To absolutely hate my house

[purpleflowers88]

I hate it, I never really liked it when we moved in but it was all we could afford in the area.

All plastering is shit (2002 build) half the curtain poles are falling down cos it can't hold the weight. The garden has a fucking raised wall meaning it's not safe for our young daughter. I moved out for a while last year during a separation and he let the garden go to shit. We're on LPG gas so there is a great tank in the corner of what little space we have.
I painted the kitchen over lockdown as it was 90s wood and it improved it but it's peeling. The dog chewed the lino, which looked cruddy already.
All my friends have such lovely houses and nice gardens their children can play in.. and say their partners keep on top of it.. mine doesn't. I've asked for shelves to be put up for 3 weeks. He does no gardening.. no painting, no DIY, has no interest in home improvements.
I know some people don't have a home at all and im lucky but I just need to rant as it's getting me down.

Chip away but by bit. It is a lovely space.
could you do some weeding whilst your daughter plays nearby?

Bit by bit*

Why is your garden not safe? Your kid will know there is a step

Maybe work on getting on area tidied up? Eg put out the garden furniture in the back garden?

I hear you, been there, got the divorce.

Still in the house, it's mine now, and I do stuff myself. I was raised by my mum, and she did all of hers herself too. Jobs aren't gendered.

I get that it's frustrating that your OH has no interest, but that doesn't stop you doing it. Does he do other stuff?

The garden looks like it just needs a good cut and tidy. The wall is annoying, but small children learn to navigate them.

I'm decorating the study this weekend.

If you want a nice home make yourself one.

I used to keep on top of it, even while pregnant but I just feel so reluctant to know knowing he lets it get this way. But he won't so I'll have to. I'll try to show you what I mean with a better photo. She's only 18 months and I worry she'll trip, or hurt herself on the silly bird bath thing.

Space seems fine but maintaining a house is constant work. Your garden just needs a bit of tlc can't see how it's not safe.

I thought you meant the garden wall was 5 foot or something! That garden just needs a good weed and a few plants putting in. Post on the garden subject on here, they'll tell you what to do. If your daughter is very little, could you drag a playpen outside and have an hour or so every day outside? I bet she'd like 'painting' water on the patio etc.

You could repaint the kitchen?

Sounds so familiar
No advice but sympathy

She'll be fine with the step. She can even help you pull up some of the weeds, and then you can make a comment to your DH about how practical your 18mo is.

@Azandme I can see how it ended in divorce to be honest 😂 no house wise he does nothing. He works (usually from home at the kitchen table) and he does help with the kids and is the better cook out of the two of us but in terms of round the house, DIY, housework and garden, he doesn't do much.

Move all the furniture and then mow and strim it. It will look 100 times better just doing that and it will give you a boost to get started.

If I was local to you I would happily come and give it a make over.

It's not unsafe for an 18 month old.

It looks like the main issue is untidiness, inside and out. That's a fairly easy thing to fix, just do a bit in the garden everyday and tidy the house once your daughter is in bed.

I'm more bothered about mess than my partner and I've learned that the only person who is hurt by quietly seething about this is me.

Ok so he helps with the kids - can he take them out for a morning while you attack the garden? Do you have any gardener friends or relatives you could rope in?

So he expects you to do everything in the house, garden, DIY etc? Have you asked him why he thinks that’s a fair division of labour?

Id be inclined to get rid of him, I couldn’t put up with that for the rest of my life.

Hi OP, the garden is safe. Yes, she might stumble or trip. She might fall. She might hit her head. She might do all these things in your living room too. Kids do all these things all the time and it makes them learn how not to fall over!

I totally understand house frustration but it's a waste of your energy. I guarantee everyone - even friends with 'perfect' homes - will have some frustration with their house.

As you know, you're blessed to have it. Your DD is blessed to have a garden. Maybe one day you'll dig out the bricks and turn it into a slope? But until then it will be fine for her to explore as long as you keep an eye on her.

Try to make a list of things that would make you happier in the home and then work through them, 1 a week for small things, 1 a month for bigger/more costly jobs. Channel your energy into watching some YouTube videos about how to put the shelves up yourself! It's really satisfying I promise :)

Also, the curtain rails might be an easy fix: https://blog.kwikhang.com/how-to-fix-curtain-rod-holes-in-your-wall

Try to take the power back, you can do this! You can do what's needed to have a home you really enjoy being in. Wish you all the best!

