To shower at DPs

[Cocopogo]

DP stayed at mine last weekend and due to various reasons, busy, tired, grieving, prioritising time with DP etc I didn’t shower for two nights nor put usual bath on for DD until Sunday. Cut to yesterday when I was in the office all day, I work in the city where DP lives. I went straight from work to his, then drove us to Waitrose and bought food in for dinner plus a few other things for DP.
Once back at his, I went to get a shower whilst food was in the oven. Except DP stopped me and said hang on a minute, you don’t need to shower here, I said I did, I felt grotty and didn’t want to eat feeling like this. DP said well you didn’t shower all weekend so you can manage until you get home. He then proceeded to point out the weekend and that when DD is at his I always bath her etc. Presumably implying that I freely run his utilities bill up but am more cautious at home. For context he earns 3x more than me and whilst we don’t go halves we general take turns to buy things etc. I know he’s trying to save money to pay a chunk of his mortgage off when the fixed term ends in 3 years but that’s got nothing to do with me.

Wow 🍿

Like some of the others, I've had a look at your previous posts and this isn't the first time he's been stingy towards you. Moaning about petrol costs, proposing to stop you leaving him but buying his own place and not wanting to get married, suggesting you live with him and pay 50/50 while loosing your benefits!

Stingy people don't get better. There isn't a therapy for this; it is how they are. You need to walk away from this situation. He clearly doesn't want to share with you or to be a partner, just says he does. Actions speak louder than words and to stop someone from washing is shocking behaviour. Nothing you say or do is going to change him. Please don't bother with him any more.

Wow that’s controlling and ridiculous it’s nothing to do with money don’t make excuses for him. Not letting you have a shower at his, and then making you feel bad about it. What a meanie. Red flag.

WTF
Ok OP get rid. I know you're probably feeling rock bottom and he's probably gaslit you that no one will love you etc yada yada (been there got the t-shirt) but please, know your worth

❤️

The convention is that if you have overnight guests, you offer them use of the facilities and trust them not to take unfair advantage. It would be unreasonable for you to use all the hot water and monopolise the bathroom for ninety minutes, but it is not unreasonable to take a quick shower.

Do you go to bed with the day's dirt/sweat on you?

Do you not sweat at night, or just need a shower to get you all sprightly in the morning?

This. Also not showering for a weekend is absolutely gross and lazy.

YABU for calling a man who begrudges you a shower your 'DP'.

YABU for not repacking your shopping, going home and just ghosting the selfish fucker.

Just to be clear I didn’t drag my daughter on a date. She’s 14 and can look after herself when we go out. I went to DPs after work, alone.

Why are you deliberately ignoring all the posts telling what an arse this man is?

What was the point of this thread? Just to waste everyone's time?

Good God, dump him!

Why is your 14 year old having baths round his house then?

I have no idea where you live obviously so am now imagining you drove up from Cornwall especially

Why in earth do you need to bath a 14 year old?? Your OP said you prioritised spending time with your BF over bathing DD. Surely she just showers herself at that age?
And why is she going to your BFs house and bathing there? This all sounds so odd.

passing myself at this

From other threads, just three months ago you were having your third date with this guy.

Why is your daughter visiting his home at all?

Let alone staying over...

Let alone staying over every weekend...

Do you really think that's appropriate for someone you've been dating a few months?

Your 14 year old daughter spends every weekend at your partners house?

Is concentrating on minor logistical details an avoidance / denial thing?

Some clarity on your relationship, your family, how long you’ve been together and whether this sort of behaviour is a pattern with your partner would help op?

Do arguments with your dp follow this pattern? Just round in circles arguing about who did/ said what/when..nit picking over how many showers you had, when and why for example?

Perhaps attempt to communicate your feelings to dp, explain how he’s making you feel, his attitude towards you, the relationship as a whole.

People can’t help or advise with such vague stilted posts. (If advice is what you are after).

Is this right OP? That's absolutely shocking if it is.

@fajitaaa

It must be either that person or someone she met even more recently.

Poor kid spending every weekend at her mum's new boyfriends house.

Unbelievably inappropriate.

I didn't want to be unkind but I couldn't get past this bit either.

I’m so disgusted at so many of these comments - women jumping on and attacking another women who has opened up and been vulnerable, asking for guidance and advice. So uncalled for and extremely judgmental and sad really. Who cares whether she washes once a week or once every hour, the point is she was asking for our guidance on what got do about her partner. For the record, I think you’re not being unreasonable at all - I’d be furious at his tight fisted way and totally turned off.

Ignore the haters on here.

🚩🚩🚩 for control/abuse and general selfishness. Get out as fast as you can and don’t look back