To have just exploded today

[Cantstandbullies]

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven’t replied, I had to turn my phone off to try to sleep. I’ve woken up with a calmer head but still angry over what happened.

I am going in to school this morning to see the headteacher (she’s the safeguarding teacher too) I’m requesting a meeting with the governors. I know the bully will be protected because he has ASD. They try to play his actions down because of this but it’s not on anymore.

My son has CF & also ASD but there’s no excuse to bully people. I’ve contacted local paper & if I’m not satisfied after this meeting I’m taking it all the way. If the bully isn’t dealt with properly.

Thanks again everyone x

Well done OP! I fully support you in this

Your poor son and you having to go through all this.
Well done for standing up for your child.
I really hope things can be resolved and the school do there bit.
Sending hugs to you both xx

I too had to do the same thing after approaching a parent for a civilised chat...silly cow thought she could get away with saying if my son is being accused of doing something he hasnt done then he may as well do it.

I am so sorry this has happened OP. My son was assaulted in year 7 in the local park after school. I reported it to school and to the police and both were brilliant. I rang 101 and reported it and an officer phoned me back. They contacted the school who helped ID the culprits and then some time after I was asked what outcome I wanted. I said I would just be happy if they got a bollocking from a police office but in they end they were made to write apology letters to my son and attend a day with offenders where they talk about how horrible it is in prison. He never had anymore trouble from them. Hopefully they were young enough that the whole experience made them think twice about bullying anyone else.

When wondering if calling the police is the right thing, think what you would do if the same happened to an adult. If someone punched me in the face at the park I would call the police so why not for my child?

Good luck today.

OP, I wanted to cry after reading your post. That is heartbreaking for your wee boy. I can't say I would have done any differently, I think she deserved to hear some home truths. You have had some great advice on here and I would be getting police involved too. You sound like a wonderful Mum, I hope that today goes well and your son goes from strength to strength. God love you both x

I had the same at school. After 4 years of being assaulted daily, having at least monthly trips to A&E and my parents doing everything right, my mum sent my older brother to meet me from school, he saw it happen and snapped.

Absolutely went apeshit and beat the crap out if both boys and told them to go tell their useless parents and he'd knock them out too.

Neither boy touched me again and in fact never even spoke to me for fear that I would tell my brother. Funny really as my brother is such a kind and loving person but was just pushed to the absolute limit by the school repeatedly refusing to deal with the bullies.

The school are letting down the OP's vulnerable son, and, when you think about it, they are letting down the 11 year old boy with ASD who assaulted him.

My son (on the spectrum) was a victim of a bigger boy (also on the spectrum). The school minimised it, said there was nothing they could do. I actually moved my son to a different school after assault #2, which was a good move. My son is now a happy young adult, working, in a loving relationship, busy with life. The other boy, who didn't get the support he needed but was allowed to carry on hitting and damaging - well, he's in and out of prison for assaults, wasting his life and messing up his own little kids'.

Preventing children with ASD from committing assaults, and teaching them about the serious consequences, IS part of safeguarding. It's safeguarding their futures, their lives' potential, their capacity for contentment. There may well be a reason why there's a disproportionately high number of adults in the prison estate with ASD - it's linked to their being shockingly badly let down by a school system that has learned to shrug rather than intervene (due to underfunding: see MN threads, passim ).

Sorry for the polemic.

Good luck, OP

I can understand why you reacted the way you did, and I think many people would feel the same, but - kidnly - I thin YAB a bit U. Mainly because it won't help anyhting at all.

This needs to be addressed with the school urgently. If they don't take it seriously escalate. I would be using terms like "duty of care".

I am sorry for your poor little boy. Don't blame yourself, we can't protect them from everything.

Thars horrible, if they are yr6 will they be at the same secondary in September?

I was once in a situation where there was insidious bullying of a lovely but timid child . The bully was the Head Teacher's daughter!! After I told her I was aware of her behaviour she told her dad's partner, also a teacher in the school, who casually announced in the staff room that 'somebody had accused x of bullying....how absurd was that. No action taken!

