Manners are disappearing in society

[cobbledstone]

I'm heading towards my 6th decade, definitely not 'young' anymore.

I'm starting to notice that the young - those in their 20's, 30's - have much less regard for manners than my generation.

No thank you letters. Don't respond to invitations until last minute (if at all) and won't hesitate to cancel something via text just because it suits.

On their phone at the supermarket instead of acknowledging the cashier.

I'm in the middle of selling our house and it's amazed me just how many potential buyers in that age group have simply disappeared - with zero feedback, positive or negative. One buyer I gave up Sat and Sun for (so her partner could come to look) wasting time with my family and her feedback to the EA was, I was simply being nosey.

FFS!

AIBU? Are 20/30 somethings less concerned about other peoples feelings/commitments/time?

That’s odd, I’ve been experiencing the opposite problem!! I find those in their 20s very polite and caring, especially at work. Complete opposite to those in their 60s!!

Yeah I am finding it the opposite. I find the 'boomer' generation are worse for manners etc than Gen Z/Millennials.

6th decade - not in my 60's!

Late 40's/early 50's generation.

I find Gen Z very polite in most things. Maybe you've just had some bad luck.

I do think norms about making social arrangements have changed due to the fact we all have phones on us all the time. That's not rudeness though.

Can't say I've noticed anything like that. I think thank you letters have just been overtaken by technology, not because people aren't courteous. I'm perfectly happy with a text or WhatsApp message. We've been to a lot of kids parties lately and have received a personal thank you by text/Whatsapp for every one.

Ageism is not a good look.

Rude people are rude, has nothing to do with age.
My mom is in her 70’s, most rudest person you’ll meet, steamrolls over anyone and everyone.
I still wouldn’t go and say it’s people in their 70’s who have no manners.

I do think letter writing has gone out of fashion. Even my bank no-longer writes to me. This isn’t about manners. It’s a result of the availability of cheaper and more instantaneous forms of communication.

No not really

Manners have changed re how you say thank you.

I think Cancellitus is certainly on the rise, but I am not sure it’s any worse for that age group than people in their 40s

Actually I’m finding the opposite

I’d say this too.

Millennials grew up it the between times, when being polite was important, but also standing up for oneself and other’s and gaining the knowledge that people different and that’s okey and you respect that.
Of course not everone got the memo, but still…

Thank you is appropriate dictating the mode is not. Cancelations happen as long as appropriate time, if possible is given it's just unfortunate.

I use my phone while shopping I cross refer prices and lists. I do acknowledge staff. I am nearer 50 than 30.

Property wise it was a few colleagues in their early 60s that like seeing the properties and make a day of it!

So swings and roundabouts.

Do cashiers really give a toss about people engaging with them, don't they get paid either way?

I think the point about cancelling engagements for better offers is true though.

No, I agree. Not sure about it being people in their 20s and 30s, but I'm only saying that because that is my age range and I don't want to be lumped in with these people.

Yes, people seem to be concerned only with themselves and their own feelings. That's why they can cancel by text message and at short notice, because they simply don't give a fuck. They probably call it "self-care" when it's just a total disregard for other people that's at play. People don't acknowledge workers in the supermarket because it suits them better to stay scrolling on their phone. Likewise, the 5 staff hanging around the self-checkout don't acknowledge the customer because they prefer to continue their conversation, even though they are literally paid to stand there and acknowledge us.

I've not written a thank you card since I was a child, so I'm not sure about that aspect, either, but on the whole I know what you mean. I have, though, since then, written a letter to thank somebody for being kind to me.

I think it’s partly that the perception of what is ‘good manners’ changes over time. My grandmother was taught that it was polite for women to keep their hands on their laps at the dinner table (unless eating). It was fairly recently that it was considered good manners for men to stand up if a woman did, that would just feel odd now.

Society evolves, it’s natural that social norms do as well.

Not disappearing, just changing. I’m sure someone from 1900 would find your manners quite rude.

Thank you letters 🙄. I remember being forced to write these to extended family in the 80s as a kid to relatives I'd never met, for 50p sellotaped to a birthday card. It was kind of them to give me anything, but honestly, the most pointless task in the world when the author couldn't give a fuck about it all.

But no - the worst for manners IMO are individuals, not entire cohorts of age-specific people.

I'm not a cashier, but nevertheless, yeah, if I'm working in a job where I have to meet customers all day long I do actually want them to look me in the eyes and say hello and stop using their phone for our incredibly brief interaction. Why shouldn't they? Doesn't need to be the sort of engagement where we learn about each others lives, just this basic courtesy.

Agree with people saying manners have changed, and then some individuals are rude.

I think some people get woefully uptight about proving they're much better mannered than others but what they actually mean is "this other person was polite and reasonable but didn't do something the way I think it ought to be". Thank you cards are an example of this.

Personally, I think a thank you at the time, a text, a photo, voice message, phone call or video message are all acceptable ways to say thank you. They've expressed their thanks, so getting up tight about not getting a thank you card would say more about me than the person saying thank you.

There are rude people in every age group. The pandemic gave us several years indoors without having to consider courtesies much so that's had an impact on all age groups.

Etiquette has changed a bit, I think thank you letters are a bit old skool, especially if you consider how much more postage is now.

The house buying process is completely dysfunctional, it brings out the worst in everybody.

I have young kids and they're taught to consider other people's needs and feelings much more than we ever were. The whole 'snowflake' thing is really a way of mocking young people for being considerate of other people's feelings.

I agree that our culture is becoming more selfish and individualistic, but I disagree that this is because of the younger generation. I actually personally encounter the individualistic attitude in Gen Xers more than anyone else, but that could just be a coincidence.

I was verbally abused by a man of similar age yesterday.. 50 's. Held a lift door open with my case so he didn't get it closing on him (slow on crutches) started ranting about letting people out first.
I muttered I hoped he fell off his crutches.

I always thought I was the only person who found thank you letters awkward. I was made to write letters to complete strangers who I wouldn't have even recognised in the street. I mean what do you even say to a person you have literally no relationship whatsoever with?

I'm definitely not continuing this one with my children as it's so pointless.

I think people are becoming ruder in general when it comes to things like responding to invites etc, I don’t think age has much to do with it.
I think thank you letters have been replaced by thank you texts. The older generation prefer letter writing, the younger generation prefer using technology, nothing to do with rudeness.
In general I find younger strangers more polite than the older ones. I can think of lots of instances where somebody 60+ has been extremely rude to me or witnessed them being rude to someone else, but I can think of very few instances where the same has happened from someone younger.

The only person I wrote letters to in the last 15 years was my grandmother, and she would past 100 year old now...

What's wrong with cancelling by WhatsApp/texts? That's how most things are organised too.

And I personally like to plan in advance but a lot of my friends (with busier schedule or different priorities) want to be more flexible and won't respond until late. If I do need an answer, I just tell them.

What are you expecting from potential buyers exactly? To proactively give feedback on every single house they view? Isn't that the responsibility of the EA? Most would ask right after the viewing or give a quick call the day after to collect feedback.

Most of this isn't about manners, it's about different generations and expectations. A little of flexibility and understanding goes a long way...

Most of the things you listed aren't manners, just traditions which are dying out.