AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

[somethingunpredictable2012]

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

"I know it's probably the last thing on your mind right now but we need to resolve the holiday situation. When we booked, there was no mention of trying for a baby or that if you were successful you'd have to cancel, so we all booked with you and paid substantial deposits in good faith."

Leave that whole bit out. Don't be apologetic or suggest they have better things to do. Don't bring the timing of the pregnancy into it either.

Stick to facts and be pleasant.

We are all so happy for you guys and the pregnancy!!

It's a pain but we need to resolve the holiday situation as payment is now due. We can cancel the villa if you are happy to reimburse the rest of us our deposit or you can pay the outstanding balance and the rest of us will keep the booking. Other than that, we'd be liable for the cost and not everyone can stretch to it.

Obviously, we'd still all love you to come along with baby in tow!

Let us know what you want to do.

OP

I would update the chat saying “just your balance outstanding now Jo and Jim. Are you sure you won’t change your minds and come? Seems a shame for you to lose out.”

This!

....since you're going to have to pay anyway.

This isn't complicated OP - obviously, they should pay their share. They've decided not to come after the point at which you can do anything about it. It is their responsibility to pay, not yours or the other couples' who already agreed the price.

As you say, when they first booked they knew there was a possibility that they might have a small baby by this point. They should have factored this in.

In your position, I would simply tell them that they owe X amount, that it is due by X date and send over bank details. If they don't pay it then I would confront them about it and if they still refused then they would lose a friend (possibly a few, depending on how the other couple's react as well).

To be honest their entitled behaviour up to this point would be massively turning me off the prospect of future friendship anyway.

I lost a group friendship over this. I was nearly £400 out of pocket and the lowest earner of the group. I will never ever share the cost of plans with anyone now.

Obviously they need to pay.

What's not really making sense is the payment schedule.
When is the holiday?
Why is the balance due now if the child isn't even born yet and will be 2-3 months old by the time of the holiday?

If they're not prepared to divvy up, don't invite them to anything again, whether it's parties, dinners out, holidays, or whatever, don't include them at all, that's if you stay friends with them.
And i wouldn't be rushing to spend anything on their new arrival either.

They are so clearly not friends. Why are you worried about upsetting them? They’re happy to see you out of pocket!

I really think it makes a difference when they said they weren't able to come ....

One of the other couples has already refused.

Phone them and tell them how much is due; ask them to transfer it directly. Why do you want to stay friends with people who act like this anyway?

As they paid their deposit they have agreed to go on holiday and pay their share
Their situation has changed but that does not mean they are no longer responsible to all the other families to compensate, financially, for them not going.

They have to be contacted directly and asked to pay. If someone finds some other people to take their place then great, they can have their money back. But this should not all be on you.

I can’t believe they have the audacity to dump you all in it.

Really rude on their part. They should pay up. I wouldn't want to be friends with them after this.

Another lesson in what happens when you “don’t like confrontation” 🙄 Just send one of the very well phrased and perfectly lovely (non confrontational) suggestions on this thread and make sure you make this a group problem not a you problem. The let-downs are probably secretly sweating over what to do too. They’ll be holding out as long as possible so that they won’t have to pay. Don’t let them.

What are your relative financial situations? If the pregnant couple are less well off than you I'd be more inclined to let it go than if it is the other way round.

@CaffeinateMeNow has the perfect message to a group WhatsApp.
If no response you will have to ring them.
As someone who has a very difficult and hard won baby, you don’t commit to stuff like this if ttc unless you know you might not make it. They needed to mentally write off the money when they committed.
As someone who organises a yearly group holiday for 40, sometimes you do have to put the pressure on a bit… but if someone did this to me I would be really upset. It’s not how friends behave.

No way would i pay more for an empty room because another couple dropped out.. I say you send a direct message along the lines of 'so about the holiday we need to know what option you're going with, bringing the little one which we would love, or paying your share but sadly not coming? I wish you didn't have to but obviously you know the holiday we booked and you guys have a room secured. Let me know today or I'll give you a call to firm it all up tomorrow'

Make it a two choice option!

Hi both

Really sad you won’t be joining us all on the holiday anymore- it won’t be the same without you- but your news is so wonderful and we obviously understand if you don’t want to travel when your new little one is so small.
Can we chat about the outstanding payment though as it’s now due and I don’t know if you were planning to find someone to take your place or if you just want to pay it yourselves (and at least that holds the place open were you to change your minds and come along anyway).
We did try and change to a smaller villa but there isn’t anything available so think they are the only two options really.
Bank details on the group chat. Hope to catch up soon.

If they are not going to pay, I would be inclined to cancel the whole thing.

Couple 3 have already opted out of paying extra. You risk resentment if you and couple 2 stump up the £800.

I think the OP said they are already ignoring messages. This is a lesson for us all not to be the 'organiser' unless everyone pays up front. Very shitty of them. Go and knock on their door. You'll not get an answer else.

I don’t think the other couple who are going can refuse. As PPs have said, you need to make this a group problem. If the couple who aren’t going refuse to pay, the rest of the couples can’t expect you to take the hit!

I think it’s the risk you take. They paid a deposit which they will lose. Up to you to sort out where you go from there. Seems unlikely they going to shell out for a holiday with a new baby due.

The other couple who are coming but aren’t prepared to pay more are just as bad. I think you could split the difference 3 ways if you can’t find someone else to ease the costs. Surely one of you has friends or family that could pay for a flight and a get the room cheap?

Be upfront. Back on the group chat with everyone on it.

Hi everyone, I've got all payments now except sue and John who owe £600. Please could you send it across by Friday as that is when the balance is due and if I don't receive it then everyone will lose their deposits and the holiday will be cancelled. Hopefully once the baby is born you'll feel like joining us anyway. Ta

Tag both their names in the group chat asking for the balance, so the rest of the group can see. It's a group decision of what to do, don't brunt all the responsibility
If they don't answer but you can see they have read it, ask all couples - right what are we going to do about all this. I wouldn't be bothered about your friendship as they clearly aren't especially ignoring the messaging and hoping you'll just go away