To absolutely hate my house

[purpleflowers88]

I hate it, I never really liked it when we moved in but it was all we could afford in the area.

All plastering is shit (2002 build) half the curtain poles are falling down cos it can't hold the weight. The garden has a fucking raised wall meaning it's not safe for our young daughter. I moved out for a while last year during a separation and he let the garden go to shit. We're on LPG gas so there is a great tank in the corner of what little space we have.
I painted the kitchen over lockdown as it was 90s wood and it improved it but it's peeling. The dog chewed the lino, which looked cruddy already.
All my friends have such lovely houses and nice gardens their children can play in.. and say their partners keep on top of it.. mine doesn't. I've asked for shelves to be put up for 3 weeks. He does no gardening.. no painting, no DIY, has no interest in home improvements.
I know some people don't have a home at all and im lucky but I just need to rant as it's getting me down.

I don't think the ultimate problem is your house, I think it's your relationship and your partner's refusal to take any pride in your home and do any work to maintain and improve it.

Your house and garden look lovely, and just need a good tidy up.

Why don’t you do it and he can look after DD?

YABU, you could make that nice, bit by bit.

If your AIBU is actually 'AIBU to leave a lazy waster of a man', then no, YANBU.

Idea… ask your DP’s mates to come and give you a hand with the plastering… 😈

I would cover your patio with artificial grass with a layer of padding underneath while your DD is so little. We did that with ours when DC1 was small as we have solid stone steps and a solid stone terrace and DC1 is potentially the clumsiest child ever.

move the garden sofa on to the concrete with the back butting up the the step up bit - just leave a gap thats eazsier to concentrate on
You can do it bit by bit

If you invest a bit of time and money into it, you won't solve everything you're not happy about but I think it'll help you love it.

That wall is just like ours was when DD was growing up - we never had an accident with her or her friends - especially at 18 months you're going to be out there with them anyway. An hour here and there digging up/spraying the weeds with certainly help. One or two shurbs to add a bit of colour, either flowering ones or one that have red/orange leaves or a clematis growing up the fence. Looks like you have some garden furniture, even if it's old give it a clean and start using it. Maybe get a tablecloth or coasters so it looks more appealing to sit at.

You're living room shows a home with a young family. Nothing wrong with that.

Get what your saying about your kitchen (I feel the same about our bathroom with mouldy sealant, chipped bath and leaking toilet). Can't afford a replacement, but going to get toilet repaired/replaced, get a toothbrush on dirty chips and flash magic sponge on bath and replace sealant. It won't totally solve it, but it'll improve it.

We have the curtain problem as well in a couple of rooms. DH has had a nightmare trying to solve it, but in the end he put some sort of expanding fixture into the holes and industrial type glue - we've swapped curtains and have lighter ones up there and problem seems to be solved. As it's solved, I'm hoping we can get replacement curtains😂 as the previous ones are 25 years+ old and faded - obviously something in a lightweight fabric though.

To all the women on this thread, and many others, who don't like their husbands/partners whatsoever, and don't seem to realise this...being in a relationship isn't compulsory.

I have a rule, ask DHx2, then attempt myself and if it fucks up he can get a professional in.

Start working outside on the garden shouting ‘X needs her breakfast/lunch’.

You could transform that garden in a weekend, it just needs tidying. Then buy a few pots to put round to tart it up. Tell him, the garden is getting sorted this weekend, your happy to do it but he needs to care for your daughter for the two days.

Your garden looks nice backing on to green space and a weekend of mowing/chucking out things you don’t like, like the bird bath, and put a little picket fence along the raised bit if you’re worried about your daughter falling, would revolutionise it.

your living room is also nice and spacious.

I wonder if you really hate your house or you are just unhappy with your relationship and domestic setup. Have you tried couples counselling xxx

Well my view would be if he is not prepared to do anything to help he will have to pay someone else!

Book a gardener and decorator - get it all done and then hand him the bill and say it’s either this or a divorce - this is the cheaper out of the two.

it is gorgeous. the colours depress you, bring deep blues, yellows , mustards and very little grey .....

The garden just needs a tidy up. Though I say it breezily while sat here annoyed with parts of my garden. A bit of weeding and mowing the lawn would make the world of difference. If it's dry where you are I'd buy some cheap bags of cooking salt and pour that on the weeds around the paving.

The small wall doesn't look dangerous but you could put up a small picket fence if your DD is very clumsy. If it's the odd tumble, she'll soon learn to be careful.

Mostly it looks like the garden could do with some colour. I dug a flower bed out myself but it was back breaking and the grass grows back in way too quickly. If I was doing it again, I'd rent a mechanical sod cutter from one of the local plant hire places and get one of those massive bags of topsoil/compost delivered. I can't do that now because I have roses in my flower beds 😞. A job for later when the weather is good, paint the trellis and the visible parts of the shed in colour too.

Not that you should necessarily have to, but you can do this stuff yourself. I’m single, so do as much as I can myself. Painting and decorating, gardening etc. I’m shit at flat pack furniture though, so I ask for help with that!

Your cupboards can be painted again, sand prime them well, and use a good paint. I did mine during lockdown and they have stood up to cleaning. Add some handles to avoid unnecessary touching which always leaves things grubby over time. I got some from Amazon and was under £20 for the whole kitchen.

