Ignore and block childminder?

[Avatari]

Several months ago we started looking for childcare and nursery options were not looking great. We managed to find a woman who would come to the house and babysit from 9-5. 2 months before starting she said she would agree to £11.50 an hour to baby sit 1 yr old. The week before she was due she told us her husband said she couldn't work for less than £13 so we agreed. As we were pretty stuck at that point, I was back at work in 5 days with no alternative.

She hasn't been great. At one point she told us on the Sunday she wouldn't be available that week. Then would get annoyed when we told her there were school holidays so we wouldn't need her. We have been looking for alternative care and managed to get a nursery place starting next week. We told her as soon as we knew, end of April that wed only need her 3 more weeks. So this week should have been her last week. Except we have covid. So told her we wouldn't need her.
We were intending to send her a gift to thank her for her help and send her this week's money.

EXCEPT she has just sent a message to DH saying that we need to pay for June and July as we had a contract. There was no contract. We never specified when we would need her until. She also said she was a single mother and has three children. She has repeatedly told us about her husband.

We are now inclined to not offer to pay this week just ignore and block now. But just wanted thoughts that this is reasonable and reassurance that she hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Best to pay her a months notice and be done. Lots of lessons learnt about setting things out carefully before starting, but I understand the pressure on getting child care is huge and she came recommended. Also with your DH at home it all probably sounded sensible at the time.

Why wouldn't you have a contract for someone you left with sole responsibility for looking after your 1 year old???????

Utter madness and totally irresponsible

But it sounds like the OP has actually employed a nanny and are therefore responsible for paying her tax, pension, NI

I urge you to contact HMRC as soon as possible

I don’t.
Over dramatic to spout the law and talk ominously about employment tribunals.

This sort of casual temporary childcare agreement where some cash changes hands goes on all the time. I’m not making it right but it’s a fact and usually both parties benefit.

Op has paid for the last week of this woman’s notice and they’ve come to an amicable agreement now.

Its done.
Neither party has come out of this looking great but op has now secured and is paying for registered childcare.

Please don't keep calling her a childminder, you're giving them a bad name.
Cildminder's work from their own home and are regulated and inspected.

You've got to make a decision. You've basically provided someone with regular employment, but kept it causal to avoid being subject to employment law. At this point I'm guessing you paid cash in hand to help her tax dodge as well. You say you've been annoyed when she's called out at later notice, but again you've allowed this by avoiding having a contract, which you've presumably done to avoid needing to abide by employment law. I've never heard of childcare where you don't have to pay when your child is sick, so again you are hugely taking advantage of your "casual" babysitter. At this point I would suggest that paying her money that you'd owe her if you chosen not to use an illegal set up, and not giving her reason to take you to court is probably a good option. Otherwise you deny the money which you should owe her, but don't due to the lack of legal contract, and hope that she is scared to take you to court because she has also broken tax laws, so will stop complaining.

The child's father was present the whole time e.

Yes I got covid the week they lifted everything, dispite being fully vaccinated I caught it, even after the infection was gone the symptoms just stayed and ended up on steroids with breathing issue for 6 months after and still occasionally struggle to breath.

People are arguing over semantic with regard to what to call her.

Nanny = a person, in particular a woman, employed to look after a child in its own home.

Babysitter = a person who looks after a child or children while the parents are out.

Childminder = a person who looks after children in their own home for payment.

And people are completely making stuff up, there is absolutely no definition/law that says babysitters 'only work at night' or 'can't work between 9-5' or 'can't work for you weekly' etc...

Babysitters are usually self employed and work on an 'as needed' basis at any hour agreed and without contract. Usually unqualified and as a non full time job... that seems like exactly what OP has set up. No contract and the ability for both sides to cancel last minute as suits.

The only thing you could pull for finickiness if you want the dictionary definition would be that the dad is home not out.

I would suggest contacting the Citizens Advice Bereau if you're very concerned.

2 days a week? I’d pay her 2 more days as a weeks notice, then ignore her tbh. Whole thing is a clearly a convenient, cash in hand, verbal agreement.

Prepare yourself for stringent contracts going forward, a nursery or childminder will still expect payment when your child is not there due to sickness, holidays, etc.

I’m amazed that the majority think you’re being reasonable. Try telling your nursery that you won’t be paying for a week because you’re ill, see what they say…

Avatari
I am so sorry you and your husband have suffered this horrible experience. I do hope it's resolved now. From what I read it sounds as though you have sorted it out.
I am so moved by the difficulties young parents face with child care arrangements when they return to work. I realise that returning to work is not always a choice either but a necessity today when two wages are needed to maintain a home and pay for everything. It is a tough life.
That is one reason why I am so disgusted when people come on MN to say acid things to people, especially to the OP, speaking as though they know everything and have the right to condemn people in the nastiest of language.
I was glad you said "If you are going to make comments like this you should at the very least to have the decency to read all my posts." to one of them. I used to come here and point out to these ignorant and hateful people what the OP had said which rendered their condemnatory rant completely ungrounded.
Good luck with everything. I hope your child loves Nursery and all goes well from now onwards.

@Avatari seems like you came into this thread with a "kick me" sign on your virtual back. You've done nothing wrong, just been a bit naive.

