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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'We all use first names here'

149 replies

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:22

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'. Hmm

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

OP posts:
Saucery · 17/05/2023 17:24

Why would I mind? The person who said that to you sounds a bit odd tbh.

JulieHoney · 17/05/2023 17:24

Emily Maitlis prefers to be called Maitlis, if someone as kick ass as that can do it, why can’t you?

Frances24 · 17/05/2023 17:25

My husband and his friends pretty much all know each other by their surnames/nicknames based on their surnames.

I think it’s up to you what you’d like to be called and don’t think anyone else should be offended (unless you chose some kind of offensive nickname I suppose 🤣)

TranscendingTheSituation · 17/05/2023 17:27

I have a friend who goes almost exclusively by ‘Wally’ which is a shortening of her last name. I know her first name, obviously, but only ever call her her preferred name. Does not bother me at all or make me feel as if barriers have been put up.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/05/2023 17:27

I call my own husband by his surname, as do most of our friends; and I know several other friends who also use their first names and surnames interchangeably depending on where they are, so it wouldn’t strike me as that odd at all. It’s maybe a bit more unusual if you’re female, so can see why some people might find it so, though.

HotPenguin · 17/05/2023 17:27

Mrs Stone seems a bit formal, but if you just use Stone as your first name that's fine. It's just like Matthew preferring Matt.

Mountainpika · 17/05/2023 17:27

Nobody else's business what you choose as your preferred name. It's courtesy to use their preferred name. I have a name that can be shortened, which I hate. Think Elizabeth/Lizzy. I introduce myself as Elizabeth and if people promptly call me Lizzy, I tell them firmly that my name is Elizabeth. They soon learn!

Soozikinzii · 17/05/2023 17:29

No would not bother me at all . We have a distinctive last name so my sons have all been known by that over the years . Go for it !

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2023 17:29

I've been told that it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'.

Yuk. I'd doubly not.

HolyFuckerRooney · 17/05/2023 17:29

The person who said that is weird

Jellycats4life · 17/05/2023 17:30

I wouldn’t think anything of it. Lots of people prefer to go by names other than what’s on their birth certificate. I guess you are unusual because it’s your surname and that has, I dunno, military type connotations (😄) but so what?

Shelby2010 · 17/05/2023 17:31

As long as you like being called Smithy rather than Mrs Smith, then I would say it’s less formal because it’s more of a nickname.

MyLeftShoeLeaksSockGrease · 17/05/2023 17:31

So your full name is Myra Googoo Grace?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2023 17:32

MyLeftShoeLeaksSockGrease · 17/05/2023 17:31

So your full name is Myra Googoo Grace?

My made up name for OP was Constance Poppy Travis.

Original poster
houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:38

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2023 17:32

My made up name for OP was Constance Poppy Travis.

Show quote history

This would actually be such an improvement to my given name 😂

OP posts:
ALittleBitAlexa · 17/05/2023 17:42

I used to work with someone who did this, after about 3 months we found out the name we were all using was actually her surname. I did find it a little odd, but then she was a little odd in general. I'd find it less strange if you introduced yourself and made it clear, e.g. 'I'm James Bond, but I prefer to be called Bond'.

IglesiasPiggl · 17/05/2023 17:42

When someone tells me their name, that's what I call them as I assume that's how they wish to be known. I wouldn't question if it was a nickname, middle name or whatever. I had a work colleague who everyone called Sonia, and didn't realise for about five years that it's actually her middle name because she hated her first name!

MargotBamborough · 17/05/2023 17:44

IglesiasPiggl · 17/05/2023 17:42

When someone tells me their name, that's what I call them as I assume that's how they wish to be known. I wouldn't question if it was a nickname, middle name or whatever. I had a work colleague who everyone called Sonia, and didn't realise for about five years that it's actually her middle name because she hated her first name!

I had a great aunt called Sue and never knew her name was actually Isabel until it was printed on the order of service at her funeral!

MargotBamborough · 17/05/2023 17:44

I've known tons of people who were known by their surname, OP. Really not a big deal.

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2023 17:46

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:22

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'. Hmm

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

They're a loon.

HTH

planthelpadvice · 17/05/2023 17:47

Is this in a work situation? I'm guessing if so, it's a role where you don't use email etc as usually that uses first name and surname /email signatures etc?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 17/05/2023 17:48

I don't particularly want to be intimate with anyone I work with...

SirTarquin · 17/05/2023 17:49

Not really but oddly and for no rational reason I think how I'd react might depend on the name I was calling them.

If the surname was similar to or close to a normal first name - like Jane or Grace then I wouldn't think anything of it.

If it was something like Featherstonehaugh that I'd been lead to believe was a first name, it might bother me but more because I'd feel a fool than issues of barriers.

Muu · 17/05/2023 17:51

I wouldn’t think anything of it. I use a nickname because people usually mispronounce my first name.

is the context a work environment?

RoseslnTheHospital · 17/05/2023 17:51

I would find it mildly interesting on finding this out but that's about it. To make any comment about it like the ones you've said is weird and unnecessary. To say "we all use first names here" is pompous as well as weird! Using middle names instead of first names is fairly common, your situation is a slight variation on that, no big deal.