To let DD build a den in the communal garden?

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We have a communal garden around our block of flats. Each ground floor flat also has their own garden.

When my DC were small, I kept a sunshade stand by the sand pit and bench (only fixed items in garden) to use when we were out.

Neighbour, when her eldest (now6) was small, fixed up a permanent sunshade. Which then became a tent with picnic table, which now has become a fenced off area, woodchip floor, tepee, picnic table, kids kitchen, plants planted into the communal area to give shade when they grow. Plus two swings on trees bordering the next property. She hasn't asked permission from anyone and even has her own garden!

TBh it pisses me off as it's the only
flat area of ground in the garden and my DC are too old/big to use it and now they have nowhere to play e.g Badminton or frisbee.

My DD, has over the past week or so been collecting twigs and lashing them together with string to make a den between two bushes in the corner of the garden where she and a couple of the older girls fit.

Yesterday a couple of kids from over the road came over to play and help. Late last night I got a message from the mum asking if she could come today and break down the den. I've no idea why. I've said I'm in and she can call and we can look at it together.

It's in my (communal) garden, not hers.
It's built with my string!
Is a den like this dangerous for some reason?

YABU - break it down
YANBU - can't see anything wrong with a den for the summer

I think she is trying to be helpful by offering to come take it down. If you react like she is trying to control what goes on in your garden, she will mark you down as someone to avoid like the plague in future.

If it's a communal area neither neither of you should be appropriating it by storing assorted stuff of any kind. Are there more neighbours than just you and her? How do they feel?

She's cheeky though. If you really want to stick a spoke in her wheel complain to your factors.

You need to chat with her, and take it from there.

What about putting a big sign up with Forest School on it? As an addition, 'residents free' and 'non-residents £x'?

I suspect she just thinks that as her children have helped to build something in the communal garden, it needs to be tidied up and she should help to take it down.

Tell her to jog on! It's not her garden and has nothing to do with her – it's your DC's. If she doesn't want her kids to hang out in it, that's for her to parent, not pull the entire thing down.

As for the wildlife aspect, I'd struggle to see what could get caught in there – a badger or fox would have it down in a second – but as long as your DC checks regularly and pulls it down the minute they get bored of it, then that's a decent compromise.

A makeshift den is a bit different to the full-blown play area the other NDN has erected. We used to build dens as kids in the local park.

It would be worth finding out what her issue I'd with it and see if it's valid/something as parents you can fix. I'd also be prepared to say DD is really excited by it and enjoying playing in her den and that you're leaving it up for now.

For example, it may be that as it's at the base of a tree she thinks it's unhygienic as loads of dogs will visit and doesn't want her kids playing there?

Cant see that as a health hazard or much of a problem for wildlife either - they are not stupid, they'll go somewhere else. Those bushes probably are not big enough for nesting birds but I guess she might have disturbed one when building it. I'd listen politely to why neighbour is objecting and then politely say but it's not in your garden is it.

I think say "obviously we love having you kids enjoy our communal even though they don't live in the building. I think the resident children are enjoying the den so let's leave it. If you look lots of resident children have put stuff up (cue point to your neighbours stuff) your children are welcome to enjoy it to."

Leave the den up. It's got nothing to do with her anyway. There is some public land near here where kids build dens all the time. As for the other mum who has fenced off an area- that's not ok and if my children couldn't use the garden because of her I would probably make a complaint!

So did you speak to her OP?

Two separate things - take up the abuse of the garden by neighbour B and get that opened back up for everyone.

Askl neighbour across the road why she wants the den broken up. It could be nothing to do with the garden or the structure but something has been happening in there that she/her DD doesn't like.

Meant to say ALL rubbish. The majority of waste is not incinerated, my point was I’m astounded anyone doesn’t know the issue with plastic can ties and waste in general.

Maybe she's concerned about the wildlife. Maybe she doesn't think the DCs should be hanging about in a den in the garden. Maybe she thinks it gives the DCs more privacy than it does and she's worried what they will do in it. Maybe the den is a pretext to have a conversation about something else that has happened between the DCs.
No-one on here knows so no-one can tell if she is BU or not.
Message back and ask what you've missed and why she wants to break down the den. Or call her and invite her over for a coffee to chat about it.

I want to know the outcome OP! Den or no den?

I actually think this is great. I have a communal garden and am really interested in how they get used, which often is just not at all. Yours sounds brilliant and it's so nice that kids from across the street are all playing together outside. The neighbour who's set up a lot of equipment sounds like she's overstepping but if it's getting used regularly then personally I think that's better than it just being a wasteland no go zone like so many of these spaces are. I love the den!! Try to convince the other mum that it's a fun area for them to play.

I've planted trees in my own communal garden (only in places where the HA planting has failed and trees had died) but I could definitely be accused of overstepping by my own neighbours. But again, I think it's better than leaving an empty wasted tree pit & flower bed.

They do where I live too. All but 1%, which does not go in the ocean.

How appalling that a group of children built a den!!!! They should be indoors on screens instead.

Speak to the neighbour with the permanent bit of garden if its a problem - yours want to play badminton, so get her to agree to her stuff be moved out the way when she's not using it.

Ask neighbours who share the garden if they mind the den - the novelty will wear off after a few weeks so long as its tidied away then I do t see why anyone would mind.

Find out why other family wants den taken down - maybe someone in your block has complained to them? ultimately its not their garden.

"Dear CF neighbour,

I am a little confused by your message.

If you are under the impression that the communal garden is public land, it is not. It is a private garden belonging to No.1-8 High Street. I don't have a problem with you and your children coming into our garden as it is nice for the children to play together, but please be aware that you are guests and do not have the right to remove anything placed in the garden by any of its joint owners."

You need to say what is in the garden is none of her business as she has no right of access and lives across tje road. But this all needs to be sorted out.are the flats owned or rented. But on the other hand maybe she feels its unsafe or there has been an incident of some sort so might be better to have a word with her.

I commented on wildlife because I rescue when someone local finds a creature in need of help. However I didn't say that the structure in the photo would be a danger, just that string could be, because it can. So can the balls of hair people 'kindly' throw into the garden for creatures to use as nesting materials which can tangle in their feet and cripple them painfully cutting into the flesh.

No I don't eat meat. For various reasons though, none of which have anything to do with this thread, which is a point that also has nothing to do with the subject being discussed,any more than the hair I mentioned.

You could always add, "If you think there is a safety issue with my daughter's den, please let me know what the problem is and I will take a view on whether to remove it myself."

i am 98% sure that she is thinking she is doing the right thing by proposing clearing up her kids "mess"

as a side note we found a sick baby hedgehog who had one of those plastic lid rings from a big milk bottle around his neck. we took him to the wildlife hospital - reader he did not survive :( crap like that is far more a hazard to wildlife than a few little twigs and a bit of string

@JenWillsiam oh I see!

Actually round here it does tend to be all rubbish as when people mess up the recycling that goes over to the incinerator too. They really need to be building these in towns as the amount of heat they generate that can be put to good use is huge! (Sorry on a tangent there)

But like you we always snip any plastic just in case a rogue bag falls off the lorry!!