To ‘allow’ child to be vegetarian?

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DD8 declared herself vegetarian about a year ago. It was mildly inconvenient at first as none of the rest of us are, so making meals for me, DH and other DC is a little challenging, but it’s fine.
Vege DD has been very committed and hasnt doubted her choice at, she won’t eat gelatin in jelly, sweets etc. Also won’t eat any meat substitutes like veg sausages or quorn.
She is quite fussy but we think she’s still eating well - lots of veg etc, plenty of dairy and nuts, plus chickpeas, lentils, some beans. Also a daily kids vitamin/supplement.

MIL and SIL cannot get past this and speak to her like she’s stupid about it, or to us in front of her eg. “Well why is she like this?” “Where has she got this from?” (quite accusatory) “How ridiculous!” “Your making rod for your own back here letting her call the shots.” “You should tell her no.” “It’s not healthy/right.” “You should her this/that/the other.” It’s like they think she has some illness and that we’re idiots for ‘allowing’ this.

I mean being vegetarian isn’t my bag but if that’s what she wants and she’s eating what I think is healthily, I don’t think AIBU am I? Well I guess I know I’m not really, but other parents have been a little eyebrows raised or they laugh and ask if she’s grown out of it yet, so maybe IABU

Food isn't a battleground in my house and anyone critisising like this at dinner wouldn't be asked back. It's incredibly rude. I'd tell them once and then enforce that.

One thing your daughter's going to have to get used to I'm afraid.

People like to paint vegetarians (and especially vegans) as preachy types who never shut up about it. But there's a much larger and more vocal opinionated bunch of meat eaters out there who are outraged by our very existence and stick their unwanted opinions in at every opportunity.

Just putting that word in the thread title will bring them running to lecture you about UPF and the food miles in avocadoes. It's neverending. I once had someone IRL tell me that tomatoes feel pain when they're picked from the vine.

It's possible to be perfectly healthy and well nourished on a vegetarian diet but you do need to know the basics of nutrition and take care to include or supplement certain things. It probably wouldn't hurt to get some professional advice so you can be 100% confident she's getting everything she needs.

This!

OP, you are an amazing mum, and your DD will always remember how you supported and defended her choice.

As long as the child is willing to eat the necessary variety of food to maintain a nutritious vegetarian diet, I would fully support my child’s choice.

Just make sure to add some B12 vitamin pills to her diet as I believe B12 is only found in animal products x

Being vegetarian is hardly a fussy diet. How is it “not healthy” or “not right” especially compared to eating animal carcasses which is more controversial. There’s nothing inherently bad about a balanced vegetarian diet.

You can give her the same food as everyone else sans meat, they must not realise that it doesn’t have to be complicated and she isn’t “calling shots”. I would leave her to it and ignore these comments. Especially if a GP isn’t concerned.

Being vegetarian isn’t a personality trait. It seems like you’ve told plenty of people who are piping up with their unsolicited comments, sometimes it’s okay to keep things quiet. It’s not a big deal and people will always tell you how to raise your kids “properly” - if they weren’t commenting on this, they’d comment on something else you’re doing “wrong” instead.

I’m early 20s and stopped eating meat at a young age too. Meat just doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t crave it. I pretty much started sorting my own food from secondary school onwards eg naturally gravitated towards meat-free lunch at school and meat free snacks at home. Breakfast was usually cereal or porridge. It was easy to drop meat. As an adult I have been slim and active with no health concerns either so it hasn’t negatively impacted me.

I would support her and tell ILs it's none of their business.

It sounds like she is eating well. Make sure her vitamins have b12 & D in.

Please support her choice. It is absolutely a valid one. I have one veggie child and one omnivore. The comments from your in laws are just another form of bullying, but as for dealing with them, get your husband to address it.

Please check that she gets enough calcium and also vit k2, apart from the obvious veggie supplements like b12 and iron. Lentils and rice make a complete protein, I cook the lentils in a stock cube and have a big bowl of the mix in the fridge as standby. Sorry, I know you didn’t ask for advice on a veggie diet but this really helped us x

If she's eating a wide variety of foods then i'd support and everyone will just have to get over it. Though for us and i know other kids - was the first sign of restrictive eating leading to eating disorder. Didn't pick that up til too late. Her iron stores are pretty much zero and she needs to nap after school before activities. She sleeps alot. But if she's eating a wide variety of vegitarian food then i'd just go with the flow and not care what others say.

Mine went vegetarian around this age and stuck with it for a few years. I think you are right to support it - it's important that kids are shown respect when they make choices based on what they feel to be morally correct.
I would tell the grandparents/ILs to wind their necks in. Not their business.

