Can we start a poverty solidarity thread?

[Welcometotheterrorzone]

It often feels like MN is a different world and I can't actually talk to anyone in real life as people either don't get it or assume I'm trying to gain sympathy or ask for money.

I cannot wait until payday. Things I am doing without right now

• petrol
• squash
• milk
• biscuits
• shampoo

So worried that I'll need to drive somewhere and have to explain that I have no petrol. Currently walking everywhere. I know it's partly my fault as I went a bit far on the last payday and bought a shed, but obviously no one is going to offer me a 0% interest or repayment scheme due to my credit. Wish I could budget better. I think these dry spells make it worse though. You live with weeks with nothing and then my wages come in and I go a bit crazy. Another downside of being skint. Could ask father of children but I can't take the smugness. He took them out for pizza last night and they brought some home! Ravenously ate it in the kitchen whilst they weren't looking. It's mad that this is the reality. No one knows. I have a full time job, nice house, car in drive, dress well (charity shops), the kids look ok. How no one gets what it's like, waking up to nothing in the bank, dry cereal, panicking about if there's a non school uniform day. Please let me know what's going on for you so I don't feel so alone!

This thread is so depressing, people should be going with basics like toilet roll, milk and shoes.

I wonder if it would be allowed to start a thread where people can offer things like out grown shoes, coats, school uniform, toiletries they can’t use and a family in need receives them? It’s all well and good donating stuff to a charity shop but people still need to have the money to buy the items from the charity shop.

I've been in a fortunate position so far OP, but I won't be by Christmas when the mortgage will jump up by hundreds of pounds. We're really going to struggle and I'm terrified!

That’s a great idea.

I have unused toiletries that I could donate, but I’m not sure if foodbanks and charity shops accept them?

I feel you OP.

Everything is just so expensive at the moment. I feel like I always managed well, and we were comfortable, until about 3 months ago.
I'm self-employed, and the main wage earner. My DH is wonderful, but doesn't earn much.
This time last year, business was booming and we were feeling flush, so booked an expensive (for us) 2-week holiday, which is at the end of June coming up. Thing is, business has been slower this past 6 weeks or so, and so our reserves are lower than we'd like. And because I'm self employed, if I'm not working I'm not getting paid. So this 2-week holiday is financially a 4-week holiday.

We know we'll love the holiday once we're on it, but the timing isn't very good financially.

@MyMachineAndMe
i have some brand new next school trousers, think they still have the tag on if there is a way to get in touch I will happily post them to you xx

Foodbanks will take unopened toiletries.

We did this on baby centre during the credit crunch at Christmas, it was wonderful to see all the mums relieved that Xmas was saved. I was in a better position at the time and happily shared my dds like new toys she had grown out of and the message I received from the mum brought me to tears. Great idea.

Interesting how so many people think that
A) everyone has access to a computer to do budgeting spreadsheets
B) everyone knows how to do spreadsheets

I once tried to use Excel for a spreadsheet. Not the first clue what to do.
Might as well have been trying to read a foreign language.

You are not alone, and I wish people talked it about it more. I have regularly been in the situation where I’m worried I won’t be able to pay for travel to get to work commitments. Somehow it has always worked out though, so far

I agree about it being hard to budget once a bit of money does come in. There’s a narrative of ‘you deserve it’ that I think we’ve been sold - and I’m always optimistic rather than realistic.

Solidarity here 💪🏻

I really hope things improve soon - also can't believe you're being chastised for buying a shed - bikes in the kitchen isn't ideal!
I was in a similar position - in the end the biggest help was adopting a 'can I find that 2nd hand instead of new' mindset.

