To have just exploded today

[Cantstandbullies]

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

Don't delay reporting it to Police. Do it first thing, after 9am. If you don't, you may regret it. I doubt you will regret reporting it.

You’ve done well to hold yourself back for so long op, so don’t feel guilty for losing your shit. The school are not protecting your son, so they need to step up and take care of this.

Your poor boy, I’d have reacted exactly the same as you. Good luck with your meeting today and as others have said it might be worth speaking to the police.

Totally agree with all of this and just want to say OP- you are a good mum, you have no reason to feel bad and most of us would have done the same in your situation.

I am so sorry you and your son are going through this x

Do not feel bad. You should continue by asking for an appt at the school with safeguarding and teacher and head and the other boys parents and tell them all all of this. Ask them to act. See what they do from there. If this carries on I would consider moving schools. Good luck to you xxxx

I am so sorry for your lovely boy. I totally agree with the posts to call the police on 101 and to see if this can be treated as a hate crime. And yes to making this as loud as possible by going nuclear on the school. Poor thing. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so shocking happening at a school, especially as it is primary, on all my years on Mumsnet. Big hugs to both of you. X

Your poor son. Children with CF have to put up with so much already and it's a constant battle to keep weight on - it's heartbreaking to think this bully could be the reason why the feeding tube was needed in the first place. I would definitely report this to the police. If your boy isn't going back to school anyway, then go nuclear.

I would report to the police on 101 but they may be limited in the action they take.

Mention safeguarding to school. What secondary are they due to go to? Different ones I hope.

Hiya

yes this need to go through official channels. This is such an awful situation. Have you asked to see if there is any cctv that may have caught the push? I would be inclined to contact LA, ofsted and as far as the police. I would tell Regardless of outcome it will be done. You’ve given the school ample opportunity to sort this. Even if they say, we will be excluding X student, you continue with contacting the relevant authorities. i can’t see how they didn’t know. Students would have seen, statements should have been written.

As previous posters said, children are great at hiding. This isn’t your fault. You’re being a great mum.

I agree with taking this to the police and don’t rest with school until you’re satisfied they are working with you fully. All the best OP today. Be firm and take notes with you if you feel you might get flustered.

Well done op for standing up for your son. My mum did the same for me once and I'll never forget it.

My son was the victim of vile racist bullying in the classroom. The school tried to suspend the child but their parents simply changed schools. So I went to the police who took it very seriously, took our statement and dealt with the bully. In your case I think it's really important that this is reported to the police. This is assault. God only knows who will be the next victim now that your son is at home. Great advice from pp re governors and ofsted too

Year 6.

Is the bully 10 years old?

If so then he is committing a hate crime due to disability discrimination and he has assaulted your child on more than one occasion.

First of all check your insurance to see if you have legal cover. I am not a legal expert.

I'd calm down a bit and then write a nicely worded letter to the school saying they have a duty of care to keep your child safe. They have failed to do this and you want to know what they are going to do about it?

Then if the bully is 10 I'd contact the police, if he isn't 10 then I would write to the bully and his parents pointing out he is committing crimes and the day he turns 10 he is legally responsible for his own actions and can be arrested, but while he is under 10 his parents have to 'reasonable control' of their child.

Bullies do need to be called out.
I am horrified a previous poster has left the teaching profession because of children's behaviour. Poor parenting and a lack of decency seem to be on the rise. My late mother was a police officer and she called in the police when my older brother was bullied. Anyone over 10 is criminally accountable. You need to scare the bejesus out of that little shit. My daughter was bullied but we've had the last laugh. Keep angry and do not send your son to the same secondary as the bully. I am absolutely furious for you. The School Governors need to be informed.

By homeschooling your son instead, you are letting the school get away with this. Your son has a right to education with other children in a safe place.

My DS came home from a school with a black eye two weeks ago. Its the 4th time this year hes been harmed by the same child. I kept him off school the next day and told school that he clearly isnt safe in school and will not be returning until actions have been taken to ensure its addressed and he is safe, and that I was seeking advice from other external parties. The head did more in that one day to resolve the issue than she has the rest of the year. Looks like she was worried about her and the schools reputation.

Before you go to see the head, read through the school's bullying, discipline and safeguarding policies, and make a note of the bits which should have protected your child. Ask them to account for exactly how they have complied with those policies, and to set out a foolproof plan for safeguarding your child if he were to come back.

Forgot to say - those policies should be online. If they aren't, phone the school first thing and ask them to give you copies.

OP there is a boy at my DD primary school known to have v bad behaviour. He had been making inappropriate comments so DD told a dedicated safeguarding teacher who is known as the go-to teacher for this.

I got a phone call from the teacher who very seriously told me what had happened, that they don’t tolerate that language in school and that they would be dealing with it, but if I had any concerns to contact them immediately. The boy was suspended for a week (probably a combination of things but that was the final straw). DD and friend were taken out of class the next day by the deputy head to see how they were doing. When the boy came back he wasn’t allowed at their table for another week and was supervised by someone at lunch time.

That is how you deal with bullies. The victims feel the perpetrators have been punished. I was not happy with what the boy said, it was homophobic slur words but could have been worse let’s say.

This is Y6 primary. My point is your school is not doing enough AT ALL. Your child is already vulnerable and they are failing in their duty of care to provide a safe environment and education for him.

Call SS again and also ofsted. I'd kick up a massive fuss at school as well.

My DD was hit and pushed over at school in year 6. I told the school that I would not allow her to be physically assaulted while under their care and I would report to the police if they did not deal with it. It seemed to make them pay attention.

I think you absolutely did the right thing losing it with her! My brother was bullied really badly at school and one day it was him who lost it and he punched the bully in the face. Think he got a detention but guess what the bullying stopped.

Sometimes the losing it works. Your poor boy, you are a very strong mum and kids hide stuff, it's not your fault

Oh do fuck off. Have you not read how this poor lad has been suffering. He was obviously petrified of speaking up (which is why bullies get away with it so long).
I would absolutely report to the police OP, the school clearly aren’t going to do anything off their own back. I really hope your son starts to get over this horrible time.

Report to 101, then meeting with the school followed by a group email to : headteacher, head of year, teacher, chair of governors, head of your local council and head of LEA (if LEA school), l your local councillor and Ofsted if you can. There’s nothing like a group email to focus people’s minds. Make sure you don’t include the bully’s name in the email for confidentiality reason.

At this stage, I’d demand the bully be excluded.

I’m sorry your son and your family are going through this.

I would call ofsted and raise this as a safeguarding concern.
I would ask for a meeting with the Chair of Governors rather than the Head as they have clearly not done anything.
I would also contact the Local Authority Education Department and raise concerns with them too.
Finally I would go to the police and report the other boy for assault.
what a load of crap, I am so sorry for your son and you to go through this - I cannot abuse bullies and the adults in schools who should be a safety who clearly are not doing their jobs well enough.

Don’t tell the school yet that you intend to home school.

Call non emergency police and report there, or go in person.

Tell the school today you’ve reported to police.

Don’t let the school off the hook.

OFSTED and Police.

It was only when my friend reported to the police the school actually addressed the bullying her DD10 was being subjected to.