I formally employed a registered childminder and she pulled similar stunts, not being available at short notice but saying we had no grounds to object etc., then made all sorts of threats regarding legal action. I paid her one weeks notice. At the time I took advice from the National Childminders' Association I don't know if they still exist but they were very helpful regarding her T&Cs (although obviously this wasn't a childminder situation, just saying).

is this lady a registered childminder? As this sounds totally unprofessional. Has she even had background checks? Her husband said no lower than £13 an hour. A registered childminder only charges around £5-£6 an hour.
this lady sounds like a baby sitter rather than a childminder.
what you had said already doesn’t sound good. I would pay her for her last week and that’s it. In any registered childcare setting you have to give a minimum of 4 weeks notice. Why are you having to pay for two months after? It doesn’t make sense. This doesn’t sound legit. Who have you left your child with? How did you find her? Explain to her. You have seeked legal advice and no contract was signed with notice period. However any registered childcare requirements requests a minimum of 4 weeks which you have provided. Pay her for the last week and then leave it at that. If it gets out of hand then contact 101. I got a feeling she will cause a lot of trouble. And I wouldn’t trust a person like this around my child. So don’t block unless it gets out of hand. As they may escalate. She hasn’t a leg to stand on. She isn’t registered and no doubt claiming benefits. So if this goes further she will land on her face.

The reason she is saying about the last week is because they’re demanding them to pay June and July.
also she is asking advice about is it the right thing to do.

I find it interesting that people have assumed this lady is claiming benefits and are bashing her for that (rightly so if it is the case), but are siding with the OP who has employed someone illegally and avoided tax and NI payments as a direct result. Two wrongs and all that...

OP, I'm interested to know why you chose the nanny in the first place. Was nursery always your longer term plan, or were you hoping to find a more permanent nanny?

I also think posters are quick to demonise the “baby sitter” and label her a tax dodging benefit fraudster. One poster advising to change your locks-she might come back to rob you.

It sounds as though she has worked in a child education setting, is DBS checked, and op checked references.
Im sure she proved to be a good baby sitter but just has an appalling grasp on professional conduct and little business acumen.
She may be as naive as op but she’s fallen into some ad hoc baby sitting jobs locally without being aware of the complicated legalities and definitions of baby sitter vs nanny.

Whatever the case, she’s accepted the notice and the week’s money owed and has no further dispute with op.

I’d just hope she wasn’t privy to your private info 🙄👍🏿☘️

What does that mean? This woman has no criminal record, has worked in a school and was recommended to op by people locally who had used her and vouched for her. She showed op her DBS and a good reference from the education setting she worked at.

What makes you think she’s stolen op’s personal information?

No this is not correct. Im self employed, paid cash in had, its down to me to submit accounts to HMRC as self assessment and then HMRC tell me what my tax bill is.

And to those saying she's a nanny, she isn't. She isn't registered with an agency, she's a home help at best, like my mum was. No notice required.
Guaranteed there is no husband, she is in fact a single mum, and not declaring to DWP so doubt anyone taking OP to tribunal, she's having you on

To me it just sounds like a casual arrangement , She babysits when needed but I think she should have been paid for your week of sickness especially if she was expected to work that week and it was you that cancelled.

Obviously she must have thought it was a casual arrangement especially when she said she wouldn't be working for a week.

Pay her the week you were sick and be done.

Comments like this are the very worst of mumsnet. Chooses not to inform herself by reading all my posts then makes an incredibly vicious judgement that I don't care for my child. I've already explained she was DBS checked, twice in fact. I also clearly stated DH was here every day. We had a greater knowledge of safety than if baby had been with a childminder or in a nursery. She simply had to click read all posts to find out this information.

There is also a lot more context to this story that would also explain why we would assume the HMRC element wasn't an issue. Before I am accused of drip feeding, I can not say something that would give away her identity. But based on her situation, it was reasonable for us to assume everything was above board. Naive to not confirm, certainly, but I'm not worried about HMRC at all now and regret even paying attention to the dramatic comments on here. I won't elaborate any more on that.

This thread has been ridiculous with accusations, assumptions and nasty comments. So many were quick to jump to conclusions without even reading all my posts or even properly read my original post.

The most dramatic accusation is that I have exploited her by treating her like a slave. It's a set up she chooses herself and has done with other families and will continue to do so. She was getting paid 30% above the minimum wage and it was the rate SHE requested. She set her own hours and even got a 2 hour paid lunch when baby napped. She didn't ask for sick pay or holiday days because it was casual. All the main parties actually involved and partaking in the arrangement agreed it was casual. I can't imagine being so pigheaded as people on here, thinking they would know better.

People have also patronisingly warned me I have no clue of the nursery set up/costs, that I'm in for a 'rude awakening.' I'm not stupid. For those who were 'concerned' about this, it will be several hundred pounds cheaper for us to pay the nursery 3 days a week for 50 weeks than it would have been to pay her rate 2 days a week for 39 weeks. And yes I do understand we pay if she's sick or we are on holiday.

I have been called some pretty shit things on here and the whole thing has made me see what a cesspit this site actually is. It's not unique to my experience. So many posters are desperate to tear people apart. It's more like facing a pack of rabib hyenas than a community of women supporting women. I would never speak to people the way some do on this site. And I am betting the majority of these types of posters wouldn't do this in real life but they happily let their inner troll out when they can hide behind a screen.

Once again, the issue is resolved, I realised it would have been shit not to pay her the final week quite early on in fact. We paid her the final week but told her we wouldn't be paying the two months she requested. It actually ended cordially and she commented on what a pleasure it was to BABYSIT DC. So she considers herself a babysitter to put an end to that particular debate.

Hello. Former nanny here. You were employers, if she sues, she will win. Pay one month notice and pray she doesn't take you to court.

When your child attends nursery you'll have to pay them whether they are there or not - holidays, sickness etc. It should be the same for a childminder I would have thought. You owe her for holiday and sick times and it's poor form to not give her some notice also.