Last year our garden was awful, so I dug up all the old grass by hand and redid it. It took time and was backbreaking at points, but I feel so much better about it now that it’s sorted. If you’re concerned about the step then put some outdoor rubber matting down. But honestly, that isn’t a big deal, I wouldn’t worry about it.

It is so easy to get into a rut about this stuff, and I fully believe you shouldn’t need to do it all on your own, but if you tackle each item bit by bit you’ll get there in time.

1 hours work: pour vinegar on weeds in patio slabs, Chuck salt on them.
Put some pots along the edge planted up with instant colour bedding plants.
pull out weeds / grass between the slabs as they die ina few days time.

20 minutes: Living room. Put lively music on, encourage dc to put all toys away in plastic crate, box, whatever you have. Hide them behind sofa if necessary ( toy boxes, not dc)

Main garden just needs a tidy up. Throw out anything that’s broken, put any excess furniture in shed. Tell DH to cut the grass as healthy exercise or give you £30 to pay someone to cut it. I bet he’ll cut it.

I have fibromyalgia so can only do jobs in short bursts. Live alone so only me to do garden and house. It doesn’t always look perfect but the short burst approach helps to get things done.

I know exactly how you feel.
We bought our first house on 2000. It was Rented for over 30years. My dh doesn’t do diy and when he does it’s a quick fix that falls apart. We lived in it for 8 years and only got a proper ( ie one that wasn’t resting on some bricks ) toilet when we decided to sell. It was lovely when we sold it.
Second property. Bought as probate from 2 x 100year olds. We lived in that one and had 3 children for 9 years. The kitchen was falling apart before we even bought it. A friend removed the stained carpet but the grippers were still there 9 years down the line with no carpet. I decorated all the bedrooms and painted everywhere but my dh did nothing. The disabled seat was still in the crappy shower when we moved out. We never invited people around as I was so embarrassed.
It was so bad we couldn’t even sell it. It’s now being done by a builder but again my dh doesn’t know what he’s doing and asked the builder to plumb in the new toilet resulting in the wc being 300mm away from the wall. The doors which he put in don’t open properly and there’s different paint on the walls ( ie same wall two diff types of white paint ). I could go on and on.
im currently sitting our new house ( listed grade 2star and again masses of work needed)
part of the roof leeks and my dh had it fixed. He likes to pretend to builders that he knows what he’s talking about, but he hasn’t got a clue. I’m an architect but he takes no notice of what i say. Hence roofers only did part of the job we paid them £10000 for. It leeks. He won’t get them back. We have 3 buckets under a door under a structural timber that is now only held up with a wing and a prayer. He’s stuck tin foil in holes in the floor, we have holes in the bathroom floor going all the way through to the living room ( so can’t have a wee if there’s anyone here). He again again has done no decoration. Just myself and our children all last summer. So again we invite no one over. I started a room 6 months ago which needs masses of work thinking he’d help if he sees me struggling knocking out bricked up chimneys, lime plastering, etc. But he never did. So I got fed up and it’s been sitting empty and unfinished for months.

I have no idea why we bought another doerupper when I’m having to do it all myself and cant trust him at all with his bodge job mentality
On the garden he mows the grass if I moan about it enough. I however have to cut all the long grass with a pair of scissors at the borders and rake ou5 all the weeds.

It’s exhausting, it’s depressing.
So OP the moral of the story is, never buy a house you don’t like and if you both don’t do diy don’t buy a house that needs it.

Is it possible you need to readdress who does what? It sounds like he’s great with the kids and cooks - perhaps DIY is just not his thing. Your garden is a good size it just needs some love, as do the other rooms.
My best friend hates her house and it shows, in exactly the same way as yours it just shows she doesn’t love it.
Garden is a great size and the wall isn’t dangerous - she just needs showing but yes she probably will take a tumble. Kitchen cupboards probably peeling due to lack of undercoat? Also is that a kettle underneath the cupboard?
Get some storage in the living room for those toys - some nice ones so that they can easily be out away (GLTC do some great ones that we have in our living room!). A bit of a refresh of paint and you will be grand!

That garden could be lovely - weed it, get rid of all the crappy/broken things, mow the lawn, give the furniture a clean, get DD to help you plant new things - but some cheap pots and pansies!

Make it a space for you and her to enjoy this summer

Get some cheap Kalax style storage and boxes for the living room to throw stuff in

Try your local 'free to collect' FB page for bargains - I got a lovely wooden table and chair garden set last year which I painted

It takes time and it's really hard to love a home you are locked in a shit relationship in but if he doesn't give a crap make it yours!

Hi Agatha does vinegar and salt work well
If so how quickly.

Start on one place/room. Sort that hownyou want and move on.

If plaster is crap. Patch and wallpaper, then you can always paint over the wallpaper later. May be a bit dated style wise but great for houses where plastera

You know the friends who asked for help why don’t you ask them to return the favour. Say there are some jobs you need a hand with. What’s the betting he suddenly becomes more able when his friends are involved?

why not join us on this lovely thread!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4722070-daily-project-round-3?page=5&reply=126170447

The principle is that you do one small project every day. Sometimes the projects really are small (like descaling the kettle) and sometimes they are much larger (like making flowerbeds).

We are a friendly group and inspire each other. My house is old, rundown and needs a load of maintenace. But I am chipping away at it bit by bit day by day and over time it is being transformed!

You would be very welcome.