A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

I don’t see the issue or why you think it’s got anything to do with you.

Some women want a career and some women want to be a stay at home wife. Some women want kids, some don’t. I thought we were over bashing other women over their personal life choices, alas, here we still are. Sigh.

@NeedCoffeeNowPlease

As for 'good example for the kids' by being a WOHP, again up to each couple, I only care what we decide for our family for our own reasons, but my decision to be a SAHM was largely driven by the experience of having two fulltime WOHP.

It's the opposite for me. My decision to be a full time WOHP was largely driven by the experience of having a SAHM.

"Makes no contribution." So the only contribution that counts for anything is financial?

These comments are mad. She's a grown woman and wants to be looked after! If it were a bloke saying "I don't want to work but don't worry, I won't cost must" everyone would be calling him a cocklodger and telling her to run for the hills!

OP, what sort of job does she have at the moment? 23 is very young to decide the world of work is not for you. I wonder if the attitude comes from being in a job that's unfulfilling and wrong for her.

You sound very judgy and this is all second or third hand information. How do you know it’s even true or that there isn’t another motive to what she wants?

She’s young and may change her mind but if she doesn’t then it doesn’t impact you in any way.

Your friends son doesn’t want to get married so they’ve ended it and now he’s moved on - that’s his choice. She wants to be a stay at home mum then that’s good for her. That role is tough and admirable.

My kids are now grown and are very appreciative of my having been there for them. Hearing from them makes me glad of the decision to be more present than my parents were for me.

I think I could make a good fist of working fulltime and being present if I didn't have a partner as I could shift some of the work to the evening (depending on the kind of work, obviously). Not that I haven't worked for pay at all and I'm highly qualified. I just know what I value more BUT I could get a job with no problem if I needed to, so I'm not that vulnerable.

Sometimes I think MN should have a NOMBB... section (None Of My Business But...), because this has nothing to do with AIBU.

That aside, we can assume this woman (the gf) has some level of intelligence if she feels capable of doing a Masters degree. It's a shame she sees no value in having her own career/pension etc. Maybe that's why she's keen to get married, so she can just take half of the poor husbands pot. If this is true then it's good your friend's son had the sense to run.

She wants to be a stay at home mum then that’s good for her.

Where did you read that she wants to be a stay-at-home mum?

The thing is, that without children, her contribution is going to be limited to running the house. In 2023, an age of labour-saving devices, it's hard to argue that this is a full-time 'job' when most people manage it alongside their full time job. It isn't like she will be getting up at 5am to light the coal fire then boiling kettles on it to do the family wash in a bucket.

None of your business yet you still opened the thread and commented.

Over invested much OP?

*Maybe she hopes for the kids to come quickly?

I suppose it's each couple's decision to have one of the partners be a SAHW or H if they can afford it. No-one else's businesses, even if it's not something they understand.*

Maybe but kids are never guaranteed.

Yep it is every couple's decision but I can very much understand the friends son being advised to run for the hills. I'm sure there aren't many people out there these days that would accept being financially responsible for another fully grown adult just because they don't fancy working

Wish people would read properly. She never said MUM, she said WIFE !

We know that’s a reality that often comes with raising young children but to decide at 24 that the next forty years will involve your husband solely supporting you is a bit ridiculous and immature really.

1.you have only heard one side of the story. Maybe she meant stay at home mum? Maybe she would like to have children quite soon after marriage?

1. You sound extremely overinvested.

1. Your last comment is nasty and judgemental.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young. Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man. However, it sounds all so sad.

How rude.

If you do it properly it's a full time job. Labour saving devices is a red herring. In the days those didn't exist kids played on the street with other kids all day, there wasn't the expectation kids would have the extra-curricular activities. All that freed up time goes to that sort of thing.

When I was a SAHM I made huge contributions to the wider community. Not at all limited to running a household.

Staying at home is not contributing as much as going out and earning. They’re not even in the same ballpark.

What is she studying? I can kind of see how someone with no ambition or interest in a specific career might not find much appeal in working a crap job for crap money. I spent my early years working in shitty care jobs and would have gladly given it up if someone would have enabled me to.

I'm astonished at everyone on here supporting this utter dated patriarchy led nonsense.

How many women are on here daily, trapped in abusive relationships they cannot escape because they don't earn enough to support themselves? In 2023!

Being supported entirely by another adult makes you a dependent. Or in other words, a child. I'll be making sure my daughter knows she should be responsible for her own income, and never to be reliant on another person financially. Otherwise the cycle just continues to yet ANOTHER generation of women who believe they're just here to make life easier for the menfolk. 😡

Maybe she's into the "trad wife" lifestyle

She's a random woman you have barely any connection to that wants to be a house wife...🤷‍♀️

I encourage both my kids to avoid a life partner whose goal was to sit in their backside and sponge off the other.

Are you not financially dependent on anyone? You pay everything on your own? No partner, no maintenance, no government childcare, no benefits?

I think you’ll find the number of women in couples and families who are financially independent is minuscule.

Good for her
I'd love to have been a SAHM when my kids were small but have spent the last 30 resenting my life choices!