AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

[somethingunpredictable2012]

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

Gawd! These threads really get my goat. OP pins a fabulous tale of woe is me then disappears.

*posts not pins.

@Marchintospring

Op made the booking so it down to her to pay the balance. Obviously the other couples are giving money to Op but all or none of them might handover the money.

What do you mean? The second sentence makes no sense.

All sorted now. We have all got together and brought up the issue directly in person. Pregnant couple still don’t want to come, which I understand, it would mean a long-haul flight, but they still didn’t think they should pay their share of costs, however after a bit of a heated discussion explaining how we all felt and asking them what they would do if it was the other way round they have agreed to split the cost with the rest of us. Not the best situation, but this is the risk of booking a group holiday with friends. Shame it had to come to this!
We had to book so far in advance to find a place big enough for all of us but obviously that then means if things change there could be a problem! And not everyone sees things the same way. Definitely lesson learned and I won’t be booking a group holiday again, but we all just want to enjoy our holiday now so I’m glad we’ve sorted it.

Good to see you've resolved it, I'm not quite clear, have the rest of you had to pay some extra too?

Thank you for the update @somethingunpredictable2012 - as you say, not ideal, but it is something, and a bird in the hand etc.

Just enjoy your holiday and forget about this. Personally I doubt I could remain friends - it would be all I could do to remain civil - but at least you have got some of the cost defrayed. Your friendship will never be the same, though.

they still didn’t think they should pay their share of costs
Are they hard of thinking, or are they so self-absorbed that they just actually think others should suck up the consequences of THEIR decisions?

I'd not bother with the 'friendship' after this.
But hey ho. Hope you all enjoy your holiday anyway.

Glad it's sorted Op - hope you all enjoy your holiday.

And as if by magic... poof!

Thank you for updating and I’m glad it’s resolved.

I’m reading that as - say the Reneging Couple’s share of the total cost was £800 - they have divided this shortfall between all 4 couples. So £200 each. Rather than £266 each (the 3 remaining couples) - or worse, all £800 paid by Op and her OH.

but I could be wrong.

Still think reneging couple should pay the whole amount but hey ho.

Hopefully someone can use that extra room to spread kids out or similar.

Yes I’ve just done that maths and can’t help thinking that was a lot of stress and hassle to save 60quid!

Thank you for the update op, I wouldn't be maintaining this friendship though, they really thought it was fine to just land you all with their share, no apology, smh.

I hope they find that trashing all their friendships and having numerous other decent adults think badly of them was worth it to save a couple of hundred quid.

I hope they are paying at least half. They could have caused everyone to have to cancel and lose their deposit so really they should be paying what others are losing by them not going. I’m glad you all faced it together though, it wasn’t fair it was being put on you.

Absolutely. I wouldn’t be busting a gut to maintain that friendship after this.

That'd be me out. There's no way on earth that I could continue any semblance of a relationship with people who did this, never mind so called 'friends' who only capitulated in part after refusing to pay the rest and being confronted by the other three couples. Fancy laying that cost on friends. Nah. I could never have a civil word to say. Trashy, selfish individuals.

Sounds like the couples share has been split 4 ways, so each couple have paid an extra £200

This is why, with the possible exception of Butlins in term time (cheap right? 🤣) I wouldn't book a group holiday like this. We have a large family group who goes away together a lot, we find a hotel and each book our own room/flights etc. We are then only responsible for our bit. I cannot trust people not to drop out and I, like you OP, hate the confrontation of asking them for the money back.

If everyone was absolutely dead set on getting a villa, the only way I would book it would be if everyone paid the total cost at time of booking, so I wouldn't be saddled with the cost if people decided to pull out l.

The pregnant couple have still burdened the rest of the group with paying more than they should - an extra £200 per couple - to cover the shortfall they created. Once they’ve paid up, delete the couple from your holiday WhatsApp chat and don’t bother with them anymore. Cheeky blighters!

That's brilliant that you have resolved it OP. I'm in the minority here but I actually think sharing the extra cost is a fair solution, though the couple could have handled it better and not just ignored the issue.

We did similar once when a friend had to drop out of a holiday. We felt sorry for him having to pay full whack and not go, so we split the extra cost with him and I think he appreciated it.

I can understand your friends not wanting to travel long haul as first time parents of a newborn. I know you said they struggled to conceive so perhaps they thought it was unlikely to happen. I actually hope it doesn't spoil your friendship.

I feel a bit sorry for your friends because they’ve damaged a good friendship.
Youll always be wary of involving them in any future plans where commitment is needed.
They've shot them selves in the foot imo.

I'd be interested to know how the split was divided. I think I would be happy if CF couple paid 400 and the other 400 split between the remaining 3 couples as I would see that as paying a bit more for some more villa space but wouldn't be so happy to split it equal.

As an aside, where are you going long haul where the remaining balance is only £800 a couple? Was it a big deposit, otherwise sounds like a bargain!

You talked face to face and they very begrudgingly were coerced into paying a quarter of what they owe, expecting everyone else to make up the bulk of their debt.

And you define that as 'all sorted'?

These close friends (I assume, given holidaying together) have out a price on these friendships.

To these friends, the 3 friendships are worth a total of £200. They value you and your family at just shy of £66. 67

They're not your friends. They place (almost) zero value on the friendship.

The reason CFs are CFs is because people around them allow them to be CFs.

And they have their first baby on the way... Not only are they CFs - they're thick idiot CFs throwing away the support of 6 friends for £600!

Interesting. What on earth was the reason they gave for not thinking they should have to pay?

Can't imagine how their minds work!

We committed to something. Our circumstances have changed.
It's fine for our friends to pay our debt because we're having a baby and they should be delighted for us?