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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'We all use first names here'

149 replies

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:22

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'. Hmm

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 17/05/2023 17:51

Are you actually Fifi Trixibelle Geldof???

AliceOlive · 17/05/2023 17:51

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:22

How common is it for someone to primarily be known by their last name?

I hate my first name and my middle name sounds like 'baby talk'. Thankfully, my last name also works as a first name so that's what I've been going with since I was 16/17.

Would it bother you if you found out that someone you are on a first-name basis with has been using their last name all this while? I've been told that
it feels like I've been 'putting up barriers' because actual first names are 'more intimate'. Hmm

YABU — Yes, it would bother me
YANBU — No, it would not bother me

What a weirdo. I don't want to be "intimate" with my coworkers. I like them and we are amicable and friendly. But they aren't my best friends.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 17/05/2023 17:52

I have known loads of people who go by their surname - it seems really odd that they've made an issue of it if it's your day to day name...

SuperSonicAyeAye · 17/05/2023 17:52

I used to work with someone called,say, Hillary, but she went by Ree. However, we all knew her given name was Hillary. When our asshole colleague was trying to wind her up, to be mean, he'd call her Hillary. So I can perfectly understand why you'd introduce yourself with your preferred name.
The person who said that is weird.

Original poster
houseofstone · 17/05/2023 17:53

ALittleBitAlexa · 17/05/2023 17:42

I used to work with someone who did this, after about 3 months we found out the name we were all using was actually her surname. I did find it a little odd, but then she was a little odd in general. I'd find it less strange if you introduced yourself and made it clear, e.g. 'I'm James Bond, but I prefer to be called Bond'.

I used to do this when I was in still in school but stopped eventually because it gets tiring having to answer 'why' and then go through the 'oh it's not that bad actually'/'well I like it' conversation.

OP posts:
Tellmeimcrazy · 17/05/2023 17:55

It's the same as a nickname as far as I'm concerned. Don't see it as a problem

LakeTiticaca · 17/05/2023 17:58

My sons have always been known by a shortened version of their surname.
Nobody seemed to mind and 2 of them are known by that at their workplace 😀

PerkingFaintly · 17/05/2023 17:58

"It's Morse. Just Morse."

TeenLifeMum · 17/05/2023 17:59

Surely you call people the name they prefer?

Floralnomad · 17/05/2023 18:00

YANBU , you tell people the name you wish to be known as , in your case your last name .

WimpoleHat · 17/05/2023 18:02

actual first names are 'more intimate'.

Only if that’s what people with whom you are close call you! I have a friend whose “name” is a shortening of her surname (think Jules); she always says that the only people who call her her given name of Hannah are her teachers and her mother!

SirenSays · 17/05/2023 18:03

Wouldn't bother me at all. I'm happy to use whatever name you like.

swanling · 17/05/2023 18:03

As long as I was calling you by the name you wanted to be known by, I wouldn't care.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/05/2023 18:03

So your name is say Irene Googu Mackenzie and you like to be called Mackenzie? I mean I might be like ooh, I didn't know that, have you always preferred to he called Mackenzie? But I wouldn't declare you've had secret barrier up that I never noticed before and I barely know who you are any more 3tc because you're YOU, not a name.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 17/05/2023 18:04

PerkingFaintly · 17/05/2023 17:58

"It's Morse. Just Morse."

Yup.

Ultimately OP you get to choose what they call you as you can ignore them if they don't use your choice. Wink

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 17/05/2023 18:06

Or...

Jerome K Jerome did ok, so maybe deed poll your name and swap the order around if they're going to flap about like an injured seagull about it

Original poster
houseofstone · 17/05/2023 18:06

planthelpadvice · 17/05/2023 17:47

Is this in a work situation? I'm guessing if so, it's a role where you don't use email etc as usually that uses first name and surname /email signatures etc?

Yes it's a work situation. Very small company so our emails are just first@company. If there are people with the same name the second one usually gets firstlastinitial@company. Bit odd and a bit messy sometimes but that's how they've set it up.

OP posts:
OhCrumbsWhereNow · 17/05/2023 18:06

I work with someone who I have only ever known by what sounded like a slightly unusual but rather nice first name.

Got a complete shock when I needed a copy of their passport a few months ago to discover that it was their surname. They don't suit their real first name at all! I was intrigued to know what name their siblings used but otherwise it was no big deal. Loads of people don't use their first name (families where all the boys are called the same first name and use their middle one for example).

Fandabedodgy · 17/05/2023 18:06

I know a few men who go by their surnames

itssquidstella · 17/05/2023 18:08

My colleague's 45 year old wife is known as a version of her surname by pretty much everyone, including her husband.

JustDanceAddict · 17/05/2023 18:09

Wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s what you choose to call yourself instead of your first name!!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/05/2023 18:12

I'm not sure I know anyone that does this, but I can't see why would it bother me.

Marjorie Coco Stephen? Grin

RegainingTheWill2023 · 17/05/2023 18:12

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 18:06

Yes it's a work situation. Very small company so our emails are just first@company. If there are people with the same name the second one usually gets firstlastinitial@company. Bit odd and a bit messy sometimes but that's how they've set it up.

Show quote history

So is your email address your first name? That's maybe why it feels odd.
Could you get your email changed to be surname@company? Then the 2 would be aligned?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/05/2023 18:12

Oh, my dad goes by a diminutive of his surname, duh. Can't believe I forgot that!

ChrisPPancake · 17/05/2023 18:13

Depends. So if your last name is Bob, are you known as Bob, or Ms/Mr/Mx Bob? I can see way off in the distance their point about being a bit stuffy if it's the latter, but the former I'd find it difficult to gaf tbh!