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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

494 replies

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 16/05/2023 18:15

Were they included in the "who owes what" messages?

I'd do an update .
X couple- paid in full
Y couple - deposit paid, £800 to pay
Baby couple - deposit paid , £800 to pay. Will you be trying to find someone else to take your place? You could ask so and so?

WeAreTheHeroes · 16/05/2023 18:18

They should pay and you and the others who are going should try to find someone to take their place and refund them what they've paid.

What are your options for downsizing your accommodation? I'm assuming you've rented a villa somewhere between you all.

Marchintospring · 16/05/2023 18:18

I honestly don’t understand why people are expecting them to pay. They know they are leaving you short. They expect you to find a solution that doesn’t involve them

You all only paid a deposit rather than holiday in full. There was always a risk something might happen to any one of the group. What if a couple separated? I bet neither one would cover the others charge.

Notimeforaname · 16/05/2023 18:20

"Hi CF Family, as I have already said, balance is due for the holiday, we understand you are not coming but you will need to pay this asap as we will not be absorbing the costs for you".

Done.

porridgeisbae · 16/05/2023 18:21

It's costly for the rest of you, but I really don't think they should have to pay for a holiday when they're not even going to have the use of it at all. At least, not the full amount. It would be different if they were minted, I suppose.

WeAreTheHeroes · 16/05/2023 18:22

I was booked on a group holiday a few years ago. I then found I couldn't go. I paid my share and there was no one to replace me and refund me. I sucked it up. It would have been piss poor of me not to.

Notimeforaname · 16/05/2023 18:22

I honestly don’t understand why people are expecting them to pay.

Would you cancel your holiday and lose your deposit if your friends did the same thing ..Or would you happily pay their share?

thelongroad · 16/05/2023 18:24

I don't understand the posters saying they shouldn't have to pay - the whole holiday was booked on the premise and cost of 4 families sharing! You can't just back out of that. They essentially "spent" that money when they agreed to the holiday and it was booked.

Blondewithredlips · 16/05/2023 18:25

I would cancel the holiday and everyone lose their deposit. I cannot see any other way forward. £800 they owe divided by two couples (third couple refusing to pay extra) is too much surely? I would not be able to continue with the friendship...

porridgeisbae · 16/05/2023 18:26

Would you cancel your holiday and lose your deposit if your friends did the same thing ..Or would you happily pay their share?

The rest of us would have to pay our share if we wanted the holiday, of course.

Or some people might choose to cancel, if the extra cost was too much for them/they didn't want to go on holiday enough to justify paying the extra.

porridgeisbae · 16/05/2023 18:27

I mean, the rest of us would have to split the costs of the remaining balance, if we wanted to still go.

uniresearch2023 · 16/05/2023 18:27

Can you find another couple to take their place?

Notimeforaname · 16/05/2023 18:27

The rest of us would have to pay our share if we wanted the holiday, of course.

Oh of course..but it doesn't make sense for them to pay the other couples share. At all.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 16/05/2023 18:28

Dear X,

Congrats on the pregnancy. I have checked with the hotel/travel co etc. and there is no option for partial cancellation.

Therfore, there's only 2 options available,you pay the full amount that you committed to which is X or as a group we cancelled and you can refund us our lost deposit which is Y.

Can you let me know which is your preferred option as we cannot afforder to absorb this cost due to your change in circumstances?
Funds are due by X so I would appreciate if you could yet me know as soon as possible.

The friendship will be fucked if they don't pay do you have nothing to lose.

Bananah · 16/05/2023 18:29

Couple 1 are having a baby so have refused to pay their share. Couple 2 have said they can’t pay any extra. You can’t really expect Couple 3 to pay extra when Couple 2 aren’t paying any extra! Which means you are going to be left with the whole extra cost to pay yourselves.

I presume it’s a single booking in your name, so if you don’t pay they’ll come after you, not the other couples? Otherwise I’d have said just don’t pay and let the holiday company chase Couple 1.

