'We all use first names here'

[houseofstone]

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'.

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

It is definitely a thing. I've known families where all the boys are e.g. John Patrick, John Paul, John Joseph, and all the girls Mary Ann, Mary Louise, Mary Elizabeth. And they're known as Pat, Paul, Joe, Ann, Louise, Liz ...

To answer the OP, I have to admit I would feel weird finding out that someone I'd known for months or years was actually using their surname as their first name. It wouldn't bother me to use it, and I've known plenty of people who go by their surname with no bother, I just would find it a little odd to not have known for ages.

I call my DH by his surname. At our wedding at least 3 of my friends were very confused as they thought it was his first name!

If you wanted to be called Trixiebell-Rainbow it's up to you! Tell them it's much more intimate that people use your surname as it's a name you choose to use, not the name you hate and would make you feel sad to be called.

Honestly, who are these fucking idiots? The same type that would insist on shortening my name no doubt, which I never respond to!

'it is my surname, but I use it as my first name'
Your name can be by common usage, problem solved. Person saying it's a barrier is being controlling, to you it is a given/ first name.

I remember how stupid I felt when I realised that my friend’s husband wasn’t called Ferg Ferguson, about five years in. Other than that crack on.

Not strange at all. I've known my mil for around 30yrs and only very recently found out the name I know her as is infact a shortened version of her middle name. It only came up because I've been helping her sort out her house ready to move and we were going through a bunch of her paperwork. I was a little surprised but it doesn't change my feelings or closeness with her

I worked with someone for years who went by a different name and none of us had any clue whatsoever until someone was looking for their paycheck in the pile and found one for someone we didn't know. We were baffled for a few days until said colleage came in and told us. It didn't bother any of us and it hasn't been brought up again since.

Everyone called my great uncle by his last name, including his wife, my great aunt. It was a name that also works as a first name, so not that odd sounding, but I am sure most people knew that it was his last name.

I’ve been intimate with a few folk I work with back in the day

Loads of people use their last name up north. It’s actually more intimate because it’s a bit like a nickname. Often it gets a ‘y’ added. So smith would become smithy etc.

Having read your further answers / clarifications, @houseofstone I can't think of anything other than they are being weird!
You go by your surname which happens also to be a first name. End of.
Good luck being steadfast and patiently refusing to budge. Hopefully they'll soon manage to get their heads round it.

No clue about the first...But is your middle name Daisy/Rosie and your last name Taylor? First names that crept to mind 😁

When I was at school, it was perfectly standard for girls to be known by their surnames, especially if they had first names like Elizabeth or Rachel or Sarah (i.e. there were lots of them). There was one girl who was only ever known as Grog (a shortening of her very long surname) - I don't think anyone even remembered what her actual name was.

an old friend of mine had a boyfriend with an awful surname, I wasn’t exactly ‘testicle’ but something very similar. The mother had given all of the siblings a middle name that could also be used as a surname. My friend’s boyfriend was Steven James Testicle. He was known as ‘Steven James’ and introduced himself as such. I always thought it was quite clever of the mother.

Culturally, going back a few decades, it was quite common for the upper classes especially at public schools, to call each other by their surnames when they were teens and early 20s.

Or, to shorten the surname into a nick name.

It was a kind of 'false formality' .

I have an ex who (as a kind of 'joke' ) used to call me by my surname as in 'Hey, Fogg, fancy going out tonight?' Rather than 'Phyliss'.

It's your name. Go by whatever you please

OP, clearly by that statement they are a twat🙄.

What you choose to be called is no one's business but your own and I would ask them why they thought it was any of theirs.

Pass remarkable twat🙄

Actually my oldest friends of 40, 50+ years all call me affectionately by my surname.

One of my DDs has been called by her middle name since birth.

She only uses her first name for official stuff.

There's a rather complicated reason why she was given her first name as a first name but I've always preferred her middle name and so does she. Very few people know her actual first name.

One of my sisters never used her given first name and in fact was known by a similar but completely unrelated name even by the teachers at school.

I was some way through my childhood when I found out that she has a different given name. Never bothered me. She was still the same person and her name, as far as I was concerned, was the name I'd always known her by.

I think the person that made the remark about the name you use and barriers is being ridiculous tbh.

It's your name and you use it how you like, nothing to do with anyone else.

We have a friend of the family whose family does this. All the males are David, and known by their middle name. It’s a family tradition apparently.

I think YANBU. Surely if anything it would be less intimate for them to use a name you never use, rather than one that people you know well use?

Is your surname Ashley, btw?

I call my best male friend by his surname which is coincidentally a female first name.

Many years ago I worked with two women who were called by a shortened surname. Never come across it since.

Wouldn't bother Me in the slightest

I suggest asking Morse.