To ‘allow’ child to be vegetarian?

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DD8 declared herself vegetarian about a year ago. It was mildly inconvenient at first as none of the rest of us are, so making meals for me, DH and other DC is a little challenging, but it’s fine.
Vege DD has been very committed and hasnt doubted her choice at, she won’t eat gelatin in jelly, sweets etc. Also won’t eat any meat substitutes like veg sausages or quorn.
She is quite fussy but we think she’s still eating well - lots of veg etc, plenty of dairy and nuts, plus chickpeas, lentils, some beans. Also a daily kids vitamin/supplement.

MIL and SIL cannot get past this and speak to her like she’s stupid about it, or to us in front of her eg. “Well why is she like this?” “Where has she got this from?” (quite accusatory) “How ridiculous!” “Your making rod for your own back here letting her call the shots.” “You should tell her no.” “It’s not healthy/right.” “You should her this/that/the other.” It’s like they think she has some illness and that we’re idiots for ‘allowing’ this.

I mean being vegetarian isn’t my bag but if that’s what she wants and she’s eating what I think is healthily, I don’t think AIBU am I? Well I guess I know I’m not really, but other parents have been a little eyebrows raised or they laugh and ask if she’s grown out of it yet, so maybe IABU

This isn't necessary. You can get B12 from fortified milks such as soya and oat, fortified cereals and things like nutritional yeast.
Vitamins are not necessary just because someone doesn't eat animals, only if someone eats unhealthily.

She has made a informed choice presumably for ethical reasons. She is maintaining a balanced diet.I would tell mil and sil they are not to question your parenting choices or your daughter's eating habits. Reinforce to your daughter that you are proud of her for the choices she is making.

This is false. I've been vegan for years and I, nor any other vegan I know, has vitamin supplements.
Dairy and eggs are unhealthy. Lots of vegan foods contain B12 such as fortified milk, cereals and nutritional yeast.
As long as a vegan eats healthily, they don't need vitamin supplements.

^^This.

Which of her life choices is up for bullying and derision next? Her choices for GCSEs? Her clothes? Hair? Boyfriend/girlfriend?

Your child is fine on a veggie diet. Done right, it's healthier than eating meat.

But allowing anyone into your home to treat your child with disrespect? And you? Not a chance.

I started refusing to eat meat from around age 6 I think (still don't eat it to this day, and have had long stints of veganism too so I didn't grow out of it!). This post has made me wonder what annoying comments my mum had to put up with - my dad was a shepherd and we had lots of family members in the agriculture sphere so I'm sure plenty of people had lots to say.

I'm pleased my parents supported my choice. Though to be honest, they'd have not got very far trying to force me to eat meat. I was a very stubborn child

The only question here is how to deal with MIL and SIL comments. I think I'd just make a joke of them, but meeting them away from your daughter to tell them to butt out is a good option if you are up for it. I think the comments will occasionally come up in the future so modelling how to deal with them for your dd would be good.

We had this, Dd became vegetarian at a very similar age and actually we all eat mostly veggi now (me, Dd and DH- who is also fully veggi, not DS who is a hardened carnivore). MiL still struggles with it a bit and the older generation definitely rely on meat substitutes far more than we do.

But now 9 years on there is acceptance. BTW she has tried meat since turning vegetarian and hates it.

Vegetarian is much easier to cater for in terms of children's growth needs than Vegan so I would make sure she eats the B12 vitamins, eggs, cheese, nuts, grains, beans/legumes and a varied diet of course, within the vegetarian mode.

Take no notice of them. When I was little I didn’t eat meat as I just didn’t like it and even now I hardly eat it. My grandson is the same. He literally gags on it as he doesn’t like it. My daughter and her husband aren’t vegetarian and nor were my parents. It’s not a big deal at all. It’s easy to accommodate. It’s funny how when an adult says they don’t like something it’s completely acceptable but if a child says it,it’s usually just dismissed. She may well grow out of it but if she doesn’t it’s certainly not anything to worry about

I went veggie at 6 years old and never looked back. My parents were supportive but got criticism from the wider family. They didn't really engage with it and everyone got bored of saying anything after a couple of years.