It’s hard work keeping it up together, a never ending job. I paint, do the garden etc. big jobs I get my husband to do but it’s exhausting because he makes any excuse possible to get out of it. It’s always later, tomorrow, next week blah blah blah. It’s got a bit better cos I told him how the neighbours mentioned about him not doing anything in the garden whereas I’m always doing it! I think it embarrassed him. He goes to work is his mantra, the fuckwit fails to see how I worked full time looked after kids and still did it all. Our house needs some plastering, but I really can’t be arsed anymore especially since I’ve had some serious health issues. What really pisses me off most is as soon as one of his mates asks him to give them a hand he’s gone like a shot. Life’s to short to worry about things needing doing, and it’s definitely to short to be with someone who doesn’t do anything in the house and who watches his partner do things he should be doing. Don’t be me!

I have one of these lazy bastards as well 😟 he has never done any diy, painting gardening apart from mows the lawn every now and then after asking him a thousand times and in between it looks like a neglected overgrown mess as it is at the moment.. he just doesn't see it and has no interest whatsoever 🤬
As for the house I've done it myself from day one I paint everything and everywhere or it would be the same from the day we moved in, I've painted all the rooms, skirting, radiators, door frames, staircase etc , I'm no going at putting shelves up etc some things are out of my league but I either end up just leaving it or paying someone.
I've even had a go at fixing things when they go wrong with the help of YouTube and sometimes it works other times it doesn't and have to call someone in.
You have my sympathy op I find it frustrating, upsetting, made to feel like a nag and I'm sick of it tbh

I understand...my house needs loads doing to it. We've lived here for ten years and our garden has never once been usable...DH doesn't seem to care. He has money and is capable of DIY, but he's told me for the last ten years that it's not a priority....arrgghhh.

Power wash patio and cut grass. Looks fine to me. Tidy living room. Deep clean kitchen.

The problem is your DH not your house. He needs to put in more effort or its LTB time. Your garden needs a tidy, weed and cut back. Few flower pots along the wall as a barrier to stop your toddler tripping. All of these you can do. I do all the garden myself. My DH is not practical at all.

Garden looks like a lovely space to me! Mow the lawn, clear the weeds from the sitting area and it will be great for the summer. Our old house had a little wall like that and my two toddlers managed it fine.

Get out there and do it yourself! It is not that big of a space and will be quicker than you think. Get rid of all those fiddly bits that your daughter will bump into or fall over. Your DD will be straddling that wall in no time. The hardest part by far is to put on your wellies! You'll get some fresh air and exercise and be in a better mood and find more energy to do other things!

It is a virtuous cycle! Once you see what a difference you can make yourself you will be able to tackle another inside job. Your DH, seeing you happy, will feel he is missing out on all the fun and will start helping. And even if he doesn't you will be so pleased with yourself; your home will be so much more pleasant!

OP I understand your frustration.
The garden looks fine though. Just needs some maintenance. (I understand that it isn't the nicest or easiest or quickest of jobs)
My DH is useless. I do everything because apart from bringing in money (which I also do - just not as much) he contributes barely anything. So I put up the shelves, plumb in the washing machine, maintain the cars, paint the walls, do the garden. I also do all the kid stuff, all the bills, sort holidays. Basically everything. And that also means I do it the way I like it and if he doesn't like it its tough shit.

Break it down into smaller tasks. Borrow things if you don't have them (power washer/lawn mower) Its overwhelming but it can be done bit by bit. Give your DD a task if she is with you (not a real task - find something daft like painting the bricks with water) so she feels pleased with herself.

Your garden is pretty decent. It needs a good weeding. Can you agree to commit a weekend to it?
Make a safe corner for your toddler or put her in a pop up tent. Even if only one weeds and one supervises you'll all be out together so less demoralising.

What can't you manage about the garden? Try and change these. So ours is very long. A battery mower has made it so much easier. Done in the time it took to plug in three extension cables.
I've put Cotswold gravel and raised beds on a bit that was previously weed hell (they are just pallet toppers painted, nothing fancy).

I'd add a small border round the bird bath to create a natural barrier. Stick in a few bedding plants and it will look lovely.

The kitchen, sand and touch up the chips. It probably needs a varnish over the top.

No house stays looking lovely if you don't maintain it. It gets easier as your kids get bigger and you can do a bit while they watch telly or play.

Your garden isn't a list cause but allowing a full summer of growth will make it harder.