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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

494 replies

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 18/05/2023 19:26

Some of the replies here are so optimistic as to be fantasy. The OP booked the villa. They all paid a deposit to her, not the booking company. I seriously doubt anyone could force the Baby Couple to pay any more than the deposit they have already lost unless a tight contract was drawn up. The organiser (whose name the booking is in) is liable. The rest of the group will have to cover the extra or cancel and lose all their deposits. Morally unfair, yes, but there you are.

NumberTheory · 18/05/2023 21:40

PoseyFlump · 18/05/2023 19:26

Some of the replies here are so optimistic as to be fantasy. The OP booked the villa. They all paid a deposit to her, not the booking company. I seriously doubt anyone could force the Baby Couple to pay any more than the deposit they have already lost unless a tight contract was drawn up. The organiser (whose name the booking is in) is liable. The rest of the group will have to cover the extra or cancel and lose all their deposits. Morally unfair, yes, but there you are.

If the have emails or texts that indicate the couple knew the full price and had agreed to pay it if OP booked, then that should be enough to use the small claims court to get the balance. You don't need a "tight contract drawn up" to be legally liable for things you've agreed to. Verbal agreements can be binding contracts, but hard to prove. Doing the same via text or email, especially with the payment of a deposit to OP, provides significant proof that is likely to persuade a court.

Marchintospring · 18/05/2023 23:38

NumberTheory · 18/05/2023 21:40

If the have emails or texts that indicate the couple knew the full price and had agreed to pay it if OP booked, then that should be enough to use the small claims court to get the balance. You don't need a "tight contract drawn up" to be legally liable for things you've agreed to. Verbal agreements can be binding contracts, but hard to prove. Doing the same via text or email, especially with the payment of a deposit to OP, provides significant proof that is likely to persuade a court.

Show quote history

Small claims court is fine but the Op still needs to pay the balance. There’s no way to take it to small claims and get the money (IF it’s found in their favour) before the balance is due.

Op made the booking so it down to her to pay the balance. Obviously the other couples are giving money to Op but all or none of them might handover the money.

What happens if the Op drops out for some uncontainable reason? Would she pay her share so that the other two families can go or does her name as booking lead mean she needs to go?

NumberTheory · 19/05/2023 00:09

Marchintospring · 18/05/2023 23:38

Small claims court is fine but the Op still needs to pay the balance. There’s no way to take it to small claims and get the money (IF it’s found in their favour) before the balance is due.

Op made the booking so it down to her to pay the balance. Obviously the other couples are giving money to Op but all or none of them might handover the money.

What happens if the Op drops out for some uncontainable reason? Would she pay her share so that the other two families can go or does her name as booking lead mean she needs to go?

Show quote history

Potentially, they could cancel and sue instead for their and other two couples' deposits instead of going on the holiday, shouldering the additional expense and then suing for that.

But if they go on the holiday, yes, one way or another those still going would need to be prepared to shoulder the absent couple's cost until they could sue (and accept the risk that goes along with that).

SkyandSurf · 19/05/2023 00:36

She hasn't even spoken to them about it yet, it's a bit early to go storming off to court.

PoseyFlump · 19/05/2023 05:26

SkyandSurf · 19/05/2023 00:36

She hasn't even spoken to them about it yet, it's a bit early to go storming off to court.

Yes. And despite numerous posters asking, the OP hasn't said exactly when Baby Couple first said they weren't going.

Going on about small claims is not fixing the immediate issue of someone having to pay or the lot cancel.

garlictwist · 19/05/2023 06:07

I am not sure why you booked so far in advance, it only makes things complicated as circumstances change.

I can see both sides. It's unfair for you to cover their costs but equally they are not going. If I were you I'd all pull out, lose the deposit (assuming it's not a huge amount) and get somewhere smaller and cheaper for the families that are still going.

SheilaFentiman · 19/05/2023 06:45

“I'd all pull out, lose the deposit (assuming it's not a huge amount) and get somewhere smaller and cheaper for the families that are still going.”

OP has stated that the deposit loss would be more than the £800 due from Baby Couple. And that she has looked for smaller places but prices have gone up.

NosyHamster · 19/05/2023 07:12

garlictwist · 19/05/2023 06:07

I am not sure why you booked so far in advance, it only makes things complicated as circumstances change.

I can see both sides. It's unfair for you to cover their costs but equally they are not going. If I were you I'd all pull out, lose the deposit (assuming it's not a huge amount) and get somewhere smaller and cheaper for the families that are still going.

People frequently book early to get their first choice of accommodation. You seem to be one of the few posters who can ‘see both sides’, but how would you feel in the OP’s shoes?

rookiemere · 19/05/2023 07:16

With a big group, you have to book far in advance to get the property you want at a price you can afford.

OP says that prices have gone up, which I guess is the saving grace if they have to split the difference of couple dropping out, it will still be cheaper than booking something else.

SheilaFentiman · 19/05/2023 07:18

Booking early also seems to have worked well in one way, given accommodation costs have gone up in the meantime. And the Baby Couple could have said “no, it’s too far off” when they were asked last year.

