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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD build a den in the communal garden?

160 replies

RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:13

We have a communal garden around our block of flats. Each ground floor flat also has their own garden.

When my DC were small, I kept a sunshade stand by the sand pit and bench (only fixed items in garden) to use when we were out.

Neighbour, when her eldest (now6) was small, fixed up a permanent sunshade. Which then became a tent with picnic table, which now has become a fenced off area, woodchip floor, tepee, picnic table, kids kitchen, plants planted into the communal area to give shade when they grow. Plus two swings on trees bordering the next property. She hasn't asked permission from anyone and even has her own garden!

TBh it pisses me off as it's the only
flat area of ground in the garden and my DC are too old/big to use it and now they have nowhere to play e.g Badminton or frisbee.

My DD, has over the past week or so been collecting twigs and lashing them together with string to make a den between two bushes in the corner of the garden where she and a couple of the older girls fit.

Yesterday a couple of kids from over the road came over to play and help. Late last night I got a message from the mum asking if she could come today and break down the den. I've no idea why. I've said I'm in and she can call and we can look at it together.

It's in my (communal) garden, not hers.
It's built with my string!
Is a den like this dangerous for some reason?

YABU - break it down
YANBU - can't see anything wrong with a den for the summer

To let DD build a den in the communal garden?
OP posts:
Heartsnrainbows · 18/05/2023 10:03

I'd break it down as its dangerous to wildlife but only because its string. I'd go over, help her break it down then get to BnQ for some offcut wood and help him build a proper den. If she comments, just reply that her daughters stuff must be a nightmare to drag in at night and offer to help her move it.

Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 10:18

@Heartsnrainbows as its dangerous to wildlife but only because its string.

why is it dangerous to wildlife?
in case they eat it?
If she ties and cuts off any loose ends is it then ok?

@Hairbrushhandle not as far as I'm aware. And DD is usually pretty good about that kind of thing. The only person she'd banish is DS and he didn't complain!

OP posts:
PandaPouch · 18/05/2023 10:20

YANBU I think it's beautiful, I think it's creative. Allow your children to play. The only opinion you should concern yourself with is your landlord.

Achwheesht · 18/05/2023 10:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mummapenguin20 · 18/05/2023 10:24

I think it’s lovely no idea why she would want to break it down

Smartiepants79 · 18/05/2023 10:32

If she doesn’t even Live there the she has NO say on what goes on. What the hell is she thinking?! It’s not any of her business.
Tell her it’s staying and she’s not to touch it.

Smartiepants79 · 18/05/2023 10:33

Just make sure no small animals or birds will get trapped.

MonumentalLentil · 18/05/2023 10:41

Wildlife can get trapped and caught in string, or swallow it.
Get some willow and weave a den instead, or some trellis.

lunar1 · 18/05/2023 10:41

Are you sure she isn't just trying to tidy up as her children helped do it?

bellabasset · 18/05/2023 10:43

If it's a communal garden then perhaps all residents should agree how it's set out and used. B should not be fencing part of it off for her dc's use. If I were in a flat and there was a grassed area I'd like to be able to sit out with a book and coffee. Who cuts the grass for example and maintains it.

Nevermind31 · 18/05/2023 10:46

Maybe she is trying to be helpful?
why does it matter what other stuff a totally unrelated neighbour has done in the garden?

Sugargliderwombat · 18/05/2023 10:57

Yeah I agree... just trying to clear up after her kids.

Heartsnrainbows · 18/05/2023 11:06

In case they eat it or get tangled in it. Horrible way to die if they swallow it.

Hedgehogs especially are at risk of getting stuck. It's why when you throw away the plastic rings from a 4 pack of beer you should always snap every ring. Because animals crawl through and get stuck.

diddl · 18/05/2023 11:06

Hopefully she thinks that it needs "tidying away".

No idea why you didn't just tell her no though!

Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 11:14

It's why when you throw away the plastic rings from a 4 pack of beer you should always snap every ring.

surely that goes in a bin bag Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 11:19

Ok. I actually don't understand the logic here.

The risk is that the hedgehog might trundle up and eat the string that is lashing two sticks together, I.e. tied up and knotted off?

Or the risk is that he might get stuck between the pieces of sticks which are lashed together? Why is this more dangerous than the two fixed fences? You can just see both in the picture- the square fence on the left and on the back right it's a diamond shaped fence.

OP posts:
PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 18/05/2023 11:20

RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 11:14

It's why when you throw away the plastic rings from a 4 pack of beer you should always snap every ring.

surely that goes in a bin bag Confused

I think the issue is that (and this country and area dependent) the plastic in the bin bag may not be disposed of properly but still ends up in the ocean and or other parts of the planet it doesn't belong in.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 18/05/2023 11:24

Tell S to jog on and if she comes in and breaks it down then it’s trespass as it isn’t her garden

Nordicrain · 18/05/2023 11:27

RequiresUpdating · 18/05/2023 08:19

No. My neighbour B from the ground floor of the next block of flats has built up our communal garden.

The mum S, who is complaining and wants to break down DD's den lives across the road, has no rights to our communal garden. Her DC spend half their time here though.

In that case just tell her no. It's not her garden, she has no right to say what happens in it.

intakeofanaverage · 18/05/2023 11:43

Could she just be trying to be polite and save you from tidying up? Like saying she will come and clean the mess up later. Not realising you dont think its mess and youre happy to keep it?

Heartsnrainbows · 18/05/2023 11:52

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts It doesn't stay in there though. Black bags become brittle and break and a lot of landfill sadly ends up in the sea.

For hedgehogs it's mostly that they get caught in it and try to chew their way out. Same with birds, squirrels etc, they get caught up in it and panic.

Daffodilmorning · 18/05/2023 12:00

It looks like animals could get caught in it but it doesn’t sound like that’s her issue.

It’s not her garden though, so her feelings don’t really matter.

Good on your daughter for finding a creative way to play in her garden. In your shoes I’d help her find some more animal friendly ways to build dens (https://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/blog/2019/10/how-to-build-a-den/)… but then I’m a natural worrier!

https://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/blog/2019/10/how-to-build-a-den/

purplecorkheart · 18/05/2023 12:02

Are the sticks sharp. Could there be a risk of a child hurting their eye climbing in and out?

TBH it is not her business. I would reply that the Den is staying and she is welcome to keep her children in her own garden and not visit yours.

I

purplecorkheart · 18/05/2023 12:03

I would though ask your neighbours are they bothered by it.

feralunderclass · 18/05/2023 12:03

I would have thought that she doesn't want her dc spending 70% of their time over at yours, and wants to deincentivize them. It's not her right anyway, you shouldn't have invited her to "have a look together", you've given her the power.