Can we start a poverty solidarity thread?

[Welcometotheterrorzone]

It often feels like MN is a different world and I can't actually talk to anyone in real life as people either don't get it or assume I'm trying to gain sympathy or ask for money.

I cannot wait until payday. Things I am doing without right now

• petrol
• squash
• milk
• biscuits
• shampoo

So worried that I'll need to drive somewhere and have to explain that I have no petrol. Currently walking everywhere. I know it's partly my fault as I went a bit far on the last payday and bought a shed, but obviously no one is going to offer me a 0% interest or repayment scheme due to my credit. Wish I could budget better. I think these dry spells make it worse though. You live with weeks with nothing and then my wages come in and I go a bit crazy. Another downside of being skint. Could ask father of children but I can't take the smugness. He took them out for pizza last night and they brought some home! Ravenously ate it in the kitchen whilst they weren't looking. It's mad that this is the reality. No one knows. I have a full time job, nice house, car in drive, dress well (charity shops), the kids look ok. How no one gets what it's like, waking up to nothing in the bank, dry cereal, panicking about if there's a non school uniform day. Please let me know what's going on for you so I don't feel so alone!

Ignore those trying to out poverty you OP; Mumsnet is like that. You bought a shed to house your bikes?! You profligate monster. Tie them to your house with fallen strands of your children's hair.

It sounds shit. Truly does. I hope things improve for you.

I know I mentioned Marketplace and Gumtree and I agree Freecycle is great but it's only helpful if you have the means to collect the goods you want.

Not everyone has access to or can afford to hire a van and help to move things. I was in a position once where I couldn't afford a free sofa because I couldn't afford a van to move it.

I just wanted to point that out before OP gets jumped on for not looking for free sheds etc.

Tbh it’s a fair point, there’s nothing about a shed thats a priority purchase and impulsivity in purchasing is something that does needs tackling, the op themselves has acknowledged this.

I already donate foster son's school uniform to a local church where a volunteer washes and irons it all, hangs on hangers and anyone can go and ask for a uniform. Last year FS had a growth spurt so I handed over 2 winter coats and a jacket, school bag, trainers X 2 pairs, football boots, 5 white logo shirts, 5 logo sweatshirt and 3 pairs of trousers and some PE kit with logos on. The volunteer told me it would be given to 3 children. I asked if she wanted another bag of good quality used clothes FS had grown out of. She told me it was not what the scheme did as it was just school uniforms but as I was leaving she rushed across to me and told me she knew a couple of boys that size who she thought would like it so I drove home and met her outside in the carpark and let her have that too.

And does the father of the children know they are going without basic food and personal hygiene items, though personally biscuits and squash wouldn’t be high on my priority list either!he might choose to donate the cost of the pizza instead?

I had this kind of Homer Simpson thing in my head.

Shed ... or food.

Shed ... or food.

Shed ... or food.

SHEEEEEEEEEED !

Would it have not been possible to save for the shed over a few months rather than going all out and ending up without food ?

I mean, I do have sympathy for people who are generally poverty stricken and cannot afford the essentials.

But if if people have the money and make the wrong choices, what can anyone do to help ?

I mean for example, if there was more money available would that help people make better budgeting choices or should the strategy be to hose them down with so much cash so they don't have to consider budgeting at all ?

Did you read that the bikes are being stored in the kitchen? Not for you or anybody else to say that a shed isn't a priority purchase actually.

Your comment about squash and biscuits not being on your list just make you sound sneery and clueless. I mean, why would poor people want biscuits? High calorie, cheap food that is quickly available to eat without preparation? It's a stumper, isn't it?

What do you think, if you actually do?

A bike shed in these circumstances is as much a transport expense as a tank full of petrol if you have a car. If you don't have somewhere dry for the bikes they'll go rusty and you'll have to get new ones. I did build a slightly shonky lean to on our existing shed for DS's bike using some sheet material I scavenged from the school skip- but that depended on having an existing shed to attach it to. If not, I would have had to spend money on at least some materials, even if I used pallets for the rest, and the price of timber has shot up recently.

Does everyone know about Vinted for clothes?? I just had a look for Clarks school shoes and they had pairs from as little as 2 quid- you do have to add the delivery fee to that though. It's proving invaluable for me now that DS1 is a teen and wants to wear branded stuff. He found a decent looking pair of Vans on there for 4 quid the other day!

You can also sell clothes on there- just don't expect to make a fortune because, of course, things don't go for much. It cuts both ways!

... and here's another one. Whose point of reference is a cartoon character no less.

There are some woefully ignorant people on this thread and they shouldn't be here if they can't understand the fundamental differences between those who can buy essentials without having to search for change, and those who ^can't*.

That's not actual poverty. That's bad financial management and poor decision making.

I think this is a great idea, I'd happily cover postage to send stuff.

You aren't in poverty.......you just aren't managing your money. There's a difference.

Poverty means not being able to meet basic needs. You are not living in poverty.

It's worth seeing if there's a community larder or surplus group in your area, ours gives away surplus items 3 times a week, no proof of need needed, no cap on how often you go. I often get sourdough bread, really expensive stuff, because nobody wants it and they are closing as I leave work (we are associated with them), they had short date uht milk in abundance this morning

Not sure you are right there.
Joseph Rowntree Foundation might disagree with you there.
And governments take notice of them, from what little I know.

We are doing really well now but were skint for so many years that I hate buying things that are not absolutely necessary. I find it stressful if my DH buys me things. Even when I have coveted the item for years and we have plenty left over in the bank. I think poverty leaves marks that last for a very long time and I don't blame you for buying that shed. Going without is really tough and draining.

I bought three pairs of trousers in December as I needed something nice to wear at the office. For once I didn't buy them from a charity shop or a discount shop. They are nice trousers but I somehow resent them for having been "expensive". Even though I know they weren't. They just weren't dirt cheap.

Why on earth people reported this thread, I have no idea.

I think you've nailed it there.
Many of the old fashioned skills of previous generations have been lost.
Make do and mend was my late mums (born in 1936) favourite saying.
My parents had next to nothing but we never went without.
It did help that my mum was a skilled dressmaker and knitter, and we had a garden for growing vegetables.

Don't be ashamed to use a food bank. You are doing your best, maybe also check out St. V de P.

Don't go hungry xx

That’s a mumsnet comment if I ever saw one…god forbid that anyone would ever have to store a bike in their kitchen! The horror! People live in all sorts of conditions and I presume the op isn’t living with her kids in 1 room seeing as she “lives in a nice house” (kids have their own bedrooms do they?)and no, we live in a country where we have clean ,healthy tap water,squash is not an essential !

No sorry I can't. I would rather fall over bikes in the kitchen and wash my children's hair and put milk on their cereal.

Th OP herself admits it's bad budgeting and she goes mad on payday. There is a huge difference there. Willingly going mad KNOWING you won't have the basics for your children is just reckless.

Spending priorities vary from person to person. I have bikes in the house and need to buy a shed.

Despite being a 1% high income family it hasn’t been on my priority list.

Wish I could budget better

You need to invest time finding a way to make this work, it is important and you wouldn't be buying a big purchase followed by not having enough for basics. You don't need excel or complex spreadsheets, you need to get a handle on your incomings and your outgoings.

I don't think you know what actual poverty is 😒