I would guess it’s a booking for Xmas this year, and that may well need to be done far in advance for a popular destination.

gymorgin · 19/05/2023 07:36

Op have you delegated this to your husband yet?

Your softly softly approach is not going to work with these CF.

They are wrapped up in all things baby now.

They must financially contribute further in some way, even if going 50/50.

Without any acknowledgment from them about what they have done here, the friendship is over.

randomusername2020 · 19/05/2023 10:29

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

PlasticGymnastic · 19/05/2023 10:56

If all of the messages re:payment have been sent on a group chat specifically about the holiday is there any chance that they have muted / switched off notifications etc because they are no longer part of the holiday?
It is very thoughtless of them to cancel without considering the cost implications for everyone else, but there is every possibility that they are not ignoring the messages about payment.
I think you could contact them directly going with this angle - "not sure if you are still checking in on the holiday chat since you are no longer coming, but it is time for everyone to pay up. We've tried to find somewhere smaller, but can't etc etc...."
If they ignore that or refuse to pay I think you should let DH do his bull in a china shop impression! At that stage you would know for sure that they are in the picture, if they refuse to pay then they aren't exactly considering your feelings so why would you be concerned about upsetting them over it?

Baystar · 19/05/2023 10:58

@randomusername2020 😂thinking the same.

agonyau · 19/05/2023 12:05

As prospective new parents, they ought to know or learn a thing or two about being ‘responsible adults’, in this instance facing up to their financial obligations!

whilst I can appreciate you want to be sympathetic to their new circumstances, as the organiser of this holiday your main responsibility is to ensure a fair outcome to ALL parties involved (I completely agree with the other couple not willing to fork out more money to cover the shortfall due to the couple backing out due to their own personal decision to have a baby), and you should contact them directly either by phone but maybe in person (get your husband to go round with you (not in a threatening manner) to let them see how serious you are about this issue, and explain how this impacts on you & all the rest of the group, that you have a duty to them etc.

I wouldn’t feel a bit embarrassed about approaching them this way, since they have been so evasive up until now, so it’s all on them. Good luck!

NeedToChangeName · 19/05/2023 13:36

Catkin51 · 18/05/2023 08:20

I was just thinking that if you explain the situation to the holiday company they might help by writing to the withdrawing couple, stating how much their part of the balance is and the final payment date. This would save OP from having to confront them herself. It is in the holiday company’s interest for the property let to go ahead and sometimes I have found them to be helpful if you ‘ask nicely’!

@Catkin51 Holiday company have a contract with whoever made the booking. They won't want to get drawn into arguments with other passengers

NeedToChangeName · 19/05/2023 13:36

@somethingunpredictable2012 any more news ?

joycies · 19/05/2023 13:56

If the worst comes to the worst, I think, you really need a good sit down with the other 2 couples. Surely they wouldn't expect you to fork out the share of the couple who won't come. How much would it cost to cancel the whole thing? I don't think you ever mentioned that. Have you considered that?

ohdamnitjanet · 19/05/2023 14:07

Of course they should pay. I’d be bloody furious. But it shouldn’t be down to just you to tell them. I think all of you should get together to ask them if I they think it’s ok that they wanted to go, they agreed to go, it was a joint decision but now they have decided the rest of you should be penalised because they’ve changed their mind?

WimpoleHat · 19/05/2023 14:51

I can see both sides. It's unfair for you to cover their costs but equally they are not going.

They are not going. But the only reason they’re not legally liable for the full cost, as they would be if they had booked it themselves, is that the OP has taken on the organisation on their behalf and so it’s her name on the booking. They’re reneging on a firm commitment and are prepared for everyone else to foot their bill. Appalling behaviour.

NosyHamster · 19/05/2023 15:25

WimpoleHat · 19/05/2023 14:51

I can see both sides. It's unfair for you to cover their costs but equally they are not going.

They are not going. But the only reason they’re not legally liable for the full cost, as they would be if they had booked it themselves, is that the OP has taken on the organisation on their behalf and so it’s her name on the booking. They’re reneging on a firm commitment and are prepared for everyone else to foot their bill. Appalling behaviour.

@WimpoleHat I don't follow your logic. Yes, its unfair of the OP to have to cover their costs, but Baby Couple committed to this holiday and the payment that went with it. So you also think it's ok to back out and leave everyone else to foot the bill?

notteallyme · 19/05/2023 16:34

joycies · 19/05/2023 13:56

If the worst comes to the worst, I think, you really need a good sit down with the other 2 couples. Surely they wouldn't expect you to fork out the share of the couple who won't come. How much would it cost to cancel the whole thing? I don't think you ever mentioned that. Have you considered that?

If op cancels the remaining three couples all lose their deposits. Op said this early on. That cost would be higher than having to fork out for the baby couples remaining share between them..

WimpoleHat · 19/05/2023 16:58

@NosyHamster No - the opposite. Totally agree with you; they’ve committed to go. They presumably know that the OP has a legal commitment on their behalf and so it’s absolutely dreadful of them to leave everyone else to pick up their bill.

joycies · 19/05/2023 17:12

Sorry, I missed a bit !