A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

Volunteering was mentioned. Though, again, isn't it interesting that it is usually women who do this without also doing paid work.

Well you call it “voluntary work” presumably because you are incapable of valuing an activity unless it is framed in that way. Of course you could do it alongside paid employment but that doesn’t increase its value and isn’t really relevant to the impact that person has had on the world because most peoples impact DOESN’T come from paid employment but rather from the things they do along side their jobs.

Most of the things are of value to others/community, arguably some volunteer roles ought to be paid anyway.

I'd dispute running marathons though? Why would that be an alternative to working?

I've run marathons but the person who benefits is myself although I tell my family I'm a much nicer person when I run it doesnt benefit or provide a service for anyone else

I think the term "voluntary work" is just a way of clarifying that it isn't paid and is being done for the good of whatever you're volunteering for.

I do voluntary work as well as paid work. I've never known anyone to find the term objectionable.

Ahh possibly it’s a regional difference in meaning? Here “voluntary work” would be working for a charity or club not picking up rubbish in your spare time or helping a neighbour.

Anyway I think it’s just a difference of opinion and life experience. I have no problem with only one spouse working others do for a variety of reasons. I expect people will go on doing what they like.

I can just imagine the conversation if DH (who loves gardening) told me he planned to give up work to plant trees....or if I told him I was giving up work to write poetry and run marathons.

most people who do those without any paid work alongside either have someone else funding that lifestyle or have amassed (or inherited) enough money to live on without working

I call it voluntary work because much of what you describe sounded like it. I also used that term before your list of activities so was using it anyway.

More women in paid employment means that eventually, it will hopefully not be seen as the norm in society for women to be the default parent, cooker and cleaner. I'd say being part of that change and helping society become more equal is a huge impact.

Depends on the paid employment too. There's the obvious teachers, nurses and employment where society would fall apart without them, there's also women again trying to change societal norms and work up to senior roles in male dominated industries which is also a big impact for young women who may sometimes think that STEM is a place where only males can succeed.

You can be in paid employment, volunteer and make impacts in all areas.

You can be in paid employment, volunteer and make impacts in all areas. oh yes I expect so but presumably you could if you weren’t?

Using most of your examples, of course. But my main issue is sexism and equality which is impacted negatively the more women give up careers and be the default parent, cook & cleaner.

@SouthLondonMum22

Exactly

No one has answered why their male phs just love working so much while they think most women are lying about it

You seem intent on conflating a life of unpaid activity undertaken purely for your own gratification and that of a husband, with a life that includes unpaid activity that is useful to others. For the sake of simplicity I used the word 'work' for the latter, whether voluntary or paid, but call it whatever best helps you understand.
I value the latter but not the former.

It's all just a big coincidence and nothing to do with sexism, of course.

That's a bit of a sweeping statement. Of course, some people do pointless jobs that don't make an impact, but I don't think it's true to say that most people's impact comes from what they do outside of work.

I volunteer in various ways. I'm a school governor, a charity trustee and a mentor to a troubled teenager, amongst other things. I do think I have an impact through all of those activities, but the impact that I have through my paid employment is far greater. And in the organisations where I serve as a volunteer, I recognise that it is the staff who are making the biggest impact.

By that logic surely paid work that is just to bring home a pay check is just undertaken purely for your own gratification and that of a husband.

Nah I think there’s some weird illogical thinking going on. Choose your own path by all means but I think your judgement of those who don’t follow your prescribed is ill thought out.

Depends what you do, surely?

The original feminists fought for women to have choice. This woman is exercising choice. That is fine.

Wonder why the males love achieving objectives, targets, goal analysing.
Are driven ambitious etc.

But all women are lying and REALLY would love to do flower arranging and read a book.

@Mischance

No they didn't.

They fought for equality

and it will all fall apart when the children start school anyway and end in divorce unless the woman gives up her career for birthday parties and swimming lessons.

Equality is about choice.

The original feminists fought for women to have choice. This woman is exercising choice. That is fine
They fought for equality and challenged the patriarchal structures that kept women in their place.

Liberal feminism and it's you do you, high 5 for any decisions a woman makes as an individual, any questions about systemic oppression is mean and so not empowering outlook is not grounded in feminism. More often than not it's repackaging the same old stereotypes and sexist expectations but now it's repackaged as empowerment, often whilst shutting down discussions about systemic issues that disproportionately affect women.

Any worldview that isn't interested in systemic issues that keep women oppressed isn't feminism in my opinion.

No. Because the people doing that work for the pay check are also the people who cut my hair, empty my bin, deliver food to the supermarket, fix my car, teach my children, drive my train, care for me when I'm old or sick, and generally meet my needs and facilitate and enhance my life, in a way a person cooking their own dinner and arranging their own flowers does not.
I don't think its illogical I value workers more.

Couldn't agree more.

So the value you place on them is linked to what they do, or may do, for you, rather than the actual thing they do.

Exactly. Well said.