Can we start a poverty solidarity thread?

[Welcometotheterrorzone]

It often feels like MN is a different world and I can't actually talk to anyone in real life as people either don't get it or assume I'm trying to gain sympathy or ask for money.

I cannot wait until payday. Things I am doing without right now

• petrol
• squash
• milk
• biscuits
• shampoo

So worried that I'll need to drive somewhere and have to explain that I have no petrol. Currently walking everywhere. I know it's partly my fault as I went a bit far on the last payday and bought a shed, but obviously no one is going to offer me a 0% interest or repayment scheme due to my credit. Wish I could budget better. I think these dry spells make it worse though. You live with weeks with nothing and then my wages come in and I go a bit crazy. Another downside of being skint. Could ask father of children but I can't take the smugness. He took them out for pizza last night and they brought some home! Ravenously ate it in the kitchen whilst they weren't looking. It's mad that this is the reality. No one knows. I have a full time job, nice house, car in drive, dress well (charity shops), the kids look ok. How no one gets what it's like, waking up to nothing in the bank, dry cereal, panicking about if there's a non school uniform day. Please let me know what's going on for you so I don't feel so alone!

I wouldn't be keeping nickable things like bikes under tarpaulin, that is for things you want to keep dry but aren't worth much

I get you @Welcometotheterrorzone ! More later... school run.

In AIBU the generic response to this is “what? You have no money? Well you ARE a silly billy” so just here to say fuck that, been there, feel for you.

I get you op it's shit. Have you tried olio?
That's about the only thing keeping us going lately.
I'm assuming others aren't even buying the reduced stuff atm the amount that's being listed on there.
Got 2 massive packs of salmon from there last night and some veg. I've already got potatoes in so that's a virtually free meal.
No useful advice but letting you know your not alone.

I'm sorry it's so hard. Have you thought about getting a bike? There are usually plenty going free on local sites. It'll cut your commute down loads.

@BrokeAssMum also our local private dentist has reasonable charges & allows people to pay it off with no interest. It's worth asking around.

My husband and I are in our 60s, worked all our lives and struggled for years. Mortgage paid off, kids in their early 40s.

Now, I can't work (stroke 22 months ago), am on £360 a month PIP. He's got heart problems, but no proper diagnosis or treatment yet, is on £99 a week SSP. He gets a private pension of £900 quarterly. He's got a year to go for a state pension, I've got 2 years to go. We don't qualify for any benefits but are now just getting a bit of help with council tax. We haven't had a holiday for 4 years, can't afford to go out very often (when we do, it's to a cheap pub for dinner).

Didn't expect our later years to be like this.

That sounds like a better idea than the envelopes. At least to me. (But I am not in OP's situation. And hopefully will not be). But as somebody who works hard to contain my impulse buys (and I usually do manage)?

This sounds great.

There is a whole psychological thing around being skint and making impulsive purchases - I know because DH grew up poor and has it, he spends it on something he wants before it can get swallowed up by other things. You can try to fight it but don't beat yourself up about it because feel shit about yourself leads to...more spending! You wouldn't think so as it's all numbers on a page but money and budgeting is very driven by our emotions and almost no one makes sensible well planned decisions 100% of the time, it's just that when you have more coming in the impulse sheds have less of an impact.

Anyway I see that you are wanting to punish yourself for this normal human thing that's happened, again don't do that but if you are absolutely determined then can I ask you to google community pantries in your area? These are open to everyone as they are primarily about preventing food waste, so you can be as undeserving as you like and will still be doing a good thing by taking and eating the food. My local one gets a lot of yellow sticker stuff from M&S so the biscuits are excellent quality.

There's acute grinding poverty and scraping by and sinking and a lot of people are being sucked into the latter.

It's soul destroying.

As someone with a massive age gap in children, I’d say I didn’t find the baby that expensive. People have been keen to offload clothes / toys / equipment as our friends have mainly passed the baby stage, and the sheer joy a baby brings the family brightens up the toughest of times. Best of luck!

hi @ashamedmum007 could you check your PMs please?

I used to be like this. She's not going crazy just paying for everything then has none left.

I am sorry that you are in this situation. When younger, we had times of hardship ourselves. For me the envelope system worked best, as I could spent every week something on food etc. However, I do understand that it is not for everyone.

As badgermushroom also experienced, my husband grew up poor as well. He splurges once he is paid, while I rather built a cushion for unforeseen expenses. It works for us, as his splurges usually pertain to a nice meal etc and I can chip in if something unexpected comes up. Nowadays we are not hard up, but I remember the feeling.

You know, now you have your shed for safely storing your bikes. Going without milk for now is shit, but in the whole scheme of things, going without milk for 2 weeks is not life changing, while your shed clearly has a positive impact on your living accomodation.

Others have commented already a lot of practical tips as well

If you can afford to buy a shed your hardly on the bones of your arse.
You need to start budgeting properly. It's not that difficult, honestly!!

I'm struggling a bit too. But thank goodness the weather has warmed up so not shivering from not being able to put the heating on!

When I get my benefits I will pay the latest installment for my DD's school trip, buy fresh fruit/veg, pay for stall at school fair (DD wants to sell bracelets), put a bit aside for new trainers for me as mine have holes in them, buy toiletries we've run out of. Also need to look if DD will need any new clothes for her school trip. Gosh, it's never ending is it?!

@ashamedmum007 ask anonymously on your local FB sites (have you got a Mumbler local?) for the school shoes, then you can PM anyone who replies. Someone always has some spare shoes to see you through if you ask. Good luck

All these so called ‘free bikes’ never show up in my neck of the woods I have to say! Been trying to find some shelves on FB marketplace gumtree etc for months and everyone wants £££ these days so just carry on going without

I do think we've lost a lot of skills people used to make do in older generations. My aunt built a rough shed from pallets in her seventies a few years ago, I wouldn't know where to start!

my wages come in and I go a bit crazy

This is what OP said.

I relate so much to this.
Living day to day, this week I’ve had to raid drawers and under sofas to find pennies to buy toilet paper.
I don’t spend any money on myself, my trainers have holes in but won’t be replaced for a while, all of my clothes are at least 5/6 years old.
Bilks, rent and food come first, then stuff for the DC, then there is nothing left.
People can say you just need to budget but it isn’t that simple. Until you have been in the same situation you cannot understand. It’s soul destroying.
I have 46p in the bank and payday is 9 days away so now I pray nothing goes wrong or runs out before then.

@Sapphire387 how on earth are your food bills £200 a week!!

@ashamedmum007 what size are your daughters feet? I might be able to send you some Clark’s school shoes, I will cover postage if they are any good. My dd just had a growth spurt and out grew hers which we replaced in February half term, she wears P.E kit for two days a week so the shoes really haven’t had much wear.

for anyone struggling ,if you live in a city or a large town at least there is a lot of free stuff out there, people in our area cant even give it away...Olio app for one highly recommended but people who are food volunteers on there say there just aren't the takers so a lot still gets thrown away.Olio also shares non-food items for free. Try also local facebook groups, "nextdoor" website freecycle etc etc, the local tip re-use shop.

Things we are doing without:

I haven’t had my hair cut (or anything else done to it) for over 2 years. It’s a birds nest now.
No new clothes for me or DH - a lot have little holes that we have to hide.
Both of our shoes falling apart but can’t replace them.
The springs came through on our mattress so we sleep on a blow up bed as that was all we could afford.
No TV as that also broke and we can’t afford to replace it.
Ive run out of ways to reduce the food shopping costs.
There are more to list, but it’s too depressing.