A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

Anyone wondering why ops posting about her friends sons relationship completely bizarre especially as they've already broken up. I don't get the purpose of the thread really.

It also contributes to how difficult it can be for working mothers who are going for the same promotion but don't have someone at home doing everything for them.

I think she'll struggle to find a man who would accept that in 2023 to be honest. Most households need all hands on deck. Also, it could all work out fine til the husband dies or divorces her. What then? Especially if there aren't many assets to go round. Looking for work in your 40s and 50s with no qualifications can't be much fun. It's a terrible life plan and one that relies on luck. Every young person should have a qualification or training done in their twenties as a minimum to set them up for life. Planning to be financially dependent on anyone else is just a crap idea.

Sometimes people who make this choice are very involved with charities and volunteering. Those are very valuable contributions and, if things do go belly up, at least provide a good starting point for applying for jobs.

How do you know?! You don't know either. She might have talked about all sorts. We can only go on what the OP said.
It's odd and sad that a 23 year old seems to have no ambition, in my opinion.

She's not going to be a wife at all if they've split up. And what do you care anyway? Have you even met her?

This is a weird thread.

I am a stay at home mum and love it. Tbh if I could get away with not working again even after the dc are grown up I'd take it as I have a million things I'd rather be doing than working!

But I don't know many guys who'd be ok with that!

My grandma stayed at home and as far as I know she and my grandad were happy. Only works if both people agree though.

I always wanted to be a SAHM, my mum was, my grandmother was.

I am and in all honesty it’s much harder than I expected 🤣

Im fortunate to also be covered should DH decided to run off with a 25 year old and also I have a career I could go back to.

Anyway, I don’t have any gossip about the ex partners of other people’s children so I’ll bow out now 🤣

"Bone idle fucker wants some mug to support her while she lazes around at home..."?

YANBU

She is 23 and still a student by the sounds of the OP. It is possible she is just trying it or maybe very naive. How does she survive at present? Essentially she is saying she has no desire to work, well that is her choice but what she cannot expect is that someone else will pay for her to live. Even if she moves to a cheaper area or is not materialistic she will need money to live on.

An unusual choice and obviously financially risky for her but we're all different.

A male friend of mine was actively looking when he was dating for a Woman who was happy to either not work in the future, or could work very flexibly; reason being that his job takes him abroad for long stretches (6-18 months at a time) and he wanted his future Wife/Family to be able to go with him rather than be in different countries. He earns more than enough to support a family. He found her eventually and they're very happy two DC and 3 countries down the line.

My SIL has also spent a period as a SAHW and at the time that worked very well for them in specific circumstances, although it was never going to be permanent.

Again, you're mentioning having time for the children - but the subject of the thread is being a stay at home wife, not a SAHM.

There is a work of difference between stopping work because you have a young child than never working after marriage. This girl is using the lad to get herself an easy life at his expense. I'd hate it for my sons.

Most stuff is not anyone else’s business but isn’t that what this forum is for, to discuss stuff like this? Don’t get the pile on of the ‘it’s not your business’. I’d be horrified if my daughter aspired to be a SAHW. I certainly haven’t raised her to want to be a kept woman and I’d be wondering where I went wrong if that was my daughter. The 1950’s is calling her back and she needs to realise that it’s completely unreasonable to sit at home doing nothing but a bit of house work and cooking whilst your husband is out working all day. Life is expensive but it’s also unfair to have all the financial responsibility on one set of shoulders! Maybe when they have kids she could consider it if finances allowed but even then many women now work aswell as they have to

So she needs to look for a footballer or an investment banker.

It's an interesting take on life.

I have a friend (we're both late 50s) and she has never worked after being married. She admits that all she ever wanted was a home and a family- and that's what she got.

Likewise, my own mum stopped work at 26 and only did very part time, occasional work for the rest of her life. It was never a career but it suited her and my dad.

I think it's perfectly valid to make a choice to be a SAHM but it isn't necessarily a secure position to be in as it means you are always going to 'need a man' to support you unless you have qualifications that ensure you can always find work.

My own DDs went to good unis and bought their own property before settling down. I always brought them up to be able to support themselves, whatever.

I completely agree with her. I’m 24 and all I ever wanted was a husband and children. Just they have to make sure they can afford to live that way.

If she finds a man willing then I hope she has enough common sense to make sure he's paying into a private pension for her. Doesn't sound like she does though

I think in this day & age leaving yourself financially reliant on another person is very foolish. That’s just my view, others will disagree!

I'm not sure about that. Wouldn't you be ashamed of sponging your way along?

I don't think I could live with the embarrassment of being a fit and healthy adult making zero contribution and riding on someone else's coattails to see me through life. Imagine explaining that to anyone who asked what you do for a living.

Plenty of women chose to be a stay at home parent.

Yes but they usually do work until they’ve had a child. This woman wants to be a stay at home wife. We don’t know if or when she wants children.

I recently read an article in Grazie magazine (at the hair salon - I don’t buy it!) about stay at home girlfriends. It’s a thing on TikTok - or was it IG? They have wealthy boyfriends and share videos of themselves lounging around and pampering.

Well yes, that is true. I do remember before my first child was born and I had several quiet months between stopping work and the baby arriving, I had everything done in the home well before lunch time and just had to make dinner in the evening. Those were lovely days but not a long term option. I'd just graduated university and was looking for two months work before baby arrived but no-one would employ me after 28 weeks.

If we take the children out of the equation, I'll go back to what I said in another comment though: Often people who aren't in paid employment do contribute a lot to the community in other ways (volunteering, charity work). So that is a contribution to the community and it can be a useful background if someone does choose or need to go into paid employment in future.

But is she really saying she doesn't want to work at all or just not of she has children?

The former is not valid- but hey, unemployment from people choosing not to work (despite loads of vacancies) is the highest ever at the moment so she's not alone in that thinking!

In all family groups there is a balance of work. Who does the housework, who cares for the children, who brings in the money, who cares for finances and education, who plans, who defends, who pushes things forward. Most couples share this out between them and there are pros and cons of each area of responsibility. One of the good things about modern life is that people and in this instance we are talking about women, can CHOOSE the life they want to lead. I wonder if it’s really necessary to be quite so faux horrified that her choices are so diametrically different than yours or to be quite so adamant that your choose are “right” and hers “wrong”.
As for the idea that children should be told to “run for the hills” by their mothers because their prospective life partners aren’t stepping in line with their mothers world view? Let your children live their lives, you’ve had your turn.

Why is it only women who can just choose not to work? A man in the same position would be (quite rightly) be called a cocklodger.
I think it's disappointing there are young women who have no intention of being independent and supporting themselves.

Also, a 23 year old man with these views would be considered a potential cocklodger.