In those years, things I bought 2nd hand rather than new included:

• Car. Handed back the £400+ per month lease and bought a £2k runabout. It was marvellous!
• Clothes. Went bargain hunting on eBay (there's Vinted now too) and got some great deals
• Various toys for the DC
• Appliances - not one of my appliances was new, all second hand and they lasted very well including a bargain 42" TV for £40 because the sound didn't work (I used a soundbar)
• Furniture - to this day I've never bought a new sofa! Instead I bought a carpet cleaner; this does a great job of bringing them back to good condition

See if there's anywhere you can cut costs, then slowly try and work on your credit score.
Good luck, I've been right to the bottom - and even though DW and I don't earn much more now than then, cutting our lifestyle back means we have a bit of spare money every month again!

If you are really struggling please pm me and I will see what I can do to help.

I use it now, but didn't have a clue until recently.
Pen and paper with an old fashioned calculator works just as well.

That's a really good point about the computer.

In regards to excel: there are so many online explanations and free tutorials. There are also useful (ebooks), like excel for dummies.

@ashamedmum007, that sounds so tough for you and your dd. The last thing you need is pressure from your child's school. I'd email them if you have no money for shoes ATM. To attend school she will have to wear trainers. Have you looked on FB marketplace as sometimes Mums bundle up clothes and just give it away to make more space in their homes. Does your council have that scheme where they collect furniture from people who have no further use for it and store it and anyone can apply to get something. If so could you ask if there are any beds spare? Where I live we have a neighbourhood group and I sometimes see beds going either very cheap or free on there. Do you have one of those groups near to you. I have also seen people asking for various things as just moved into a flat and need furniture. So many people offer furniture including beds for free. Where are you located?

I feel you, OP. I'm currently living without coffee, laundry powder, breakfast and lunch and toilet paper is being rationed. I get some money tomorrow so should be able to pick up some basics but I don't get enough to last until my next payday without careful rationing.

RE the shed and other bigger purchases, I know you've probably already thought of this, but just in case you haven't, Faceache Marketplace and Gumtree are great for picking up cheap and free second-hand goods, including sheds and whitegoods. I got my shed from marketplace. It was brand new and still boxed. I paid less than half the price it cost new because someone ordered it and then never got around to putting it up. I've also snagged a chest freezer for £30 and a free fridge freezer.

This is a ridiculous comment. OP had to have several bikes in her kitchen everyday so it would be difficult to get around them. Now she can put them in the shed and possibly DC garden toys too. It is not living a life of luxury to want a little shed for storage. She will have 2 weeks with no fresh fruit or milk but the shed will last a lot longer than 2 weeks. There might never be a time when she can really afford the shed. Sometimes it is short term pain for long term gain.

Hi op. Sorry times are tough, it sounds like you're a brilliant mum.

Just in case you haven't thought of this, you can wash your hair with washing up liquid. Works quite well.

Lol at those in the comments saying you’re not poor enough to call yourself poor.

Unless you’re drinking puddle water and wearing a potato sack instead of clothes then it doesn’t count clearly…

You don’t need an expensive computer or software. Everyone on this thread has a phone capable of helping them if they are able to post on mumsnet.
There are basic free apps that will help people visualise their finances.
And then there is good old fashioned pen and paper. All you need to do is a list of outgoings and break it down against your income into manageable chunks of time.
It’s actually very a basic and more people should be encouraged to be more aware of their finances.

Sorry if this seems a bit callous as it's not meant that way at all @Welcometotheterrorzone but did you get a bike shed for £200?

I'm in the same situation as you and will need to save for it but I desperately want the kids bikes out the house!

Hope things get better for you soon

Hello everyone.

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

Do you understand the title of this thread?

Are you able to respectfully adhere to it, or otherwise pipe down?

OP, I'm really sad to hear that your ex would be so smug about giving you a few extra quid. You at the pizza leftovers as you were starving. That is dire and I can't understand why any ex (especially when there's children involved) wouldn't think of the spouse they loved once and make sure they have food at least.

You needed your shed and you won't have that expense again but please do go to a food bank. Poverty and need is so prevalent now and they've been set up to help. Please go! I give money to food banks as I'm fortunate and can - please go to one, even if it's just once to get you through.

I got a shed for free from free cycle i had friends help me pick it up and rebuild