A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

I'm always interested in mumsnetters capacity to be confused or to not understand fairly straightforward differences in opinion.

Yes fine, again, encourage your daughter. But why decide this randomer is worth posting about and disecting their life choices?

Why not? It's an unusual life choice in this day and age. Don't people post about unusual happenings?

Perhaps her craving isn’t so much for a man but to have her kids experience the security of having a mum at home. Perhaps her
m was absent a lot due to being a single working parent and she felt that was a hardship for her as a kid.

She doesn't have kids, she just doesn't want to work

You seem to want everyone to think the same way you do?

Life is about choices.

And made you happier no doubt then been a doormat.

Everyone's hooking into the SAHW vs SAHM aspect very strongly but a) it's like third- or fourth-hand information so who's to say that's what she actually said, and b) someone who wants this lifestyle probably wants kids sooner rather than later - she's said she'd move somewhere cheaper, isn't materialistic etc which doesn't sound like someone who wants to be a footballer WAG, it sounds like someone who wants to be on the PTA and church committees and local groups and things. What difference does it make if she starts that 9mo earlier

I agree!

I would say that was a pretty common expectation among some of my peers in school that once they had children they were going to stay home with them. There are probably always going to be a few girls each year who still have that as their ambition in life. I think with the cost of living as things are it will become less and less of a reasonable expectation for life but who knows when AI kicks in the working week might go right down and leisure and family time right up and in practice we all may be doing a version of staying at home.

I am a stay at home wife in my 20s, hoping to become a SAHM soon. My life is not sad (besides fertility struggles) and it's very fulfilling.

Isn't there some kind of social media 'movement' about this idea? I'm sure I've read about it. I wonder if she has been influenced by influencers!

I would guess she means both.

And made you happier no doubt then been a doormat.

Equating being a SAHM with being a 'doormat' is not on.

Says someone who opened the thread knowing the content from the title, read the OP and then commented.

Not working doesn't make someone a doormat.

Yes there is. Lots of young women online talking about how to find a husband who'll enable them not to work.

I agree this is is very much hearsay. But 'starting 9 months earlier' - there's no guarantee that children are going to come along like clockwork.

when AI kicks in the working week might go right down and leisure and family time right up and in practice we all may be doing a version of staying at home

Exactly, women in the olden days didn't SAH watching soaps, they were tending vege patches and taking in needlework etc around the kids at home. The weird post-industrial 9-5 outside-the-home job is the abnormal bit IMO

Maybe she hopes for the kids to come quickly?

I suppose it's each couple's decision to have one of the partners be a SAHW or H if they can afford it. No-one else's businesses, even if it's not something they understand.

As for 'good example for the kids' by being a WOHP, again up to each couple, I only care what we decide for our family for our own reasons, but my decision to be a SAHM was largely driven by the experience of having two fulltime WOHP. Now they are mostly grown I think it's worth it. And yes, I could get a job tomorrow if I needed to.

Doormat to her husband who did nothing.

No. Not everyone would. I couldn't think of anything that could make me feel more simultaneously bored and vulnerable.

I think a lot of women in this generation have had two full time WOHP and want to be more present for their own kids.

Being a housewife whoever husband doesn't lift a finger apart from work does make you a doormat though.
And it's a bad idea in todays society, plus not actually traditional at all but a product of the industrial revolution so men could work long hours. So not natural actually in history most women worked unless they were upper class.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man

I'd have thought this experience might make her all the more determined to pay her own way and not be dependent on other people to support her

I find it hugely depressing that a young woman's ambition would be to find a man who is willing to support her financially while she makes no contribution. I doubt many young men would buy into that

OP, you are not wrong. Every other thread on this forum is from a woman who is reliant on her partner financially because she doesn’t work or is earning less than him. Of course it’s her choice and that’s fine. But anyone who chooses this lifestyle without accepting the enormous risks that come with being financially dependent on someone else is in denial.

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