To have just exploded today

[Cantstandbullies]

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

This ^^^

Go BIG on officialdom.

Really BIG

@Cantstandbullies
I am from the US so idk how your police system works but I hope it is something that you 110% follow through with. You have been shown by the school that your sons safety is not their priority. As you have stood up to the bullies mother (So freaking proud of you!)continue to advocate for your son,be his voice.
Years ago I went through a situation with my child (nothing as serious as yours) but I knew it would end up a very bad situation if I didn't get serious. I met with the principal,then superintendent and then went to file a police report with our local police department.I contacted our attorney,my father(they didn't need to know that, lol)and used all the legal words etc....
The kid was expelled the next day,after years of misconduct.He was only 11😳
Not once have I regretted going in hard and with legal backing,because it was for my kid and many others who didn't have a voice.We are our children's VOICE.
Make it LOUD!

IAteAllTheTomatoes

What PP says but also ask for the complaints policy. It should be on the school website

They may also have a community police officer attached to the school - these officers are there to prevent children spiraling and becoming criminals - so don’t worry about reporting another child he needs to be known to the police to get help - ins one ways you’ll be doing this child a favour.

Also, I don’t think attending school tomorrow will be in your best interests you are too emotional to be rational - I would call them say you’ve reported it to the police and you’ll be back in touch.

Also call your son in as a school refuser for now - it’s goes straight to governors and has to be reported to LA - it also keeps the LA support in place. You can deregister whenever once you are satisfied - last thing you want is him off their register and out of their responsibility

When you feel calmer you need to approach this as

My son feels
My son tells me
My son reports

etc and make this about him …. And not emotional mum.

i hope your son feels better and you can rebuild his confidence.

You may also need to speak the the high school as now is when the hand overs take place and you can demand your child is away from the buy and out support in place.

I'm so sick of bullies being seen as victims.

This x 1 million. Seriously .

We had a teacher tell us that DDs bully had parents going through a divorce so they did not want to be too hard on him!

Hi @Cantstandbullies
Just been briefly doing a bit of research for you on the Internet,

Just looked up very interesting infor on NSPCC on Children and the Law
Last updated on 5 August 2022
It's essentially about human rights law in regard of children's welfare

It's straightforward reading, even though it's in regards of law,
It's overview of key legislation on these rights,
States across the UK there are many laws which aim to keep children safe and protect their rights.

Also I feel that would be beneficial, as a family for taking this forward escalating in regard of bullying issues being addressed you have with your son's school,
Is to make contact with a Disability rights Advocacy,
this is designated chosen person, usaully from relevant reputable charity/organisation that well known ,good reputation of campaign a particular cause, for e.g Mencap(disabilitycharity, and others for e.g

It could even be yourself, but obviously you would need to do enough of research on disability rights and the Law , children's human rights and education.

Look up disabilityrightsuk.org website
Advocacy get your voice heard infor

I am just wondering if anybody on here, could link up this relevant websites on up to date 5 August 2022, Children's rights and the Law and Advocacy websites,?

I tried to, but i am useless shit at doing things like that sorry...

@Cantstandbullies

Also wondering if citizens advice bureau agency, could help you,in some way too,

there is usaully quite often citizens Advice bureau in most or all towns cities

obviously a main tel contact number with this service too

Hi op@Cantstandbullies

Can you retrieve get your son's school shirt out of your bin, as include evidence to show police , about how severe,bad the assault was aswell?

Obviously you have got photos to show how really bad, the assaults inflicted on to son.

Is the bully over 10 years old? If yes, go to the police and make a report. Than push for that to be expelled from the school

Your poor boy. Is he definitely going to a different school in September? If so I’d have a relaxing “home school”. SATS are over, use this summer relaxing and confidence building and doing things your son loves doing. Report the disgusting bully but then have fun so you look back on this as a lovely bonus extra long summer hols. Good luck

@4plusthehound
@PyongyangKipperbang

You have both made excellent really switched on emotionally intelligent insights posts, !

@Cantstandbullies
Once you get Oftsted involved in with your son's school , in regard of his welfare, bullying abuse issues,

I can guarantee 💯 your son's school , will be bending over backwards like a controist at a circus, to be seen doing something to sort out effectively your son's bullying abuse assaults issues...

It's the nuclear option of Ofsted agency you need to contact urgently. !

Call 101. Seconding the PP who said it could be a hate crime.

Ooo - thank you! 😁

Bullied children are often so scared of the bully that they will lie and say that they are not being bullied. I learned at school that if I reported bullying, the teachers would not protect me and the bullies would crank up the violence as revenge for having "grassed". I didn't report a second time, which was what they wanted. Are you familiar with the rhyme "snitches get stitches"? It's grounded in an unpleasant reality.

