To ‘allow’ child to be vegetarian?

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DD8 declared herself vegetarian about a year ago. It was mildly inconvenient at first as none of the rest of us are, so making meals for me, DH and other DC is a little challenging, but it’s fine.
Vege DD has been very committed and hasnt doubted her choice at, she won’t eat gelatin in jelly, sweets etc. Also won’t eat any meat substitutes like veg sausages or quorn.
She is quite fussy but we think she’s still eating well - lots of veg etc, plenty of dairy and nuts, plus chickpeas, lentils, some beans. Also a daily kids vitamin/supplement.

MIL and SIL cannot get past this and speak to her like she’s stupid about it, or to us in front of her eg. “Well why is she like this?” “Where has she got this from?” (quite accusatory) “How ridiculous!” “Your making rod for your own back here letting her call the shots.” “You should tell her no.” “It’s not healthy/right.” “You should her this/that/the other.” It’s like they think she has some illness and that we’re idiots for ‘allowing’ this.

I mean being vegetarian isn’t my bag but if that’s what she wants and she’s eating what I think is healthily, I don’t think AIBU am I? Well I guess I know I’m not really, but other parents have been a little eyebrows raised or they laugh and ask if she’s grown out of it yet, so maybe IABU

I actually think it's very sweet she's opted to become vegetarian at such a young age and stuck to it.
I was veg for about 4 years (between16 and 20) and in all fairness I never once missed meat or ever found it hard to make something or find something veg whilst eating out. Even nandos, used to LOVE their veg pitta. (Note: I'm British Punjabi so there are a million and one veg dishes I would make at home as a lot of punjabi households only really would make meat curries on weekends back in the 90s lol)
I had anaemia issues and couldn't absorb properly from pills, so went back to eating meat.
I think definitely consult GP if you personally have any queries on this can affect growing DD but in all fairness she will be absolutely fine.

When it comes to your ILs...they can FUCK OFF. Like a previous poster said, they wouldn't be invited back. Can't believe they would say that your making a rod for your own back...NO, you're showing all your children that there is a whole variety of foods you can open yourself up to eating as a vegetarian. You're wonderful OP.

My DD became pescatarian at the same age. I was quietly relieved she was happy to still eat fish as it makes it easier to accommodate alongside some other food issues in the family. We don’t see wider family a lot and they do get a bit “aargh I don’t know what to cook her” or are surprised that she hasn’t grown out of the phase yet.

I think it’s been great for us as a family. She loves beans and pulses and I just stopped making meat chillis/bolognese etc and now make them with lentils or beans for all of us. So we’re all getting a more rounded diet and it’s cheaper. I’m really glad she made the choice.

When my mil heard our dc would be raised vegetarian she declared they would eat meat at her house.. So they never went there without me... Ever.

YANBU

I really don’t understand why so many people like this seem so baffled about choosing not to eat meat. It’s such a weird thing to comment on or get uppity about when you’re not the one choosing to do it nor is it the hassle they make it out to be.

It really isn’t difficult to omit meat from a lot of dishes. Beans on Toast, meat-free and is a staple to many and I doubt most people like this don’t have vegetable sides to go with the meat they do consume.

I remember being a child, preferring vegetables and pasta to meat and would voice I don’t want any and being told I had to finish my plate. Even sat in a chair for hours after dinner because I refused to eat a piece of chicken I told my mother I didn’t want in the first place before she even put it on my plate. She told me to just taste it at least, did so, still didn’t like it and was told to eat all of it. She sent me to bed and the next morning it was waiting for me at breakfast. Took me about a day in a half to get it down covering it in ketchup in the end.

I still eat meat but only specific kinds cooked in specific ways and have to have a craving for it. I probably eat it once maybe every 7 - 10 days sometimes longer. Plus often I don’t feel like going through the process and time of cooking meat. My DH enjoys meat much more so he cooks it several times a week. Our kids eat a variety of things so they have the choice to eat what we make between us and more variety and choice than I had as a child.

YANBU. I wish my mum had been like you when I announced I was going vegetarian. She dismissed it as a fad, I'd grow out of it and she wasn't going to spend money on special foods and cook separate meals. I was resolute in my choice and so I just started making meals for myself (I was older than your DD).

I was strict veggie for 30 years and now been vegan 5 years. Neither diets / lifestyles are that strange these days, so unsure why your ILs are being so sniffy and accusatory about it.

I think you should be proud of your DD for sticking to something she feels is important to her and pat yourself on the back for being supportive.

My DD went vegetarian last year just after turning 8, she was never that keen on meat anyway but decided she didn't want to eat animals anymore. There is no way I am going to force her to eat meat when she feels so strongly about it.

It is a bit of a pain but she will eat the substitutes like quorn so makes it a bit easier. I have been firm with the people who try to sway her by saying it's her decision and I support it. We do have vegetarians and vegans in the family so there is more understanding.

I don't see why people feel the need to make a big drama out of it, I would be firm and tell the family members they aren't to mention it and try to sway her. What difference does it make to them?

My DSis became vegetarian at that age and has stayed that way her whole life. Going vegan a few years ago, Im proud of her.

It shows how compassionate your DD is that she is strong enough to carry out her wishes, and you're doing a fab job supporting her.

Like a pp said. Some kids have the most horrendous diets, nothing to do with vegetarianism. You're obviously doing a brilliant job already educating yourself on how to give her the nutrients she needs.

Let MIL and SIL know that you are supporting her choice and there is nothing wrong with it whatsoever, then ignore any more mean and unsolicited comments.

💐

Thank you for all the positive and supportive posts. It’s very reassuring to read that what I thought was a good thing, certainly is.
Thanks also for the advice some have offered.

