To have just exploded today

[Cantstandbullies]

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

You are not in the least bit unreasonable. You sound like you have been very calm up to now. We all have limits.

Your poor boy 😥😥 remember, at least he knows that his mum is defending him. And well done to his friend for speaking out!

Next, I would get an urgent appointment with the Head to discuss this further. You could potentially contact the police as well if you wish - by Y6, they are 10/11 and, as far as I recall (but it may have changed) the age of criminal responsibility is 10. At the very least, they may speak to the boy and his mother.

Very different as I was only a kid but I absolutely lost my shit at a bully once in primary school. I was probably about 8 and the obnoxious boy had bullied me (verbally) for months. Like you, my parents had spoken to school etc but nothing changed. I was usually a very quiet, well behaved child who wouldn't say boo to a goose but one afternoon, as I was getting my shoes in the cloakroom, he said something while sitting on the bench and I just walloped him one with my shoe 🙈 not my finest hour but he never said a word after that!

I hope you get sorted!

OP please still pass concerns to Governors in an email so you have paper trail of your concerns, they need to be help to account.

Also, please please call Ofsted, things like this must be raised so the school and leadership are held to account for not adequately safeguarding the children in their care.

This is really poor advice. The governors can only be contacted through the proper policies and following them. We can do nothing if we’re just emailed and to be frank no parent has my contact details as a governor anyway. This has to come through the complaints policy. If action did need to be taken by the governors against the head, if proper policies and procedures weren’t followed to be frank it wouldn’t stick.

Ofsted may only be interested when the complaints procedure has been exhausted, but the reality is probably not unless they get several where the parents have followed the complaints policy through all the stages.

This needs dealing with and properly hence myself and several other posters are trying to give the advice that best allows this complaint to succeed.

I used to be chair of governors at my local school and my (school) email address was on the school website.

I would've been happy to receive an email from the OP, so that I could have kept an eye on the situation in terms of seeing that the issue was at least being looked into.

Primary where my kids go in London there’s a Governors email where we as parents can raise issues.
This means the Governors are kept in the loop where there may be an issue. Of course they may say follow school complaints procedure etc but it means they can they ask questions which is their role.
I do take on board your comment about Ofsted and they may not do anything but as this is a safeguarding concern, who knows this may be one of x that they hear and may preempt a visit….

To echo what @Ionacat is saying, some Chairs may have their emails on the website (ours don’t) but to be clear:

• That might go directly to the Clerk not the individual. If it does go to the Chair, yes they will know but the first question will be about procedure
• Governors shouldn’t be replying to individual parents questions so I’d be very surprised if Governor emails are available for this purpose routinely as was suggested upthread
• The Board of Governors have statutory responsibilities which are strategic in nature. It is not answering operational questions from parents. In order for anything like this be addressed by them, the complaints procedure needs to have been followed as has been outlined
• Only then can it be properly investigated and (hopefully) appropriate action taken

I’m not the safeguarding lead Governor but I would really take note of what @Ionacat has outlined.

MrsCharlesFrere
Op said that her child has been hiding it from staff and from her. How on earth is the school supposed to act if this is the case? OP said she begged her son to tell her.

I'd say the bully's home life needs investigating if he is doing this to your son.
She was lucky you didn't punch her one, and say everything your son touches my son I will.punch you in return.

In other words I did say that & now she’s saying she won’t bring her son to the school as she’s “scared” how typical considering her son has made my sons life absolute hell. Couldn’t make it up how much she’s played the victim to the school. Just shocking really x

You are an incredible mother.
Your son will remember for his whole life how you stood up for him and put his needs above all else.
I hope you and he are having a peaceful evening tonight and sending you both so much love and strength.
Not even going to say my thoughts on the school as I can't even put it into words but rest assured I am entirely on your side.
So much love.

I'm so sorry your DS and you are going through this.

I agree with contacting the chair of governors about the school's response to the bullying towards your son. Although I'm not sure how far yo will get considering how far the head is sweeping this under the carpet.

Report this to Ofsted as this is a serious safe guarding issue.

Is the school part of a academy if it is find out who you need to speak from the academy group. If not try to contact someone at your local council, they should have a department which deals with issues happening schools and the school are not responding too.

At least you know the school doesn’t give a shit and you can proceed accordingly (police, for one thing.) If they’d paid lip service you might still think they’d do something helpful.