A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

@Ludlow2 I do work full time as a carer for a family member - I am responsible for an adult who needs tended to (feeding, toileting etc), and in addition to having family commitments on top of this one of my children is also disabled. Which admittedly puts added pressure on.

My DH works 55-70 hours which was always the case.

When I talk to other mothers (full and part time workers) they talk about the juggle, are saying they are frazzled, one said they were feeling broken at certain points managing it all.

Though some of these women have 3-4+ kids, have to fly to work multiple times during the week, have overtime put upon them out of the blue, or are managing two wards instead of one due to the state of nhs.

None aspire or secretly wish to be SAHM and I certainly don’t, at the first given opportunity I will be akin to Mel Gibson shouting FREEDOM and delighted to get back to what I actually want to do for myself.

@SouthLondonMum22 and a lot of people here have poo pooed the effort involved in “doing it all”… maybe it is easier when at the top of certain professions, but that is not the reality for all.

I am doing it all and I am tired.

Incidentally @Ludlow2

What is it you hoped to achieve by starting this thread?

Other than to group together a gaggle of judgemental women to give you confidence in your position to look down upon, chastise and criticise a young woman half your age.

She’s making different choices in life to the ones you did. You don’t know her at all. It’s nothing to do with you whatsoever.

And yet you’ve started this thread to create a rain of venom and bitchiness.

To what end?

Apart from potentially the litter picking, this isn't voluntary work though? It's just being home more, and thereby having more time and availability to offer something within your community. Offering your home to a refugee is not "work". Marathon running?... That well known voluntary work role.

Have you learned the phrase straw man today and think it sounds good? It's suddenly in nearly everything you post. Incorrectly in this case.

When I was a burnt out young professional one of my (equally exhausted) friends and I would fantasise about marrying rich men and not having to work anymore. We were bone tired and it was a joke. Crazy that people actually see being a childfree kept girlfriend as a good idea.

Don’t forget that apparently we don’t love our grannies enough as we dont visit them for two full days a week due to us being at work

When you have to just lie, it speaks volumes.

Statement: "I enjoy the time I have to visit my grandmother, we don't know how long she has left"

The lie, to try and add weight to a futile narrative:

"Remember when they said we don't love our grandmothers because we work"

I simply read it that she was surprised by the girl's attitude and wanted to gauge opinion because, let's face it, it's hardly a common choice for a 23 year old.

But I've always been a WOHM so I'm not finding myself triggered by this thread.

Just one further point on this - I think this letter published in the Guardian a few years back illustrates how utterly miserable this situation must be for some men - you can hear his desperation and misery in every word.

https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/02/a-letter-to-my-wife-who-wont-get-a-job-while-i-work-myself-to-death

This letter touched a nerve on sites like this one at the time, if I remember - the idea that a man may not actually love working himself to death so that someone else can be unemployed was quite controversial!

instead his response was 'because it makes you happy

That's what she's telling us.

Really just embarrassing to have to insist that everything other than your point of view must be a lie.

Yeah, I must be lying. (Unless I get a paper round then I can be taken as gospel)

Just because you can't get your head around it, doesn't mean it isn't true. And there's not much anyone else can do about that.

Definitely sad that a 23yo has no ambition!

What a shame. Each to their own but I'd be bored shitless and what does a stay at home wife even do? Housework all day?

I get it for stay at home mums obviously but I've always found the term stay at home wife a bit strange 😕

Rates of “voluntary work” have decreased massively in recent years. Just putting that one out there!

How many of them have husbands who do their fair share with the children and around the house? I'm going to assume none or very few which is one of the reasons why they are stressed and frazzled.

I'll also go out on a limb and assume the higher number of children is also a reason. It's a choice to have a bigger family than average, especially with a husband who doesn't do his fair share.

I will always be less stressed and frazzled due to the fact that I will not be having 3-4 children for a start.

THIS

@Walkaround

Amd yet stats show people who work are more likely to volunteer than those who don't

@Robinni

I'm not sure you're in much of a position to be calling out bitchiness tbf

Yeah, I must be lying. (Unless I get a paper round then I can be taken as gospel)

Why do you have this strange obsession with paper rounds?

Because that gives me a paycheck. And that's all you need in life, apparently.

Never mind it's nothing to actually shout about. It's a marvellous employed job.

Exactly that.

This is a forum I can talk about my surprise at someone so young with the ambition of been dependant on someone else for the rest of their life.
Yes it is their choice but an unusual one.
One that certainly carries risks for their future.
I can ask what others think.
Why you are reading the thread if you are not interested?

Possibly they need what they do to be organised voluntary work rather than just living.

Sorry, I don't understand. Why have you repeatedly referred to paper rounds? You've mentioned it repeatedly. It'd very odd.

@Zeonlywayisup

Huh?

So if an unemployed person volunteers they're saints but if an employed person does it its only to feed their ego?

The bias is strong, eh?

I prefer it to paper round.

@5128gap

😆😆

Because that gives me a paycheck. And that's all you need in life, apparently.

And having accused other posters of making things up, you then write this. I don't think anybody said that. They said being financially dependent as an adult is far from ideal and that it's important to be able to provide for yourself. Not sure what relevance a paper round could have to any of that.

No wonder the threads on 40 pages and about to fill. Its relevance has been persistently derailed with I, I, I. Me, me, me.

It's dull in the extreme. Thanks to the many other posters who have given real food for thought, and to the OP for starting the discussion. It's been an insight.

No @ToK1 but if you just get on and do things rather than organised volunteering you’re not going to show up on those statistics.