To have just exploded today

[Cantstandbullies]

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

This. The Head won't want the governors or Ofsted involved.

However, I would keep my child home for a week or two to give them respite from the bully and give the school a chance to act.

It's awful, YANBU in the slightest. Some parents are just shit.

I think that I would do similar. Your poor boy. The school seems currently unable to keep him safe.

Really hope that things improve soon. One of the reasons I had to move my DD from her primary school was bullying, it is horrendous.

I know it’s extreme, but I’d look at home school or another school. My friend’s son recently committed suicide because of bullies and unfortunately it seems some schools are just not capable of keeping children safe.

Your poor son, it’s heartbreaking to read this. I’m so glad that other child stepped up and told the right information and that it got back to you. You’ve done nothing wrong, you sound amazing.

I think you did the right thing. Send what you wrote here to the school governors. And move schools if you get nowhere. I'm so very sorry, bullies are awful

Ask the "witness" if he'll also kindly speak before the governors.
And in your meeting today, mention that the Daily Mail have been in touch as they'd like to do a front-page article on your child's situation at that school, and you're not sure what to tell them...

Also call IPSEA who will be able to advise you legally where you stand with the school, they have a SEND specialist helpline.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/Pages/Category/service-overview

Sending positive energy to your poor boy, and strength to you.
I agree with all above about taking this as far as possible with police, school, and every other authority that can in any way act.

Thank goodness your son’s friend contacted you, and told you the reality of what happened. I wonder if it would be worth letting the friend’s parents know what is happening, as the friend may find he is in the bully’s sights for speaking out, and the friend needs to be kept safe too.

Ah op this wasn’t your fault at all. The school are your eyes when your child is at school and they dropped the ball big time. For what it’s worth , I think you did the right thing. I think you held your composure a very long time and of course such a serious incident would push you over the edge. The school is beyond neglectful to your son. I would move heaven and high earth to get the bully thrown out as I have zero sympathy for him doing that to your poor son over such a long time!!! I agree with the poster that said hound the school. Make it so it’s easier to get rid of him than deal with you! Of course within reason. I would even consider a solicitor getting involved if that’s even a thing, it might not be but it does seem like you could likely take it all further!

As regards homeschooling/moving your child, I'd ask them what they prefer - maybe they really like the current school if it weren't for the bully, and have friends there?

Your poor boy.

I'd inform the police
If then see the head at school and talk to them about it, they will have cctv of the incident and I'd ask what they plan to do. I'd also email the head with what's been agreed and copy in the school governors

Following that I'd inform OFSTED

I'd then not send my ds into school and look for alternative schools or even home schooling.

I’m really sorry about your son, it sounds horrific.

This is what you need to do in terms of dealing with the school: (I’m a safeguarding governor.)

Find the complaints policy, safeguarding policy and bullying policy (sometimes it is separate from safeguarding, sometimes it’s within in it.)
Highlight the parts where they are not keeping your son safe and where they are not following the policy.
Ask what they are going to do to keep your son safe.
Ask about playground supervision.
Ask about what the school are doing to stop the bullying.
Don’t ask what is happening to the bully, they won’t be able to tell you, focus on your son and his safety and well being.
Take someone with you if you want, or take notes. Make a note of any actions the school said they were going to make with agreed deadlines.
Send your minutes back to the head e.g. saying from this meeting we agreed the following with the following deadlines. It is important to have a paper trail.

You can also combine it with a formal complaint, your complaints policy will have the procedure to follow. You can’t jump steps, you can’t go directly to the governors. As a governor, whilst we might sympathise, they should just direct you to the complaints policy, some don’t, but if there was any action to be taken against the head, it would fail because procedures haven’t been followed, so it is really important to stick to the policies. Again, the key thing here is to highlight where policies aren’t being followed, failure to keep your son safe and any noticeable gaps in the policy as well.

Please ignore all the posters saying go straight to the governors and Ofsted. You won’t get anywhere. Ofsted expect you to have exhausted the complaints procedure first and they’re not a school complaints body. Governors, well if you do end up taking it further then you’re going to need governors with no prior knowledge to sit on governor panels, we‘re not going to be able to do anything unless it is presented via the proper channels. There is some extremely poor advice on Mumsnet regarding complaining to schools.

I hope your meeting goes well.

I'd also capitalise on the sexual abuse angle and mention that the school has allowed verbal sexual abuse/grooming to take place. Also, mention that usually when a child is displaying sexualised behaviour it's because they're victims themselves. So the school has failed two children in it's care do the q is what are they going to do about it?

