To absolutely hate my house

[purpleflowers88]

I hate it, I never really liked it when we moved in but it was all we could afford in the area.

All plastering is shit (2002 build) half the curtain poles are falling down cos it can't hold the weight. The garden has a fucking raised wall meaning it's not safe for our young daughter. I moved out for a while last year during a separation and he let the garden go to shit. We're on LPG gas so there is a great tank in the corner of what little space we have.
I painted the kitchen over lockdown as it was 90s wood and it improved it but it's peeling. The dog chewed the lino, which looked cruddy already.
All my friends have such lovely houses and nice gardens their children can play in.. and say their partners keep on top of it.. mine doesn't. I've asked for shelves to be put up for 3 weeks. He does no gardening.. no painting, no DIY, has no interest in home improvements.
I know some people don't have a home at all and im lucky but I just need to rant as it's getting me down.

Oh and the curtain poles falling down suggests the wrong fixing, not something wrong with the plaster. You probably need the cavity wall anchors that can't pull out (they are not expensive)

There's a lot of potential in that garden space to make it really lovely. Just as a suggestion, can you swing for a one off gardener to come in and deal with some of the worst of it? Sometimes that can help make it less overwhelming and feel more possible to do something about.

I'm the same. Every bit of our house is dated and old and messy. Worn but not broken, and I don't know where to start first so I do nothing.

I saw a thread the other day about pretty corners in your house so I'm trying to make a pretty corner in my front room. I've cleared some junk off a bookcase and put some nice photos on it. That's a tiny start. But the rest of the house still looks quite shit.

Our garden is also quite like yours with lots of small walls and obstacles all over the place. I'd see about removing the bird bath for a start. It's in your way. You would suddenly have a whole lot more space on your lawn if it was gone.

That garden looks great! It wouldn't actually take very much to get it looking lovely and it's only a tiny step. It's not unsafe. You should see my garden and my DD was fine there when she was 18 months.
The kitchen might just need another coat of paint, maybe try a different make as I wouldn't have thought it should be peeling already if it was prepped properly before.
What does your husband actually do though? Are you both working full time? Surely you can put up shelves and do gardening? But if you're doing all that while he's sat on his arse watching tv then that's obviously not fair

I know this isn’t the point but some of these things are fixable fairly cheaply and easily.

you can buy stick down tiles for the kitchen
the curtain poles need putting up with special rawl plugs
the kitchen cupboards can be repainted
the garden is bigger than mine and only needs a tidy, at that age my daughter was moving bricks from a to b as we were mid renovation ( still not finished) so she will be fine

forgetting the DH situation, you need to find inspiration to fall back in love/refresh your home, there are loads of home accounts on TikTok or Facebook groups like the French Chic group.

You need to use the correct fixings for the poles. Suggest get a handyman round to sort them. My husband used to do this - always amazed him how some people had hung them!

Just that simple thing would probably improve your experience :)

The rest just needs tidying and decluttering - and some hours on pinterest for ideas!

You should Frenchic the kitchen. Transform it for the cost of paint.

House and garden just look like they need a tidy up/normal day to day maintenance to me?

Surely you are equally as responsible for letting get it so untidy/unkempt and failing to carry out routine maintenance. None of the jobs that need doing (shelves up/weeding/mowing/cleaning patio/tidying up toys/putting up curtain poles) require a penis to do.

Most of these jobs can be done whilst your DD is pottering around with you.

Set aside a weekend as a family and crack on with it together.

Clear all the furniture and stuff out of the way.
Mow the lawn and weed everywhere, then brush up all the grass/weeds and put in garden bin. I love weeding, it's very satisfying, honest!! 😉
Power wash the patio.
I think it has the potential to be a lovely garden OP

Garden looks nice just needs power washing and weeding.
If you don’t like the birdbath knock it down won’t take long.
Put an outside rug on patio.
Is house in your name? If you aren’t married and it’s his house then don’t fall in trap of improving his property.
If it’s a joint property then from the pics it’s an easy makeover to make it much better. There used to be a tv show where they took houses like your weeded the garden, painted the kitchen and said it was worth ££ more (American presenter)

Little and often is the key, I think

Your garden is a decent size

Shelves are easy to put up. YouTube it and do it yourself.

All fixable!

GARDEN:
Put a row of planted pots in front of the wall. DD will be far less likely to run into them and they will look pretty.

Weed, tidy, get rid of anything that is messy/ugly/eyesore. Bits of furnure, swing thing etc. Keep in mind it is better to have a 'hole' waiting for something you love than shit you hate looking at....

HOUSE:
Clean the grout between the tiles / Paint the tiles.
Touch up the painting of the doors you did and refresh shiny handles or something that sparkles.

LIVING ROOM:
Just messy and a bit lacking in personality.
Nice toy box. Wicker or wood. If it doesn't hold everything, it's not big enough. Put everything away as soon as DD goes to bed and get in the habit of not having everything out all the time.
The grey cord sofa thing isn't helping - can you find something less bulky on ebay/gumtree. Maybe a colour, with some cushions?
Walls are bit insipid. Either go White or a definite colour.
Pictures on walls
Side lamps.

Make a list and go one bit at a time.

Sorry your DP is an arse. Instead of giving him a massive list of things, try asking 'what one thing we can do this week' and work your way through it. (not that you should have to, but in the interests of getting the help you need).

