlife. It's the work of a second or two to break or snap them all just in case, so why on earth wouldn't you do that as routine habit, for the just in case?

All this bs about wild life. And i bet you all these commentating pp's all eat meat 🤣

Anyway op. Dont take it down. And you dont owe her an explanation
The fuck : she built something for her dd in there .and she doesn't even live there. I would have taken that shit down.

Actually you know what. Take all her stuff down
And your kid's too.

And then call it even 🤐😳

Your demolition neighbour doesn’t have rights to use or, I assume therefore, access the garden - why should she even say this, if it was your own fenced garden she wouldn’t barge in with demolition mode

i assume she’s regarded it as some sort of risk? It has pointy up sticks which I guess could have given her child a scratch, cut or splinter. Theoretically it could put out someone’s eye, or a smaller child could get neck stuck in string….BUT her kids have no rights to play in there if they don’t either pay rent for the property and garden or don’t won a home there with rights to use that space.

hear her out if it’s a safety issue, as much as anything she may have something to say that’ll stop your own kid getting hurt, but if it’s not that I’d be saying, thanks for your opinion , but not your garden so just stop your kids coming over

re the other neighbour taking over the area with her personal playground. Inform the lease owner if there is one on communal area, the agent if it’s rented, or look at your deeds if it’s shared ownership. Write to her explaining the legal situation and say that she needs to be more considerate of others rights to use that area and the bench. If she doesn’t stop then, write agian to say you will be notify the person above or taking legal advice regarding your rights. But, try to work with her, come to a compromise of what she leaves there permanently a removes after each visit.

''No you cannot break it down under any circumstances. You are not a resident of our building and as such do not have any right of entry to our communal garden, let alone to destroy or remove anything from it. Let us be very clear that removing my kids den from the garden would be criminal damage as well as mighty cheeky.'

Does anyone actually communicate like this in real life? Just say 'no - the children are still playing with it so we are going to keep it up'.

As an aside, personally I’d be providing architectural/engineering consultancy services to my dc to get them to rebuild in more traditional proven wig wam design with sticks gathered together at top around tree trunk- one it is more structurally sound and secondly less chance of putting an eye out…it would give them more privacy as well for all their secret squirrel den adventures

Of course you should. We have a communal area with some trees in the middle of the cul de sac - no-one uses it particularly but it's nicer than more houses or a bit of concrete and the trees stop people driving over or parking on it. One summer the grass got very long and then the council came and cut it, but leaving all the cut grass which turned into hay in the warm weather. All the kids included DD2 then built a den with the hay - sort of a camp fire ring without the fire, really, and spent so much time in there playing and chatting. It was a very safe way for them to do some creative play without the close supervision of adults, fantastic for their development but moreover, fun.

It doesn't sound like they are harming anyone and the nosy neighbour should get stuffed.

I live in a manor house converted to 10 apartments, and we have large communal gardens. Unless the guest of a resident, anyone who doesn't live here would be asked to leave if they tried to use the grounds that we pay to maintain (it's never happened afaik). Do your grounds have open access? What does it say in the lease about items/structures being left outside? Our residents' committee is very strict on adherence to the terms of our lease and yours should be too - that's what a lease is for, so everyone knows what the rules are and everyone knows where they stand. And to address your situation with the neighbour wanting to take the den down I'd just laugh and say "we'll take it down when we're ready thanks".

Probably actually a lot higher. There have been sad stories of primary school children following the recycling bin (to find it dumping as landfill). I haven't heard one of these stories recently, but suspect it is a LOT higher than officially recorded. 😥

This. "Kids are still playing with it so we're keeping it up for a bit" should cover the situation and isn't too alienating.

I recently saw the saddest photo of a fox trapped in a football net, the RSPCA had to euthanise him because he'd been spinning to escape and the net had cut off the blood supply to his back legs.

Is your den a mixture of string/twigs? Could an animal get caught in it?

Tell her to mind her own business the cheeky cow. Can’t believe the sheer nerve of some people. Tell her there are bits of her garden you want changing and see how she likes it.

That fence is seriously dodgy brothers. Is it even attached to anything? Is that what the neighbour put up? The den is fine ( though a teepee style would be better as pp said - much more privacy for secret missions 😀)

Do you think that by having the den, your DD and the older girls, may be separating themselves from the kids across the road? Unless the older girls ARE the ones across the road of course?

As in, the kids across the road go home saying 'so and so' won't play with me anymore because they're in their den and we're not allowed in there? so she wants to take it down so it's all 'fair'?

I'd just ask her what's up?

A) It’s not her harden b) I 100% approve of den building and also think perhaps a structural engineer should be engaged for the project.

I think that Den Kid Mum thinks she needs to tidy up after her child and has contacted you out of politeness.

Clearly someone has got the wrong end of the stick!!

I think I'd ask her why she wants to take it apart. If her reasons seem valid, I'd let it go and come up with another way for your daughter to make a den. Maybe it could even be portable panels that you can stow away when not in use...

If she has no good reasons, I'd tell her your daughter is still using it, but thanks anyway. (Whether she 'offered' or 'told', maybe that approach is less likely to offend.)

Ask her why. But then say no. It's a weird thing for her to ask.

This

soooo, this women doesn't live in your block and shouldn't, in fact, be using your communal garden but no-one's taken issue with her kiddos enjoying it to date BUT she thinks somehow that she's got a say in what type of play happens in the communal garden and has told you she's going to dismantle the den? okaayyyy, think you're going to have to message her back saying something like 'thanks for the offer but honestly we're all quite happy for the kiddos to build a den there so we don't need it dismantling - did your DC help build it? its lovely isn't it?!' and see what happens, perhaps her kiddo had something to do with building it and she thinks she should be the one to do the work taking it down or (just thinking out loud because I know what kids are like at 'finding' things) are the canes being used from her garden?

Exactly this!!