How awful. I'd press charges. This is totally unacceptable, someone needs to be accountable.

Seems like you’ve had some really good advice, I really hope the school step up and deal with the bullying and your son can have a nice summer. Will they be going to different secondary schools?

I am truly sorry this has happened to your son, he sounds lovely and I am furious on your behalf that this kind of bullying behaviour still goes on unchecked. WTF are some schools thinking.

There have been some great suggestions here and I hope you feel the support of every mum whose child has had to go through this shit and fight for the basic rights of their child. Can you imagine if this happened in a workplace with grown adults? No. Because not a fraction of what your vulnerable young son has experienced would be acceptable for an able bodied grown up.

How far you take this is up to you. One thing I would do is write a pre-emotive statement detailing the times, severity etc of the attacks and the responses from the school and then tell them the responses you will not accept, no deflecting, minimising or lessons will be learned. If you can anticipate their responses and get in there first they will be left without a script and may founder themselves. If you can, record the meeting or at least take comprehensive notes of what they say. Tell them that a transcript of this meeting will be sent to the Governors and to OFSTED and unless a solid plan is in effect immediately that this will also be reported to the police and local media. Use the words safeguarding, duty of care, and explain the physical and mental consequences of their lack of action on your son. If this boy bullies others also then ask why his rights trumps theirs as well as your son.

I am so fucking angry on your behalf.

Yes, and you're not reporting bullying. You're reporting an assault.

To be honest what you did was tame. I without a doubt would have been physical. I'd have wanted her to feel the way my son felt.

Make it clear this is a formal complaint and you will escalate to governors, LA and OFSTED if they don't start acting now.

This. In fact, I would consider escalating as a default. The Head needs to act.

OP your ds should absolutely have an EHCP, and a FULL risk assessment should have been done when he returned to school with a feeding tube.

Today I would go to school and ask for an appt with the head and designated safeguarding lead. I would request that a risk assessment be done immediately (if it hasn't already, ask why, massive safeguarding risk) and with updates after yesterday's incident.

Then you need to document everything with them, give your ds friends mum's name and ask them how they are going to protect your ds from the escalating violence from the other boy. I would also contact the police and notify school that you have done so.

Then I would tell them that he will be returning to school ONLY when they can guarantee his safety from a known threat (the other boy)

Good luck.

I was once the skinny little kid that got bullied through primary. It was reported to the school but parents were never confronted. I wish they had been, so good for you. I would report to police too, simply because you've tried everything else and this assault could have caused serious damage. A lesson needs to be learnt.
The bullying stopped when I got to secondary school. Basically I hit back, shocked them all and they moved on to another victim.
Keep supporting him, that's all he needs right now. Don't let this affect the rest of his life.

Call the police about the physical assault at school and call the school and tell them you want this escalated immediately as a failure by them to safeguard your ds and the bully is to be physically kept.away -not in same room or playground - so if he has to be excluded from classes so be it.

Id remove him from school an home educated. My son has serious medical needs as well as autism’s and had similar experiences in primary school three children pinned him to the floor so another could punch him in the face. Secondary the main bully attacked him an seriously hurt him. We had to go hospital and he to go through another medical procedure. Same as you I was watching my son go down hill and I just couldn’t do it anymore, I removed him from school an he now has such a wide circle of friends at last from home ed groups. He is happy an smiling and able to cope when situations occur. The education system is broken and they are either unable or unwilling to deal with bullying now adays. Before having to quit my job I worked in the education system. It is completely broken. School will promise so much that they will fix it and the bully will be dealt with. In the 3 schools my son attended each one failed to safe guard and be able to support his medical and learning needs.

^^This

I am also a school governor (not safeguarding). You will likely not even have contact details for the governors and we can’t assess anything as an escalation until the formal processes have played out, as outlined on the school website.

OP, my heart breaks for your son, and you x

Like others have said, get everything in order, speak to the head, governors, Ofsted and the police.

You sound like a great mum, let us know how you get on x

Yes OP. You either call the police or you walk into the police station and you say 'I need to report an assault'. Your poor DS. I'm so glad you now know about this and are going to deal with it. Schools are often absolutely bloody useless with this stuff unless the parent of the DC being assaulted kicks up an almighty fuss. It's good you have evidence and a witness. I really hope you get justice for your DS

Your poor son. That’s awful. I’d have exploded too.

id tell the school you’re getting your local Mp and news papers involved if they can’t protect your son.