To respond to some points people have made:
She’s taking a daily vitamin which contains vitamin D and B12 and also eats plenty of dairy (milk, cheese, yogurt daily) so hopefully she will be getting what she needs from those.
Yes it has been strange to see how so many people have such strong opinions on something that in no way concerns them!
When DD first started we said that the rest of us would still be eating meat, but we have found ourselves very rarely eating meat now and we all eat the same, which has worked out well. If we have a roast dinner for example then she will just have the same but without meat.
Always quite difficult when we go out for a meal, or indeed visiting the ILs!
Have definitely told them I think it’s strange that they think it’s such a big deal and not to worry about it. Thankfully they have some questionable opinions on other things so DD does so she seems to realise that they are just ignorant and doesn’t seem affected by what they say. They do seem to try to put her down about it but she just kind of looks of me as if to say “Dicks 🙄” I’ve tried over and over to tell them it’s her decision and we support it, but now when they bring it up I laugh at them in the hope that they realise what they say is indeed laughable. They have continued however. Think DH needs to step in more.
They don’t visit us, we always go to them due to distance and age and we have to take food with us as otherwise they wouldn’t cater to her. Kind of they are making X and if she doesn’t want it then that’s what there is, so tough. We don’t see them often thankfully, but when we do and it’s mealtime it’s always “what’s the vegetarian having?” and they laugh. Or they’ll look at each other in the OTT concerned way and 😬 Last time I was a bit mean to SILs older teenage son and asked if he had “grown out” of eating no vegetables whatsoever - very rich for SIL to have such an opinion of vegetarianism when he son doesn’t eat any veg.

OP you sound like a brilliant mum and I bet your daughter is very grateful that you have been so supportive. I've been veggie from a young age and I think now I'm older I can really see the benefits. It's much easier to stay slim and fit when you have a diet with loads of vegetables.

I turned vegetarian age 8. I suddenly became really conscious of the fact it was a previously living and breathing animal that I was eating and I couldn’t mentally get over that obstacle. If anyone had tried to force me to eat meat I just wouldn’t have eaten at all. Your family are being ridiculous and it is great you are allowing your daughter to experiment and explore her food this way

My daughter has been vegetarian since she was about 10 . Now 20 years later she has remained so as is her daughter. I rarely eat meat because I don’t like the texture and generally pick it out of any meal I cook. Always order vegetarian if out and about. Good for your daughter for being so determined.

@PerryMenno
I once had someone IRL tell me that tomatoes feel pain when they're picked from the vine.
WHAT? That’s hilarious LOL

I "let" my son become vegetarian when he found out where meat came from and decided that he didn't want to eat it. He was 3.5 at the time and was veggie for 9 months.

@itsrainin
“It seems like you’ve told plenty of people who are piping up with their unsolicited comments, sometimes it’s okay to keep things quiet”
it’s only really been if she’s going for a play date and someone’s house and having tea or if going to a party. Some people just accept it, but there have been plenty of eye rolls and “what the hell does she eat then?” DD didn’t get at first peoples reactions (I still don’t) but now after facing some backlash to going vegetarian seems unfazed. I definitely didn’t expect it to be a thing that I would have to jump to her defence about!

My DD has been vegetarian since she was 6. Her choice. Many eyebrows raised, but it’s none of their business. She may change her mind, she may not but as someone else said, this is what she has to get used to I’m afraid

Something to bear in mind and look out for, thank you. However it feels more like we would be creating problems with food if we made her continue to eat meat as she ended up gagging whilst eating it before she reached her decision.

I wish I had had this choice as a child. You're doing great.

They are like this about many things. It does feel like anything we do is wrong. Thankfully we don’t see them much and DD has come to realise that they are a bunch of dumbf*cks whose opinions count for nothing.
We do respond to them on some things they comment on but we would literally be sat there picking at everything they say as so much of it is stupid. DD is old enough and has realised that they are assholes.

I'm in my 40s, I've been vegetarian for about 20 years now and still get these sorts of comments from people. It's very annoying. Well done for supporting your daughter's choices and allowing her to know her own mind.

What is the alternative your relatives suggest to supporting her decision? Starving her or force feeding or blackmailing her?

I went veggie at 8 after seeing diced rabbit in the supermarket and realising what meat actually was. My family were not pleased but eventually they realised I was serious and it was veggie food or I would go hungry.

Im now vegan and glad that I am. There is so much information about and guidance now and so many food choices that I never had 35 years ago. So I am really glad that she won’t be eating sosmix and burger mix and dry nut roasts 🤮that I suffered

Tell them to Google! Vegetarians live longer and have lower risk of coronary heart disease, diabetes mellitus, obesity, hypertension and even certain cancers. Hardly unhealthy 🙄

My daughter is 8 and she's vegetarian. I won't be making her eat animals when she finds it so distressing. Anyone with an opinion on this can do one tbf.

You sound lovely and supportive. I tried to go veggie when I was younger but didn’t have the support so it failed spectacularly

Sounds like she's eating a good diet, I wish my kids would eat like that!

If you make meals that are vegetarian but can have meat added, you'll all be happy - so eg pasta with tomato sauce you can scatter bacon over, fajitas some of you can add chicken to, batchcook curry and you have a serving of a veggie one and a meat one, BBQ where you do vegetable halloumi kebabs and sausages on the other side of the grill.

Eating more veg is better for you and the planet, so she's onto a good thing. Maybe your DM and DS could do with a bit of nutritional education! Eg the recommended amount of protein needed a day, the link between red meat and bowel cancer, the need to eat fibre etc.