To let DD build a den in the communal garden?

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We have a communal garden around our block of flats. Each ground floor flat also has their own garden.

When my DC were small, I kept a sunshade stand by the sand pit and bench (only fixed items in garden) to use when we were out.

Neighbour, when her eldest (now6) was small, fixed up a permanent sunshade. Which then became a tent with picnic table, which now has become a fenced off area, woodchip floor, tepee, picnic table, kids kitchen, plants planted into the communal area to give shade when they grow. Plus two swings on trees bordering the next property. She hasn't asked permission from anyone and even has her own garden!

TBh it pisses me off as it's the only
flat area of ground in the garden and my DC are too old/big to use it and now they have nowhere to play e.g Badminton or frisbee.

My DD, has over the past week or so been collecting twigs and lashing them together with string to make a den between two bushes in the corner of the garden where she and a couple of the older girls fit.

Yesterday a couple of kids from over the road came over to play and help. Late last night I got a message from the mum asking if she could come today and break down the den. I've no idea why. I've said I'm in and she can call and we can look at it together.

It's in my (communal) garden, not hers.
It's built with my string!
Is a den like this dangerous for some reason?

YABU - break it down
YANBU - can't see anything wrong with a den for the summer

No worries. Your neighbour can not ask you to remove your play den, however point out that if she is unhappy she can always keep her own child from playing there..

As to the other, in a couple of years her kids will have out grown that idea so then it would be appropriate to discuss how to remodel to allow all to enjoy the space. Make it a positive, creative discussion.

I guess you just ask her why, and say I don’t want to take it down, my dc are playing. If she raises a safety hazard say thanks for making me aware I’ll consult with the others who share the garden. If you think our garden is unsafe you could tell your dc not to play here. If she says it’s taking up space point to neighbours fenced off park area and say no one has objected to that for years so if someone who has a claim to this garden needs more space they can start there, I’m not taking my kids play area down.

It's no more a hazard to animals than the fence it's against or trellis, sorry but that seems a daft comment. I don't understand why you would tell her you'd talk about it. You live ina shared garden, not used by adults, and with an area already used for kids. My message would be thanks for your concern, none of the residents have complained and the kids are enjoying building it, until the block residents have an issue or I feel there is a safety concern, it can stay where it is, given the fun they are having building it

I wonder if S thinks her daughter has made a mess of your garden and she is actually offering to break down the den because she thinks you don't like it? Who knows. You live near some weird people that's for sure.

Can we see a picture of B's garden construction?

Surely your communal garden is maintained by thr freeholder? And therefore none of you shoidl be building anything in it.

Building things in communal gardens escalates as can be seen here.

I was thinking this, too.

I think a den can be a fun thing, but there could potentially be issues such as risks to wildlife depending on its construction. Rather than jumping to conclusions, why not ask the mum when you see her, what her thoughts on it are? Find out why she was expecting that it would need to come down today - if there's a concern, you can hopefully address it.

If you do agree that it should come down (and you don't have to - the other mum has no right to take down something that's on your property, although if her concerns are valid you may end up agreeing with her), then it might be more constructive for your daughter and other children involved to have a role in the Great Demolition and Rebuild rather than having them come home to find adulta have destroyed something they worked hard on. Maybe you could get your daughter to design an improved den that addresses any reasonable concerns raised. We used to build, take down and rebuild dens and the iterative process of den design was actually part of the fun.

Communal garden to me means communal for all

No one should be altering, adding or changing and I am guessing there is rules somewhere about it

Could it be that she wants to take it for her space to give her kids something to do? Either way just say no

@weirdoboelady Good on you for raising awareness about cutting up those plastic can rings before throwing them away. My dad always instilled it in me that it's important to cut them up because of wildlife getting trapped in them.

I'm always surprised they don't have to put clear instructions on the products telling people to do so, considering the issues they can cause with wildlife.

It's good to see more companies just using card packaging to hold cans/ bottles together though.

They don’t incinerate rubbish. They dump it in landfill or the ocean. How have you missed this?!

They don’t incinerate rubbish. They do where I live 🤷‍♀️

How fantastic that the children are being so creative in the communal garden. It just goes to shoe how valuable these spaces are. My daughter takes her little one to one over the road and they meet up with others from the neighbourhood for snacks, juice, games, sunshine, fresh air and friendship. They play happily, so the neighbours in the block actually look forwards to 4pm. No banging footballs or squabbling to listen to. The mums get to hang out with their kids in a relaxed environment. There are vegetable beds, but they get respected and left alone. It's a bit of heaven in the middle of the city.

Sounds like your children are doing the same, OP. Sticks and soil and bugs are childhood essentials.

Ask the budding den-destroyer what her issue is. She might have thought of a problem with it that can be resolved without taking everything down.

Also, is her own garden a good candidate for badminton games, I wonder...? Might be worth giving it a go.

The mum S, who is complaining and wants to break down DD's den lives across the road, has no rights to our communal garden.

If she has no rights over the garden then no, she doesn’t get to dictate that it comes down.

And me!

I’d tell the person to mind their own business. What goes on in the communal garden has buggar all to do with them.

If the other fixtures mean that residents cannot enjoy the spaces, you can always report to who ever owns the block.

Years ago an enquiry was made to the council. Turned out ground floor residents “gardens” were also communal.

I think its right she asked to break it up and actually responsible.

She knows its a communal garden, therefore when the children finish playing with the den, she wants to remove the temporary structure.

Just acknowledge her concern and offer a solution.

"I'm so sorry you feel that way, I totally get if den play isnt for your son/daughter. Whilst they are always welcome to play with my child in the garden, I totally understand if you want to keep your son/daughter at home while the den is in place. We all have to do what we feel is right for our kids. Hopefully the local badgers will break it up when the kids have finished as we have a wildlife cam on that area so I'm hoping to get a look at them!"

They might some but it won’t all get incinerated. The ring things are known. I don’t think they even make them anymore.

That said I can’t see the den issue, particularly in context of the wire fence next to it.

@JenWillsiam they really do incinerate rubbish in some areas! My rubbish definitely gets incinerated!! Please do your research.

I've visited the plant too so know what happens

As PP have said, I also think the mum just meant she’ll tidy up after her dcs have built a den in the communal space.

I’d just clarify first as it sounds like misinterpretation.

There is a simple solution here. "Hi S. Why would you want to come over and break down the den?"

Did you speak with her?

Just a small point - bamboo is not an ideal material for children to use because it throws off lethally sharp splinters when it breaks. Can you get some twigs instead? Hazel twigs or willow are perfect.

I think she is probally worried that you'll get in trouble, and as her children helped to build it, that she should come and help break it down. I'd probally just reply with something like;

Thank you so much for the offer of helping to break it down. But happy for it to stay up for a few more days. They played so nicely together building it and I'd much rather see them outside working together on their awesome den than inside on tech! It's so lovely they have friends living so close and that they all get on so well. Let's hope for more lovely weather so they can continue having these adventures together.