If it were left down to me, I suspect our garden would look similar as I am not that interested. I like a garden to look nice, but I just CBA!

DH likes a nice garden, so this is one of his jobs to do. However, there are some times, like at the beginning of Spring, that it just needs a bit of extra attention after having been left over the winter.

At that point he just says "we need to do the garden this weekend. If we both take a crack at it, it won't take long." and we do, and it doesn't!

What would your DP do/say if it was presented as a non-optional thing to do - "We need to get out in the garden this weekend and get it so we can use it"?

As PP have mentioned, have your DD out with you. Depending on her age, put her in a buggy or play pen, or get her to help pull up weeds or put things in the bin for you if she's old enough.

Clear all the furniture off to the patio and take a strimmer and mower to the main bulk of the lawn area and edging, put the furniture back and de-weed the patio.

It's not a 10 minute job, granted, but it looks like you should easily get the garden more presentable over the course of a weekend, even if you took it in turns with DD. If your DP really doesn't want to do the garden, then he gets to look after DD while you do it. He doesn't get to do nothing.

As for the rest of the house, just do a bit at a time, as PP have said. I know it's annoying having someone that isn't interested sharing the space, but he will either have to learn that there are certain things he has to do, even if it doesn't bother him, or he doesn't have to stay.

If you aren’t handy/no tools then some handymen will quote for half a day etc. So pay a few hours and get him to fix curtain rails, put shelves up etc.

Make it your own. He isnt going to help so he does childcare while you crack on. I also have one that does not house maintenance - he does clean, tidy and cook. So he looks after the kids while I paint or do garden etc.

It could be a lovely space! It's a nice size, but not too big to tackle in a weekend. Unless you're disabled I would go out there (and force DH to come with me) and get started on 'Operation Tidy Up'.

Put some play/gym mats down on the slabs if you think your daughter might fall over. Have you got a hover mower or strimmer for your grass? Wouldn't take you long to tidy that and then you can put the cushions onto the swing and seating and all that's left is to pull out the weeds and it's finished.

Rip out the birth bath thing.

Near the wall if you are worried get some of those foam mats. Rub down and repaint the cupboard doors or if you have spare cash see what end of line ones are for sale or crack out the fablon if you are any good with it.

If you don’t want child to fall off step up then you could put planters along it the sort made out of decking boards are reasonably priced.
Lawn treatment weed & feed makes a big difference. Child will soon have nice lawn to play on.
Paint is easy to eg Cuprinol garden shades. Paint fence/shed/table.
If flags are dirty then cleaner off Amazon works wonders. Clean glass conservatory roof too. Will make a huge difference.

I sympathise as I have similar frustrations regarding our house (and my DH). However, I try to make myself feel better by focusing on the fact that I have a warm home and safe space to call
my own, which is much more than a lot of other people have.

Your house actually has a lot of potential - it just needs a bit of tlc. There are some good tips for doing it up on this thread and, as others have pointed out, if your OH won’t do anything then learn to do it yourself. It could be a fun way of getting DD involved as well and you will ultimately
feel a lot better about your situation.

https://www.dunelm.com/product/indoor-outdoor-moretti-rug-1000152483?defaultSkuId=30702371&ds_c=Rugs_Rugs-Other-SmartShopping_%5BGOO-PLA-RUGS-RUGS%5D&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsIejBhDOARIsANYqkD0FolKCOYZ-Q8LYiXN1bP8k1C2INQGKvy3FGFh-_ebsnaqdvdEJYMQaAgWJEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

This type of rug on patio.

I'm confused why you can't do it? You said your husband works, does childcare and cooks. Maybe DIY isn't his thing? Me and DH 50/50 do DIY but our neighbours the husband does cooking and most childcare, his wife does the gardening, refit a new kitchen etc. If you don't know how/don't feel confident/can't do it then maybe he's the same. Just because he's a man it doesn't mean he has the innate skill to fit a new kitchen

@purpleflowers88

You sound very low/depressed. I'm not entirely surprised given your 'D'H/P sounds like a complete drain. Are you glad you got back together or do you regret it? I couldn't live with someone who is so unmotivated and so disinterested in our home.

Maybe address that first.

DD could easily learn to manage that 'wall' it's only tiny.

your garden just needs a weekend to sort it out to make it useable. Then over time you can add flowers you like. Outdoor rugs are really good now & would improve the patio area no end & a couple of pots would have it looking nice.

it really, really won't take that much to make it nice. DD could have a paddling pool & a swing etc

the inside, honestly, it's not bad. Fix the rails, a couple of coats of a nicer colour paint etc. (your sofa looks very cosy!)

use a chalk paint on the kitchen & a lacquer designed for that and it'll stay nice, longer.

several projects there that would give you a real sense of acomplishment & over the next few months would turn your life around.

but I really do think you need to address the state of your relationship first as you sound so low (hug).

Put some heavy rectangular tubs with small bushes along the length of the wall so she can’t go over it

My DH is the same. He’s not just rubbish at diy but actively destructive (not deliberately!) and doesn’t have any interest in making our home look nice.
So I do it.
So can you.
Stop moaning, roll up your sleeves and make it nice. There are YouTube videos for pretty much everything. I’m no diy or garden expert, but with instructions and occasionally DH for a bit of muscle, it can all be done.