Please escalate this to the head, it is a safeguarding issue - escalate it to the board of goveners too and to the local council if necessary and even the department for education and ofsted. Your son has a disability which is a protected characteristic and they are failing to safe guard him. Do not be ashamed but be sure to escalate escalate escalate - the school is failing in its duties and this needs to go higher

Hi everyone. Unfortunately the school are not interested.

The headteacher who is the safeguarding also said, we have established it was an accident, my son & his friend are both saying it wasn’t. Basically calling my son a liar.

She said we can guarantee he isn’t getting bullied as we are monitoring them closely, I said if that was the case then how did he “accidentally push” my son? Basically went around in circles.

I gave them a chance so now I’m reporting it to 101 & my son isn’t going back to the school. I said, you have all failed my son. I knew you would find a way to defend the bully & yet again you’ve lost a brilliant pupil in favour for a horrid little bully.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I’m not even going to waste my time meeting the governors because it’s all a clique with them. I’m simply reporting it to the police & I’ve contacted my local paper. I was this plastered everywhere.

My son has been like a cat on a hot tin roof today with worrying, so I’ve spent all day with him & just talked over everything again & said you don’t ever have to go back & he seems a lot better.

Thanks for the supportive messages. They have meant a lot x

That is really disappointing to hear I’m so sorry. It’s also totally unacceptable the Governors are not independent.

I'm so angry on your behalf op, your poor boy. I find it so frustrating too that there seems to be so little consequence for the school.

This has genuinely made me feel sad. What a horrible child and what a horrible school.

I'm sorry, OP.

Wow OP didn't expect that outcome with the school.
I hope you get somewhere with the police and the local newspaper.

She probably can't control him you know.

Well done for telling her though.

Obviously do what you see fit, you sound like an amazing advocate for your son, and taking him out of that school sounds like absolutely the right thing to do... but I (personally) would slow down on the local paper etc front. You rightly feel like you want justice but this can backfire and shine a spotlight on your family that you end up regretting. I'm not saying don't do it, just take things slowly and weigh up the potential negatives before opening a can of worms you can't close.

Well done on getting your lovely boy out of there. He can relax and flourish now.

Gosh op l really feel for your poor boy.

I have a vulnerable child (though less so than your son) and l know the fear of them being hurt at school.
A huge ask but could you move him to a small private school?
IMHO you did exactly the right thing and if l were you l would go into a school meeting saying that if this bully touches your son again you will take leagle action against the school for failing to safeguard.
I would send a formal letter to the parents stating you will persue the family for damages should your son be touched by hers. Stop being nice, it is your sons life here. Bullies and their parents who fail to parent only understand a strong response. Be their problem now.

The implications for your son are huge and if there was a way to take him out l would. I am so sorry op

legal

They sound horrendous

I’d encourage you to still go big and go formal with the governors and Ofsted as well as what you have planned

I’m really sorry you didn’t get anywhere with the head. I posted upthread about how to handle this. Please don’t put it over the local media the best way to deal with a school is properly and via the proper channels. The school can’t and won’t comment on it, and it has the possibility of coming across sad face and that you aren’t genuine. You see them in the tabloid and most people go hmmm that’s not the full story. You lose control of the situation once it goes to the media. You can’t demand a meeting with the governors anyway, we wouldn’t be able to do it. And no we’re not all in league with the head, our governing body has no issue with tackling our head but it has to be done properly with through the right policies.

Complaints policy to the letter and follow it by stage by stage. Doesn’t matter if your child is at home for the moment. You may not get the result you want, but this is all documented and one of the things Ofsted will look for is how you’ve resolved or not resolved complaints.

Absolutely agree with this. Ofsted won't touch it if complaints policy not followed. It's not their role and putting it in the paper will definitely make people think there's more too it. Follow the complaints procedure.

Agree also. Theres been loads of good advice on this thread of how to handle this through the proper channels. For a start, I would look for written records of everything the school has said today. Ask the head to put it in writing that they can 'gurantee' it was an accident.

Although I understand your anger and absolutely agree not to send DS back to an unsafe place,.

I am so sorry that this happened to your son OP..And am disgusted that school aren't taking this seriously enough.

I know you plan to home school, but is there another school he could go to?