A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

I have an MA and am mostly a SAHM/SAHW, I do a bit of part time work but it's very little money. I'm very happy and glad I haven't had to be stressed out trying to juggle a full time career, house and family. I've been a bloody good mum and know I wouldn't have been had I been working full time.

I think it's sad now that most people can't afford to live on one wage and so both have to work full time just to survive.

True about the kids not being guaranteed. Isn't there a whole community out there dedicated to the idea of being a traditional wife? I guess it suits some.

I'd question if someone who really doesn't see work as an option is hiding from the world for some reason that could be helped. Is it a 'safe' option for someone who has some other struggles going on?

I have no problems with SAHP if that's what the couple decides but I do think it needs to be thought about in terms of how the SAHP maintains their employability to some degree. You just never know what life brings.

I think it’s a sad and old fashioned notion to want to let the man be the breadwinner

also you are at risk of not being valued in life outside the four walls of the home

my mother never worked and has low self esteem and is very negative and resentful

while kids are small - part time can be financially viable

Some women invest time into furthering their partners career- looking after everything at home to make life easier for them to study, get promoted and earn a high salary. It’s less common before children but some women do choose that.

There are still married women who choose the role of "home maker" with husbands who are grateful for that. Obviously they tend to be couples who are comfortably well off.

But there are also single women - and men - who don't work because they don't have to and who enjoy a life that revolves around their home and activities therein.

I can't really see any point in being judgemental about these choices. If you can afford a home-based life and that brings you fulfilment, go for it.

You don't have to 'secretly' love it. It's normal to want to care for your own child and is not something to be ashamed of.
However, that's not what this thread is about. It's about a young person not wanting to work, she's not mentioned children at all.

OP said.

OP is most likely telling us that her friends told her that their son told them that this young woman told him that she wants to be a stay at home wife.

This seems like a rather cruel game of Chinese whisper, tbh.

So you are saying that no one's house is run 'properly' unless there is a housewife/househusband to do it?

Why are you so invested in this? She's honest and up front about what she wants from a relationship - if the friends son doesn't agree then they should both just move on. Simple.

There is nothing wrong with being a sahm, if that's what you want.

Mine is 5 months so still young right now. I hope he can appreciate the opportunities he'll be given that he wouldn't otherwise have if one of us stayed home and he sees the example that a mother can have a successful career and a father can contribute just as much to the home when it comes to cooking, cleaning and caring for children.

There is a massive difference between wanting to be a sahm and never wanting to work. She’s much less likely to achieve her aim long-term by not working in her 20s. Eg she’d perhaps meet someone at work who was high earning etc and be happy for her to be a sahm. I think there is something quite sad about a well educated women having no career aspirations at all.

OP said.

OP is most likely telling us that her friends told her that their son told them that this young woman told him that she wants to be a stay at home wife.

This seems like a rather cruel game of Chinese whisper, tbh.

If you thought we were over women bashing other women for their life choices, you must be very new to Mumsnet. Most threads on here are doing just that.

The thing is not working and not having kids could be a dream life. I'd love it...but it's very very risky and not really the done thing anymore.

Always the risk they then run off with a colleague..

I wonder what she’d have thought if her ex bf had said he wanted to be a stay at home husband and she could go to work while he relaxed and did a bit of housework

I would 100% do this if it could. Unfortunately I wanted a nice house and to give my
kids what I didn’t have so I work PT. I don’t think it’s a crazy idea, maybe a bit shortsighted until she has kids as she could help set them up better financially

Feminism is about choice if that’s what’s her wants to do then so be it. Let her try and make it work. Perhaps she is the Mother Nature type and just sees children. My 11 year old just this week said she didnt want a job she just wants to a mother. I work full time and always have before you get in with the it’s you.

This. Absolutely this.

He should have said “actually I don’t want to work after marriage, I want to be a sahd” and see what she said to that.
it’s all about gender equality, until it isn’t.

Men who are happy to have a SAHW are generally abusive arse holes? Really? So going back to the 70s, 80s and even 90s, virtually every man was abusive?
Just because she's making an unusual choice doesn't make it sad, nor does it mean she'll end up in an abusive relationship. Shocking I know but you can work full time and still be in an abusive relationship.
I have had periods of being at home, admittedly I did have children and working full time (which I do now). I would love to go back to staying at home with my youngest but can't afford it. She's being honest and knows what she wants. Nothing wrong with that.

No but it is true that you just can't be in two places at once. When I worked more the meals were just not of the same calibre and there was a difference in how cosy and comfortable the family were. I am able to prioritise other things that are important to my family having taken a step back and it's worth it to us. Having more time for activities with the children and for the children was worth it. So yes, I feel it is easier when someone is there to focus more on the home, so I never plan to work more than part-time in future.

I did intend to be back working more by this stage of life but life happened and the disabled child needs full time care, so all I manage are a few hours here and there teaching university. Full time job to get in all those appointments and run the household.

IMO not a safe choice unless you already have your own money. But this is your friend’s son’s ex we are talking about so this is just gossip to you. She’s 23, she will probably change her mind.

However, that's not what this thread is about. It's about a young person not wanting to work, she's not mentioned children at all.

How do you know!? OP has provided some 3rd hand information; she has not been part to any conversations between this girl and her boyfriend. Maybe starting a family quickly was exactly what this girl had in mind.