'We all use first names here'

[houseofstone]

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'.

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

Eh?

What do you mean by families where all the boys are called the same name, where is that a thing?

My late MIL was called Lily, which she hated...everyone called her Jane, a nickname my FIL gave her when they first started dating. It was even on her order of service at the funeral.

Whoever is giving you grief on this needs to wind their neck in, it's none of their business.

More than a bit. Ridiculous thing to say. Your name is what you want to be called.

But you don't know the middle names of everybody you know either. Yet you consider you do know THEIR names. Being known by your middle name (or surname, or nickname) is no less valid than being known by your first name on your birth certificate.

It would only be reasonable to comment if you were insisting on Ms/Mrs/Mr Surname as this implies status difference. Your Surname is the name you go by as your name of choice, and they should call you that.

YANBU. I would fucking love to go by my last name as nobody can ever pronounce it and I'd never have to interact with anyone outside my family again 😁

I remember not knowing half the names read out at my graduation as the friends in question had been using middle or nicknames exclusively for four years. Meh. Whatever.
I guess I’d I feel it was a “barrier” if you were jane to all your friends and family but made me at work as a colleague call you Mrs Mackenzie or even just Mackenzie.

@VisionsOfSplendour I swear that is a real thing. The only reason my MIL wasn't also named Ioan was because she was a girl, all her brothers are Ioan-something and use their second names. She could have been ioanella?

I wouldn't care at all which name you preferred to be known by but I suppose if I'd known you a long time and thought we were reasonably close I might be surprised to discover I didn't know your first name. Not sure how much I'd care though, but maybe if it were someone I'd been dating for a while I might? Or if it seemed like they'd been trying to deliberately hide it from me? But yeah, pretty weird comment.

I've worked with a few different people who chose to be addressed by their surnames in work, and that's in jobs where the whole name is on the email, which is how I know.
But it's not like it makes any difference to me, I call people what they tell me their name is 🤷

I actually really like the calling by last name - it's more common with men I think often happening at school (particularly private schools - certainly used to be the norm in older generations).

I got called by my last name at secondary school quite a bit (though a girl) and I really liked it - it was kinda cool?! God knows why but it was the cool teachers that did it so it was highly regarded!

I've got a first name I don't really like that's now synonymous with one of the main royals and I don't like the class association. My surname is pretty common (like top 25 surnames) so I much prefer it!

Getting people to use your formal given name that you don't use and no one who knows you well ever uses = putting up barriers

People using your preferred name, which you and all your friends use = more 'intimate' or friendly

Not hard is it. The work commenter is odd.

yes - this - I had an Uncle who I always knew as Uncle 'Fred' - his surname was 'Fredericks' - as I child I remember thinking it was a bit odd to give a little boy a name so similar to his surname - but it was only when he died that I found our his first name was Clive - Everyone called him Fred, wife, workmates etc. He just hated Clive. He was Fred. Not odd at all - and that's back in the 50's / 60's.

I was at uni with a girl who introduced herself as Kelly from the outset. Everyone called her that, but then her mum came to visit and called her Becky. It turns out Becky was her real name but she'd had a really awful time at school and wanted to start fresh with new friends and a new name for them. Good on her, I say.

I have used a shortened version of my name all my life. Think Sam instead of Samantha (not real name) Nobody ever called me Samantha and it created a feeling of distance whenever anyone called me it.
I joined my company ten years ago- a conservative office environment. All accounts were set up from my passport details, so everywhere was Samantha. I’d introduce myself as Sam and people would reply to me with Samantha. It went on for years until I had a work version of me who was Samantha and a free time version of me who was Sam. In a way, this was quite useful, because Sam would have told a lot of people to fuck off on a weekly basis.
Ten years later, management switched out for new fresher team, dei committee putting pronouns all over emails and new young recruits going by all sorts of names not at all related to their passports. That’s the modern way.
I considered changing my pronouns to he just so I could announce I am now Sam but actually I’m probably more of a professional person when in the Samantha mindset.
Anyway your colleague sounds incredibly old fashioned.

UK funnily enough.

I know one family where ALL the boys are Charles X Surname, but are known by whatever the X is, and another one where they are all James X Surname. Going back generations in both cases.

Bit odd really. Might as well just all have the same middle name and make life easy but apparently it's tradition.

I also know someone who goes exclusively by his surname, to the point that his own wife only ever uses his surname to talk to him and about him, and for a second gets genuinely confused when his parents call him by his first name. It's not that uncommon. Also a family member who exclusively goes by her middle name, and a friend who goes by a variation of his last name.

I wouldn't worry about it, Fanny Lala Shannon.

Many people I knew growing up I knew by their middle names without realising until I was an adult. One was a very close family friend. One woman confused us by sending us a Christmas card signed by Jane, B, C, D and E when then only woman we knew whose husband was B and children C, D and E was called Angela. Turns out she'd had a job where she was one of 5 Janes and had used her middle name instead, and stuck to it elsewhere. She'd forgotten we were friends of Angela's!

Never thought anything of it in any case, except of one teacher. We knew staff by their surnames, but first names were printed in concert programmes etc, and their initials used elsewhere. He was the only member of staff with only two initials.

He admitted in one class he did, actually, have a third name but when I asked what his middle name was he answered with the name we knew him as. It turned out he'd been bullied for having an old-fashioned name and so he'd chosen to go by his middle name. We just felt sorry for him as his first name wasn't that old-fashioned (especially for his age, nothing like Algenon nor Augustus) and he'd seemed to have carried this embarrassment for 50 years or so.

Same thing happened to me when I was thanked for coming to Lillian’s funeral - I always thought she was Aunt Sheila. Even my dad had no idea and she was his dads sister

Morse was my first thought too.

Get yourself a jag, OP, and people will then be okay with it.

DH is known by the first syllable of his surname apart from by his immediate family and very old school friends. I'm like who? Oh yes!

I could do the same as the shortening could be male or female.

My mum had two godawful "old lady" names. Her middle name was always used until she left home and gave herself a totally different (lovely) name which everyone used. Occasionally, say in a doctor's surgery, someone might use her first name and she would ignore them as she just didn't recognise herself as that name 😂

Call yourself what you like OP. Your colleagues sound nuts.

The person is being dramatic. Are you from Made in Chelsea? I'm thinking Toff 🧐

Hah! I was thinking exactly the same!

People who try to dictate what I should go by, name-wise, get very short shrift from me. It's my name. I get to choose what I'll respond to. As long as it's not rude in the main language of the environment eg the workplace, you get to choose what name you respond to.

This is farily common where I live, more men than women but it's not unusual.