'We all use first names here'

[houseofstone]

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'.

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

I wouldn't actually mind being called this!

I found out someone I knew fairly well had been going by their middle name for the few years I’d known them, and it did come as a surprise tbh. It’s not an actual problem, but it did feel a bit weird when I thought I knew this person quite well but then it turned out I didn’t even know their name.

My uncle goes by his middle name my daughter went by her surname at school and her first initial at home (like instead of calling her Tracey we call her "t" as an example)

I call people what they choose to be called

It's my surname. Just before I started I got an email from IT asking me to confirm my company email address so it's always been surname@company for me.

My dp’s used my middle name since I was a baby.
It wouldn’t occur to me to tell anyone my first name, which I hate!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Lots of people go by some variation of their first name, middle name, or a nickname based on their surname. I think it's good manners to go by someone's preferred name.

I go by a nickname because I associate my given first name with my abusive parents/ family saying it. No one has called me that name for years.

If someone said they preferred to go by a different name, I wouldn't assume it was because they were being cold or distant. If anything, I think calling someone by their chosen name is more familiar and intimate tbh.

Just Bob. You can't quite tell it's a surname since it's a not-uncommon first name for women as well.

*didn't make it clear- I am NC with my family. My dh and his family and my workmates all refer to me by my preferred name. When I get a letter with my old name on it, it feels so strange and not like me at all!

The US singer known as Fergie has the given name Stacey Ann Ferguson. Perhaps your work colleague might calm down if he has some real world examples of people who do the same as you!

Tell your batshit colleague ("putting up barriers", really?) that it's your preference, you have very personal reasons for doing this, that it's common courtesy to refer to someone using the name they prefer. And that you would actually find it quite rude and insensitive if someone insisted on calling you by a name that you do not use.

They're being ridiculous. How would it be more 'intimate' for them to call you a name you don't use than it is to call you the one everybody knows you as. Doesn't make sense at all IMO.

No problem whatsoever.

I am in a group of friends who have known each other for 27 years. One of our group is known solely by her nickname. NO ONE knows her real name. Does it matter? Not a jot - what difference would it make to the relationship we have with her????

I think it's Adolf Baba Ashley

Ah finally a name I would not trade for mine!

Oh sorry YANBU, there are so many people known by different names. Half my relations are called Rosie when their real name is Jane etc, and there are a few people I always know by their surname.

I actually think it's MORE <shudder> "intimate" to be calling someone by essentially a nickname rather than their legal first name.

Yes and it's a good sign that someone is cold calling you, if they address you as "Adolf" when everyone knows you as "Ash"

Well in that case they're just loopy! Ignore and keep being who you ate.

The person who said this to you sounds like a bit of a creep. Enforced intimacy isn't intimacy at all, and it certainly has no place in a professional situation.

Who you ARE!! 😱😱😱

My first name is ok but loads of colleagues and friends call me by a version of my surname. I'm 48 and it's been this way since university! Think Jane Smith, known as Smithy, kind of thing. I'm not bothered either way.
It's really not up to your ridiculous colleague to be upset by your name choice. You go by what you're comfortable with, they can do one.

So it's something like Olive Doreen Summer and your always known by Summer,with Summer @whatever😉

My mum's first given name was Ethel, after an aunt who had tragically died young. My grandpa sneaked it in when he registered her, and my grandma was not pleased. My mum never used it, the family never used it, and it was "forgotten" about, except when she had to provide a birth certificate...

No idea what happened to the above post or where the wink came from!

Yanbu.

I am known only by my nickname to most of my family, friends and work. I hate my actual name and there are very few people who actually use it.

I only recently found out that my BIL has gone by his middle name since being a child, I had no idea! But it wasn't weird, whoever told you that it's more intimate to use a first name is weird 😂😂😄

They thought they were close to you and feel put out that they didn’t know this? In this day and age of self ID, they’re BVU to object to you using YOUR ACTUAL NAME.