@Goodread1 it just breaks my heart for these victims and infuriates me the bullies get away with it. And guess what kind of colleague they become...? It's all levels and ages, really - but that's for another conversation.

Oh my word @Cantstandbullies I'm sending you and your son giant massive hugs, love and support. I'm proud of you and fuck anyone with anything negative to say!

And anyone being shitty can do one. Not the thread to be a wanker at the OP. Just nah.

You've had amazing advice so I'm going to tell you that I have once witnessed a mother so torn to pieces with her sons bullying she once ran at the bullies mother (who was in fairness, an absolute nightmare) and jumped on her like she she was a wrestler.
The kids were shocked, parents (slightly delightedly, we know school mums live for drama) had to peel this mum off her sons bullys mum. Anyway, this mum once she was successfully peeled off the bullys mum said to the bully, "every time DC comes home upset, I'm going to batter your mum".
The mum got bollocked but no charges, the bullying stopped.

Some kids (brothers) picked on my son, not bullied but dipped their toe in, so I just went straight to them and their mum and said, "that's not OK lads, we're all mates here, aren't we other mum? We're nice to our friends, we don't tease them!" And she was great about it, they were awful for her so she quite enjoyed them looking awkward because of another adult, we became friends, so I get it's not always the parents fault their little angels get away with murder, but what you did was fully justified and I hope that it has quashed this chapter of your sons life and he can move on. Your poor wee lad, I have a pal with CF and he is on the miracle drug doing amazing things now!

If you were local I'd love to bring my ridiculous bunch of wild kids to hang out with him, they're nuts but would definitely befriend him. ♥️

@4plusthehound that's what I mean! The child could still be given support to help cope and suffer punishment at the same time. There has to be consequences. Victims are scarred for life. That bit is never given enough weight.

@CelestiaNoctis

I agree, second this your post is definitely a good one,

Contacting local newspaper and doing a petition to get this bullying pupil to be expelled permanently.!

It look reflect really bad on the school and obviously come to the attention of wider community,
It clearly shows the school does not care enough to look after its pupils interests, even if they are most vunerable ones too.

Could even attract the attention of school Governors, attention, and political counsellors in local community, etc.

Even Ofsted .!

Not to derail, but to add: the term bully really is over-used and misused. At a certain point bullying crosses a line and becomes criminal. You can't call the perpetrator of the assault in OP's ds's case a bully. The action is far beyond that now. I think all victims need to push for punishment, but I fully understand the fear of retaliation. I'm not sure how to stop it. I just know if we son't do something more at the school level the children "bullies" become abusive adults. 🤷‍♀️

I was terribly bullied at school.....
My heart goes out to you and your lovely son... Go in to.school today and cause a shitstorm!!

@Liorae you're a disgusting human being.

I hope you never experience anything close to what OP (and your child anything like what OP's son has), but it would be nice if you took a long, hard look in the mirror before you post anything else.

Ofsted will tell the OP to use the school's complaint policy and follow it through. They won't come in to investigate themselves.

@4plusthehound The same happened when my mother went to complain about the class bully (a total little psycho); the headmistress apparently tried to excuse him by saying: "but he's from a broken home..." My mother responded: "my children are from a broken home too, and they don't behave like that!"

I wonder how he has turned out?

Not an expert, but this 'bully's' behaviour already sounds criminal.

That, and he frankly sounds like a total sadist. No normal person would hurt your vulnerable son the way he has.

Go into your local police station today, OP, and report him.

Your poor son OP. I would make a complaint to Governors. Plus because boy pushed him, and friends son is witness, report to Police for assault, it's physical assault which is more serious, so it's better that you have that in your locker iyswim.

Sorry he’s going through all that, he sounds like he’s having a really tough time 😔 I’ve just left teaching and one of the main reasons was the fact nothing is done/can be done about behaviour. The whole thing was just becoming one big lie and it resulted in me having terrible anxiety every day. Children would be horrible to others, often physically assaulting them in the playground or even in the classroom. I would deal with it while trying to teach the lesson but would call for management if it was bad. They would either just not come, to the point that kids would actually say they wouldn’t come because it always happened or if they did turn up it was completely dismissed like it was nothing, even when children had literally thrown a chair at someone in the classroom. Often they had assaulted me too. Every time without fail I was told to basically lie to the parents and make it all seem like it was nothing. There was only so much ‘gaslighting’ I could do to cover my head teacher’s back but it resulted in me becoming so ill. Unfortunately I think it’s the same story for an awful lot of teachers, it was the same set up in nearly every classroom in my school and my previous one.. I dread my son starting school for that reason 😔 hopefully you are able to get something done about this boy