To ask DD’s boyfriend to change before coming in to the house

[AmIEnough]

Well just that really.

For a bit of background, I suffer from acute anxiety, OCD and autism.

Not an excuse, but possibly a reason for my over-the-top behaviour.

We live in a newbuild property which has ivory carpets in all of the upstairs rooms, including the stairs and the landing.

My DD (16) has a really lovely boyfriend. He comes for dinner several times a week. However, he works in forestry and often comes straight from work and is absolutely filthy. He goes upstairs to her bedroom which has an ensuite bathroom.

He goes into the bathroom and changes out of his jeans into something else but in doing so leaves a fairly thick film of fine mud and dust all over the bathroom floor which obviously is then getting walked into her bedroom and into the ivory carpet.

I’ve already asked him to leave his motorcycle waterproofs and muddy boots outside, which I have bought a waterproof container for which sits outside the front door, but following recent experiences of having to clean up the bathroom after he has left, I have also now suggested that he goes into the garage to change out of his muddy jeans. (our garage is not really a garage at all, it is a home gym which is painted, has proper gym rubber flooring and air-conditioning and is actually a very nice space so he’s not being asked to get changed on a concrete floor surrounded by cars, tools, and other garden equipment.). However, he has now said that he will not come here during the week because of this request.

It makes me feel really awful because I’m so fond of him, but my OCD and anxiety is overwhelming and I really don’t see why I should put my property at risk of destruction in this manner? AIBU?

Anyone with any bright ideas as to how I can find a solution to this would be very gratefully appreciated.

Is there some weird kind of reading comprehension issue happening on this thread?

The lad arrives filthy, creates fury that needs to be cleaned, has a shower and changes.

Refuses to go home for a shower before coming round

Refuses to get changed in the home gym instead.

Chooses not to come rather than go home and shower first

Chooses not to come round rather than undress in the home gym.

Is that not the facts of the situation?

How is the OP at all in the wrong here?

Baffled.

Dirt that needs to be cleaned. Not fury

I've been ill this week (hence frequency, timing, and 'enthusiasm' of my posts) and I woke up this morning feeling much better and wondering if this thread was a bit of a fever dream. But people, notably not the OP 🤔🙄are still posting such bonkers stuff that I'm now wondering if this is a Truman Show style test of my sanity.

Have you considered reading the OPs posts before orojecting all that onto them?

Reading the posts would answer your first question for a start.

I think "please shower and change before you come round, or else undress in the home gym so as not to bring dirt indoors" is a perfectly reasonable request.

I think the lad is being unreasonable in refusing.

He's at perfect liberty to strive clean if he chooses.

You know, shower in his own home...

No that's not the facts of the situation. He had not been asked to go home and shower first. And I'm not even sure that he's actively refused to get changed in the garage.

He's complied with OP's requests thus far, but after the garage one I suspect he's just thought to himself 'you know, this is just getting uncomfortable now, it'd be easier to only visit at the weekend'.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO EAT DINNER AND BE ALLOWED IN THE OP'S HOME!! HE WANTS TO GO HOME AND EAT DINNER THERE AND MAKE HIS OWN HOUSE FILTHY! THE OP IS THE ONE WHO WANTS HIM TO CARRY ON COMING ROUND!!

The lad doesn't want to come round?

Why does he come round then?

Ah. Mea culpa. I now recollect that he did have the option of going home first, but it's a bit of a pain to go out of his way. Sorry.

I don't understand why a working adult man coming round less often and only when he's clean is seen as a bad outcome. Presumably the daughter could go round to his house or they meet up outside if the weather's nice although age 16 I wouldn't be that enthusiastic about her spending all her time with a bloke anyway and would be happy she was doing other stuff and had some space

Yeah read them thanks. If ivory carpets are stopping anyone or their dcs from living a normal, happy,messy, occasionally chaotic life then fgs get rid of them or put cheap rugs down.

I am so glad that I come from a culture where having boundaries in one's own home doesn't warrant chastisement because some 16 yr old who doesn't love there "feels uncomfortable" with performing a bit of "act right' in a home that is not his .
"Bruk Bad" is what it's called in Jamaican parlance .

I don't either @2Rebecca

This thread is so Brexit.

There are the facts as far as we know them

And then there's the things that people seem to have invented in their minds somehow that there appears to be very little basis for in the OP's posts.

A relief for you! I am equally happy that I come from a culture and family that embraces mud, dog hair, horse hair and dust as a fact of life. It's what the vacuum was invented for after all!

Nobody is unreasonable for saying they don’t want to undress in somebody’s garage. He is not demanding entry to the home. Why do you think it is unreasonable for a teenager to say they would rather go to their own home than take all their clothes off in a garage?

@Kanaloa

Can you quote the OP where he says that?

Because that isn't the situation.

Of course it’s the situation. He has complied with various escalating requests, and now op says he must take his clothes off in the garage. He has said he will start going home after work instead.

In what way do you think it’s unreasonable for a teenager to refuse to undress in somebody’s garage and decide to go to their own home instead? Why do you think op should be able to force him to take his clothes off in her garage when he does not want to do so?

But OP has never said she thinks he’s unreasonable for wanting to go home from
now on.

It’s good the little shit goes home now.

However, he has now said that he will not come here during the week because of this request.

Well said! Thread is batshit.

Well he won’t go home and shower first because he’s told dd it’s quicker to just come to OP’s. Lazy shit.

What thread are YOU reading?

It’s a home gym, she’s not asking it to strip on bare concrete next to old paint tins or it gets the hose again.

@DysmalRadius Which is a totally reasonable response to OP now focusing on invisible dust.

The bf has coped with the reasonable request to leave boots and motorcycle gear outside. He has coped with showering then eating dinner in pyjama trousers.

Now he is being told to strip off in the garage before coming into the house because OP's latest obsession is invisible dust.

He must be thinking what next? CSI paper suit? Mask? Being jetwashed with bleach while stood naked on the patio?

OP's OCD is now seeing off the boyfriend. It may end up seeing off the daughter as well. For her OCD this may seem like a small price to pay.

If you'd carried on reading you'd have seen my mea culpa, immediately below the post you quoted.

It seems there is a difficulty with reading comprehension by some posters- yourself being one of them. No, your summary isn't the situation. Your response to @DysmalRadius 's post on P12 proves very clearly how you are not reading everything and understanding it.

As for the vitriol of mainsfed - I can't comprehend how you have such strong feelings and nasty name calling for someone you don't even know, and are just making things up about.