Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

494 replies

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · 17/05/2023 21:14

If they have muted the chat then they really have mentally signed out. Time to unleash the bull if you are not getting anywhere with the diplomatic approach. It unfair that you should shoulder this and the other couples are also being irresponsible allowing you to sit with the worry on your own. Sorry you are going through this OP when all you were doing is something nice for everyone!

LimeCheesecake · 17/05/2023 21:14

Defiantly contact them directly, they may well have muted the chat and need to have it pointed out to them.

ask them if they will pay their balance or cover everyone losing their deposits if you have to cancel the whole holiday.

AMuser · 17/05/2023 21:15

It’s as simple as “Dear X. We were all delighted to hear about your pregnancy and understand that you might not want to come in holiday with a very little one. Unfortunately the full cost of the holiday is still due as we all committed to that back in [X] when we signed up. I’d be grateful if you could send me £x by y so that we can make the final payment. “

musicalold · 17/05/2023 21:16

AMuser · 17/05/2023 21:15

It’s as simple as “Dear X. We were all delighted to hear about your pregnancy and understand that you might not want to come in holiday with a very little one. Unfortunately the full cost of the holiday is still due as we all committed to that back in [X] when we signed up. I’d be grateful if you could send me £x by y so that we can make the final payment. “

This. Clear, to the point and unemotional.

Imaginemissmarple · 17/05/2023 21:17

Could you send a message to everyone inc xx with new baby along following lines

Hi, we have a problem, our balance is due for the holiday, xx couple no longer want to go with new baby so we ALL need to agree what to do:

  1. holiday is cancelled, and xx needs to refund everyone their deposit as they are no longer going and this has resulted in whole holiday being cancelled.
  2. everyone pays what was agreed, xx you will need to pay remaining £800 as it’s unfair on everyone else who have paid their share as originally agreed.
  3. everyone splits the outstanding £800 and all 4 families chip in £200.

you cannot pay it all yourself, you need everyone to work together to reach best decision.

PragmaticWench · 17/05/2023 21:19

somethingunpredictable2012 · 17/05/2023 18:49

The total cost was split pp, regardless of whether the person was a child or adult, so those families with children paid more.

Show quote history

That's interesting. The holiday group I'm in discussed ways of splitting and pondered 'by room' but decided on each adult paying full and each child half.

FloweryName · 17/05/2023 21:57

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 20:37

They totally won’t have put in place a written agreement.

Show quote history

I’d have thought the text messages they have sent talking about the holiday and the deposit they have already paid would show a more than reasonable expectation that OP would be paid for their share of the holiday.

Shoemadlady · 17/05/2023 22:02

Why don't they pay their share and then claim the amount back on insurance. They're out of order and they know it hence the radio silence

HannahHasThePower · 17/05/2023 22:03

They are really shits if they expect you all to cover their costs for not going. Fair enough if someone lost a limb or a job etc.
But I would see it as the friendship is over either way, they either pay and resent you or you pay and resent them.
Is there anyone the 3 remaining couples would be happy coming to replace them without affecting teh group dynamic?

HannahHasThePower · 17/05/2023 22:04

FloweryName · 17/05/2023 21:57

I’d have thought the text messages they have sent talking about the holiday and the deposit they have already paid would show a more than reasonable expectation that OP would be paid for their share of the holiday.

Show quote history

This, text messages would be enough for small claims I would have thought.

SheilaFentiman · 17/05/2023 22:04

Shoemadlady · 17/05/2023 22:02

Why don't they pay their share and then claim the amount back on insurance. They're out of order and they know it hence the radio silence

Because insurance wouldn’t cover this!

They chose to TTC and they are choosing not to go with the baby.

BarbieGirl999 · 17/05/2023 22:06

Can they not take the baby? Long shot. But the baby would travel free. They mostly sleep a fair bit at that stage. They'd have lots of help. Is it long haul?

SheilaFentiman · 17/05/2023 22:13

OP has made it clear that the baby is welcome.

