AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

[somethingunpredictable2012]

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

Well if prices have gone up so much since you booked, surely you will be better off sticking with the existing property?

Or can you find a cheaper property in a different location that’s still within reasonable commute of flights? Or is it a UK holiday?

There is nothing about a difficult pregnancy that makes someone morally exempt from fulfilling their financial obligations. They pay or the friendship is over, in my view.

I personally would have paid the full balance when I first mentioned I couldn’t go, so as not to leave people wondering. Some people are just brazen.

They booked it and then carried on trying to conceive, having trouble getting pregnant is not a get out clause for not paying your share.
They are being CFers.

For goodness sake, travel insurance won’t cover this.

I do think pregnant couple should pay by the way, but as this appears to be an issue, am suggesting practical solutions.

Oh that’s really shoddy of them to not pay. And if they are worried about finances with a baby on the way then the absolute least they could do is acknowledge the situation and say “look I’m really sorry but we can’t afford to pay our share of the villa balance. We can instead pay £X towards it; I’m really sorry it’s leaving the rest of you out of pocket”.

I suspect that they won’t pay as if they were going to then they already would have done. I would send one more firm message spelling out that they ought to pay and that it’s not fair for them to push the additional cost onto the rest of you because they’ve changed their minds.

You all signed up to paying for your share of the holiday when you booked it, they should pay regardless of whether they go or not.

It's a really tricky issue this one. Assuming a villa the couple not coming would know that the split now needs to work across a smaller number of people with them not coming that has increased the cost.

Realistically as they haven't suggested paying these are the only options:
Ask them for the money all of it - but this is going to cause issues
Split the cost between everybody - including them not going then it's less
Transfer to a smaller property even if not within the same area originally booked
Split it between the three couples now going

More than £800 unfortunately.

They should just take the baby, 2/3 months is an easy age to travel with them.

Ask them to pay their share or can you get another family to join you?

How long since they notified you they weren't going. If you need to pay now I'm assuming that the baby is also due about now and you've known for 6 months in which case its a different situation to if they dropped it on your last week.

Have you weighed up options with who you booked with.
sometimes a smaller property maybe available and get them to pay the amendment fee.
if nothing else can be done then I’d expect them to cover their share especially as it’s a good chunk

What’s their share. Can the others split it with you?

Honestly, I’d cancel and charge the couple for the lost deposits.

PPs have given you a few options OP:

Did the cancelling group get travel insurance which might cover this?
Can they find another couple to take their spots?

I think it would be helpful if your DH called them, if he's keen for someone to do this - if he's better at tough conversations then it's more likely to end well with him taking the reins than if you feel forced into it. Plus he wants them spoken to, then he should be the one to speak!

But at the end of the day the cancelling couple ARE responsible for the cost of their holiday, and they need to acknowledge that. There might be a compromise, like they pay half the balance and the others going split the other half 3 ways? Whatever happens, it should be the ones cancelling who take responsibility for sorting this out.

It's not unusual to have a tough time with a pregnancy but it's very unusual to use that as an excuse to leave your friends screwed over financially! They're being putting you all in a crappy position and refusing to discuss it is making it worse.

Hope you get it resolved soon.

Yes they should pay. It’s horrible of them to just ignore the fact that they owe money and that someone else will have to pay for their place if they don’t. I don’t see how a friendship could recover from that tbh.

Not everyone wants to go on holiday with a very young baby and tbh I wouldnt be that keen on a baby being on the holiday if it was going if it was going to change the dynamic of the trip

Will there be other children there or is this a couples thing?

I can't think of a valid reason for the couple not paying the balance they agreed to. It would be interesting to know how they think the shortfall is going to be paid , do they think it's fair for everyone else to pay more because they've changed their minds?

Our of nosiness, where are you going where it's costing over 400 per person just for accommodation but seemingly just a house somewhere as its shared?

Is it abroad so they're worried about the flight?

Personally as you booked it, I'd meet up with and be direct. Are you coming, are you paying but not coming or have you found someone else to take your place? Either way your portion is due on X date.

Actually I think the easiest all round is to do a straight split between the four couples for the £800. Everybody pays £200 - those that are going and the couple not going. This would cause the least amount of tension going forward.

But it is disappointing that the couple not going have not suggested solutions to remedy this even if they had suggested the above.

I think it's the height of cheekiness to just want to "walk away" from any cost involved for the couple with the baby and realistically for the other 3 couples £200 each is not that much. You have said that the cost of the holiday has increased since booking and you will all have a bit more space.

The family with the baby should pay. But they likely won't. And if you push it too hard, it will sour your friendship. And you will have no friendship and no money.

The best option is to have the 3 families still going split the final share. It's £800 more, which is a lot of money, but the only alternative is losing the deposit. I would rather pay £800 and still have the holiday, than lose a deposit greater than £800 and have nothing to show for it.

And how does op exactly charge them and make them give her and their friends well over £800 when she can't get them to pay just £800?

The whole fucking their friends over thing sours the friendship, so OP and her DH have got nothing to lose by pushing it.

It's them not acknowledging it's an issue that would wind me up. I think your friendship has already been irreversibly damaged so you may as well be straight with them. "How do you want to pay your share, all in one go or monthly? Here are my bank details". Harsh lesson learned though. Never ever book for others without them handing over the cash.

What utter shits they are! There is no way that any of you will be able to maintain a relationship with them after this, unless they agree to at least pay something toward their share. I can't help wondering whether they've realised, that in one fell swoop, they will have lost 3 lots of good friends, or whether they're naive enough to think that all will be forgiven, and you'll all be queueing up to coo over their new baby? Utter CF behaviour!