I was a bit of a fussy eater to begin with but I think being veggie forced me to try and get used to more variety, my Mum always stressed the importance of getting the right nutrition if I wanted to be veggie. I have always been very healthy, now married to an omnivore and have 2 children free to choose whichever diet they want.

Support your daughter, ignore your in laws, they will either get used to it or get bored!

Well your MIL and SIL are from a different generation but we will see more and more children and young people choosing to be vegetarian or vegan given the imminent climate crisis.

You should be proud of your daughter - please support her and ignore your ill-informed relatives. They will get bored eventually and it's really none of their business what your daughter chooses to eat. I have never understood the fascination with how other people choose to fuel their bodies!

I’m sure my mother had the same concerns when I refused to eat meat 50 odd years ago, after witnessing animal cruelty. Fortunately she didn’t force me to eat it, despite being a post war meat and 2 veg cook. 3 of my children are vegan and 4 grandchildren vegetarian We’re all healthy.

This .Also I would tell relatives to learn some manners !

Being veggie is no big deal and you're being a brilliant mum by supporting her.
In years she will look back and remember this.
Tell MiL and SiL to keep their beaks out of it and stop being so bloody rude.

Similar to your DD I became vegetarian when I was 10 years old and was very strict about it from the get go. My Grandma who was a bit old school could never wrap her head around it and would still cook meat every time I went round to her house and I'd have to say I was vegetarian again each time. Luckily my parents supported me and would explain and re explain to her whenever she made comments! I think you need to do the same for your daughter. Lots of people made comments to the effect of 'it's just a phase' but in my case it lasted until I was 21 and at University. Whether it lasts or not doesn't really matter. This is her preference and should be supported and respected.

YANBU My dd is 8 and has been vegetarian for two years. It’s a bit of a pain, but if she morally objects to eating meat, im not going to force her. I respect her choice.

I think you're a wonderful parent and your daughter is lucky - please keep supporting her choices.
My sister stopped eating meat around the same age your daughter is and is still a vegetarian about 35 years later. So it isn't always something people " grow out of "
I became a veggie about 12 years ago and am currently raising my toddler as one. Once he is old enough to understand where his food comes from, if he chooses to eat animals I will be sad, but will support him. I completely agree with one of the previous posters who said that meals should not be a battleground.

Tell them to piss off. I think your dd sounds amazing!

They sound insufferable

You’re supporting her choices and letting her know people can respect her and her choices. You’re raising your daughter to have high standards on how she should be treated and considered. You’re letting her know that her choices about her body and how she treats it’s are valued. You’re doing great. Your in laws are in the wrong here. You’re setting yourself up for a good relationship with your daughter. This is about so much more than food. If she makes healthy choices that aren’t detrimental to herself they should be respected - now and in the future!

At university, we did a module on environmental microbiology, which involved us being taken around a slaughterhouse. I measured my length on the floor. The next day, my bacon breakfast no longer had the same appeal. As a consequence, I have been a vegetarian since 1971. No Iill effects so far.

Good for her! If she’s getting a balanced diet w dairy, pulses and nuts as proteins it’s great & healthier than a lot of meat products.
quorn etc is ultra-processed muck though so it’s good she’s not having meat subs. Unless you use tvp/soya protein like veggies did in the 80s!

I wish my parents had supported me like you are doing your daughter. I went veggie at 13 and over 30 years later I'm still viewed as being difficult and awkward and nobody knows what I'd eat. I'm NC with the ones still alive except for my mum who is lovely but still doesn't get it and is probably the most fussy out of us all. Good on you for standing by your girl. My dc are veggie too (since birth) except for the eldest who is rebelling and living with her dad.

YANBU at all.

DS was vegetarian from similar age and vegan from about 15. He learned to cook for himself and now cooks lovely meals for me.

Tell MIL to keep out of it.

Try reading the OP. It says the daughter DOES NOT EAT QUORN OR MEAT SUBSTITUTES.

OP, your daughter has a healthier diet than most, so you should be very happy for her.