Anyway, assuming the booking is in your sole name, I would try approaching Couple 1. Tell them they signed up to pay their share and if they don’t pay up everyone will lose their holiday. Make it very clear that if they don’t pay up this is the end of your friendship and you’ll be cutting them off completely, forever. If they don’t pay, cancel the holiday. Let the other couples be angry at Couple 1, not at you. And I would tell the other couples that you won’t be speaking to Couple 1 ever again, hopefully that will encourage them to also put pressure on Couple 1 to pay up. If they think they’re going to lose three sets of friends they might fork out.

Redkez · 16/05/2023 18:30

Basically they have been trying for a baby and it has happened after probably a lot of disappointment, do you expect them to leave baby at home or bring it on a couples holiday? Either find a couple to replace them, cancel and lose the deposit or accept they are not going to pay for a holiday they are not going on especially when they have baby expenses. Be nice friends and don't let this tarnish a life changing event or a friendship.

Malificent1 · 16/05/2023 18:31

Bemyclementine · 16/05/2023 18:15

Were they included in the "who owes what" messages?

I'd do an update .
X couple- paid in full
Y couple - deposit paid, £800 to pay
Baby couple - deposit paid , £800 to pay. Will you be trying to find someone else to take your place? You could ask so and so?

Yes, this.

thelongroad · 16/05/2023 18:32

@Redkez It's not a couples holiday. At least read the OP's posts - it's families, other kids are coming, and they'd all be happy to have the baby there. It's the 4th couple that don't want to come with a young baby now that they've found out she's pregnant.

Dedodee · 16/05/2023 18:33

Redkez · 16/05/2023 18:30

Basically they have been trying for a baby and it has happened after probably a lot of disappointment, do you expect them to leave baby at home or bring it on a couples holiday? Either find a couple to replace them, cancel and lose the deposit or accept they are not going to pay for a holiday they are not going on especially when they have baby expenses. Be nice friends and don't let this tarnish a life changing event or a friendship.

It’s not a couples holiday, other dc will be there.
Why should the other people pay for fickle ‘friends.’

Killingmytime · 16/05/2023 18:33

Tell them in the group that they need to pay by xx date
they are not being good friends if they are trying to lumber you with this!

Anamechangeisnotjustforchristmas · 16/05/2023 18:34

Cupoftea80 · 16/05/2023 18:09

I don’t think the other couple who are going can refuse. As PPs have said, you need to make this a group problem. If the couple who aren’t going refuse to pay, the rest of the couples can’t expect you to take the hit!

Show quote history

But unfortunately they can refuse, as I’m assuming OP is the lead booker who has made the agreement with the villa and given her credit card.

HermioneKipper · 16/05/2023 18:35

To be honest their attitude would make me want to lose the friendship anyway.

I wouldn’t want to be mates with someone who would expect me to foot their bill. Their choice not to come and their choice to forfeit the holiday

Cupoftea80 · 16/05/2023 18:35

Assuming you want to stay friends with the other couple I think all of you (including the couple with the baby) should be asking around to see if anyone wants to take their place- surely you must have other friends with similar age children/ one of you has a sibling or other family member who would want to come? Not ideal, but surely the best way to salvage the friendship and the holiday.

But they are being CFs by not addressing the issue- if they genuinely can’t afford to pay now they are unexpectedly having a baby they should tell you that.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 16/05/2023 18:36

They should still pay!

If I was one of the remaining families I wouldn't be able to pay 1/3 again to cover the cost of them not coming. Which would leave me having to pull out and hating myself knowing it meant the rest of you then had to cover my share too.
Or pulling out, paying my original share and still feeling bad that the remaining 2 couples had paid more.

skyeisthelimit · 16/05/2023 18:37

It should be a group decision as to what happens, as one couple are refusing to pay the balance and another couple are refusing to absorb the cost.

It's not just your decision to make and they shouldn't be putting this on you.

I may have missed this, but can you ask another couple/family to go with you?