Catkin51 · 17/05/2023 22:20

Can you not ask the holiday company you booked the property with to contact the couple and inform them that they are liable for their part of the balance? Why is it down to you to sort out the mess? I would be furious with the couple who are letting you all down over this. It is appalling that they expect to just bow out and everyone else will pick up their bill.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 17/05/2023 22:26

Honestly I would act like they are going to pay and word it something like “Brad and Jen, are you sure you don’t want to come? We were looking forward to a baby in the house and it’s a shame that you have to pay your share of the balance and not to use it. Gentle reminder, it comes off my credit card on the 1st so if you could let me have the monies by then I would be very grateful”. Send it to the individuals involved rather than the group chat. If that doesn’t elicit a response then you have nothing to lose. Either set your husband on them or write it off, if it comes to that I would imagine the friendship will be over sadly.

AMuser · 17/05/2023 22:28

Catkin51 · 17/05/2023 22:20

Can you not ask the holiday company you booked the property with to contact the couple and inform them that they are liable for their part of the balance? Why is it down to you to sort out the mess? I would be furious with the couple who are letting you all down over this. It is appalling that they expect to just bow out and everyone else will pick up their bill.

That’s bonkers. Holiday companies deal with one individual for very obvious reasons 😂

doverdiva · 17/05/2023 22:33

I think give them a last chance then let DH follow up if they do nothing. I'd say

'Hi bill and ben,

The balance of the holiday is due to come out of our account next week. I understand you don't want to go now but what are you expecting the rest of us to do about paying the balance? Are you expecting us to cover the cost?"

XelaM · 17/05/2023 22:59

Definitely ask them for the money. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she can't respond to messages or have common decency and PAY UP. It's not like she's on life-support and you're sending debt collectors to the hospital

Cornishclio · 17/05/2023 23:13

Regardless of whether you don't like confrontation I cannot see how this will be resolved without confronting them over how they expect the remainder of the balance to be paid.

You can pussyfoot around or you can say that the balance is due now and even if they don't want to go the rest of you do and if they do not pay that puts up the cost for everyone else. If they refuse to pay then obviously the three remaining couples have a choice to make. Regardless the friendship is done anyway unless they really are dense enough not to realise the effect of their non payment on the rest of the group.

I never organise group holidays for this very reason. There is usually one scatty person or couple who do not realise how these things work.

Marchintospring · 17/05/2023 23:20

I’m not sure why people think the Ops angry husband is a good idea. What are people thinking - bit of swearing and aggressive language? Bit of intimidation? Full on threats ?

Op send a letter or a text or phone directly. Say you are expecting the balance whether they come or not.
Small claims if you hear nothing ( although you’ll have to stump up for the holiday in the meantime).
I think the other couples need to split the cost with you whether they like it or not. And I still think you all should have discussed what would happen if a couple dropped out before you paid in full.

ChateauMargaux · 17/05/2023 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Marchintospring · 17/05/2023 23:23

doverdiva · 17/05/2023 22:33

I think give them a last chance then let DH follow up if they do nothing. I'd say

'Hi bill and ben,

The balance of the holiday is due to come out of our account next week. I understand you don't want to go now but what are you expecting the rest of us to do about paying the balance? Are you expecting us to cover the cost?"

Er surely their reply is …yes because we aren’t coming and have already lost the deposit?
And then what?
They’ll tell Op to find someone else or cancel.

Rogue1001MNer · 17/05/2023 23:24

Seems a horrible way for a friendship to end, but I can't see this going any other way

CaptainBook · 17/05/2023 23:34

Have had exactly this situation this year; booked a big villa for a summer holiday, couple pulled out due to pregnancy, no mention of covering their share of the holiday or trying to find alternatives. I asked around a few other good friends but only half-heartedly to be honest as I didn’t feel inclined to bust a gut on the flakey friends’ behalf.

We’ve now switched to a smaller, nicer, more expensive villa by using their deposit to soften the blow for everyone else; those still participating will get more luxury for roughly the same money. Is it worth looking at that sort of model? I know you’ve said prices have gone up but there could be a way of spending the same amount (or even covering flakey friends’ portion between you all) and getting more bang for your buck, albeit with fewer bedrooms.

LoisLane66 · 17/05/2023 23:36

@Redebs
Exactly.