Dsis is vegetarian. Her three dc have been vegetarian since birth and one is now vegan. Her mil used to give her a lot of hassle when they were small, insisting that they were missing vital nutrients and wouldn’t grow properly. They are all young adults now and are all very healthy, sporty and very academically bright. Mil now sings the praises of a vegetarian diet.

The only part of this that’s unreasonable is allowing your family to openly criticise your child. Repeatedly. In front of her. I’d be far more concerned about the affects of that to be honest!

My mum supported my decision to go vegetarian around a similar age c 35 years ago. still a vegetarian now and will always have so much love and respect for my mum for sticking up for my choice and supporting me 100%. I hated the thought of eating animals and I still do. If she had forced me to eat it then I honestly don't know how I would have coped but I would have found it incredibly hard and distressing and don't think I could have been as close to her as I was (past tense as she sadly died 20+ years ago). Your child will appreciate what you do for her now and will be grateful you respected her decision.

Your daughter wants to be vegetarian and she is eating well. I would have a conversation with MIL/SIL without your child present, where you firmly tell them that they are not to comment negatively again. I wouldn’t justify her diet in any way.

As for ‘growing out of it’, maybe she will, but I refused to eat meat from about age 6 and was vegan from age 18 so over 20 years now.

My kids have been vegetarian and vegan for many years also with no sign of changing, that's despite my partner, their dad, eating some meat/dairy/eggs.

I’m sure some of our relatives live in hope that our kids will change as some of them sound like your lot. 🙄 I did tell them to stop commenting years ago, but sometimes as the years have gone by, they can’t help themselves. My kids are happy to ignore them or just give a sarcastic or piss taking response now which is what they deserve.

She should be fine for B12 if vegetarian as will be eating dairy and eggs still, it's also in lots of things like fortified cereal.

It's vegans who need B12 as not eating meat, dairy and eggs. All vegans must supplement to get adequate levels.

I have pernicious anaemia due to no intrinsic factor and need B12 injections. So even if I ate meat I would still need to have B12 injections. Diagnosed before I went vegan.

They’re bullying her. Because they’re too lacking in imagination to see a diet without dead fish and animals in can be normal and healthy. That’s their problem to deal with, not hers. Tell them to knock it off

Buy her a veggie recipe book if you haven’t, there are loads aimed at children these days. Get her involved with cooking. Tell your rude in laws to stop picking on her or discussing her diet.

I'd be bluntly telling MIL and SIL to butt out and shut up because it just isn't any of their business.

I’d want to say “Oh yes, it’s a huge pain in the ass listening to all the idiots whinge on about it, but I’m not going to force-feed her food she doesn’t like just because of that.”

I am amazed anyone even comments on it in this day and age.

If it’s truly out of concern and to put your mind at ease, you could take her to her doctor for a checkup to make sure she’s getting everything she needs from her diet and vitamins. You can then tell family the doctor says she’s fine. That should stop their arguments.

I rarely eat meat and tend toward vegetarianism myself. But I do have it sometimes. A committed vegetarian I know though told me she had been having health issues and her doctor advised her to eat meat occasionally because she was missing nutrients. I don’t know if she was not eating correctly or what to cause deficiencies, but she ate meat every so often after that.

I eat meat but oddly I get annoyed by people who criticise vegetarians and vegans.

How can you criticise someone who doesn't want to eat an animal that has been slaughtered?

Sometimes I feel that it should be us meat eaters who should receive this criticism!

Good for your daughter! My DD became vegetarian at a similar age and never stopped. I’m proud of her.

Vegetarianism is so common and easily catered for …why are they making it such a big deal?

It’s entirely between you and her. Had it been sp inconvenient that you had said she had to wait until she was old enough to cook herself, that would also have been fine, but if you are happy to support it, then it’s also worth supporting her when others criticise. If they’re doing it in front of her, I would definitely be asking them to stop and being firm with them about it.

Call them out on their rudeness and tell them to back off and respect your parenting decisions.

My DD turned vegetarian it around the same age and hasn’t eaten meat in four years. If someone had a moan I’d just say, ‘She is old enough to make her own choices about what she wants to eat, and I am happy to support those choices. She’s eating well and she’s happy and healthy, and that’s what’s important’.

@blueberrychipmuffins b12 supplementation is needed for vegans not vegetarians. Because vegetarians still eat eggs and dairy etc also b12 is added to a lot of cereals etc. (And red Bull 🤣🤣)

But op dont resort to Quorn products as meat replacements. Just do some proper googling on what is necessary and what to keep your eye out for.

But people tend to straight away panic when kids stop eating meat. Even though nobody bats an eye when kids eat only chicken nuggets and chips and veggieless pasta 6 days a week 🤣 that's so weird to me.