Manners are disappearing in society

[cobbledstone]

I'm heading towards my 6th decade, definitely not 'young' anymore.

I'm starting to notice that the young - those in their 20's, 30's - have much less regard for manners than my generation.

No thank you letters. Don't respond to invitations until last minute (if at all) and won't hesitate to cancel something via text just because it suits.

On their phone at the supermarket instead of acknowledging the cashier.

I'm in the middle of selling our house and it's amazed me just how many potential buyers in that age group have simply disappeared - with zero feedback, positive or negative. One buyer I gave up Sat and Sun for (so her partner could come to look) wasting time with my family and her feedback to the EA was, I was simply being nosey.

FFS!

AIBU? Are 20/30 somethings less concerned about other peoples feelings/commitments/time?

My observations:

Rude younger people become rude older people. It's not generational. But each generation does tend to think 'kids were never like this in my day!' The same was said of the Boomers, and probably for time immemorial before them.

Sometimes rudeness is a positively good thing. Even a self-preservation mechanism. This is particularly the case when strangers are making a nuisance of themselves and women are conditioned from birth to Be Kind. In many respects it's been to our detriment.

Behaviour considered rudeness/mannerless from women is viewed as an acceptable level of assertiveness from a male.

Are 20/30 somethings less concerned about others' feelings/commitments/time? Probably no more so than any other generation did in their 20s and 30s.

I agree op but wouldn't say it's any particular age group. I just find myself grumpily and passive aggressively muttering about please and thank you to shop assistants, people I hold doors open to or give way to on the road etc.

Boomers, on the other hand, have spent many years pulling the ladder up - eg the free education ladder that they benefitted from.
@ILikePizzas

Not the whole generation surely ! I've recently discovered that I just slip into the boomer generation (born mid 60s). It was less common to attend university when I left school and even more so for people older than me (those in their 60s, 70s now), with a lot of people leaving school at 15. The number of people involved in bringing around government changes is minute as a percentage .

I've noticed a lack of good manners over the last few years,but it's not just younger people,it's across all the generations. I've lost count of the times I've had people just letting a door shut in my face (I'm disabled and sometimes struggle with heavy doors) and people just walking through doors without a word of acknowledgement when someone holds it open for them. But the one that really annoys me is when a bus driver waits for someone who's legging it for the bus,and they just jump on and scan their pass. Not a word of thanks to the driver for waiting for them. No wonder so many bus drivers don't bother waiting!

Boomers, on the other hand, have spent many years pulling the ladder up -
That's the offensive bit - as if every one of us (boomers) has single mindedly tried our best to shaft the next generation. It isn't true and it's really offensive. I don't hold the entire electorate that existed during Thatcherism responsible for her evil reign. It's nasty, divisive and actually very dim witted to try to write off an entire generation for something not all of them did. It's no better than the exceptionist entitled behaviour you claim to despise.

I'm not 'entitled' to it, no. Do I find it rude? Honestly, yes. Do i find it odd? Most definitely! I've offered feedback on every property I've viewed (garden too small, not enough parking, too close to main road etc, or even just it's beautiful thank you so much but just not for me!)

Irrespective of whether you like the person's house or not, people surely must understand that the home owner has probably spent the best part of a couple of hours making the house 'show' ready. It takes literally seconds to click the feedback email that agents send afterwards. Relevant here that it's myself as the homeowner who has shown them around. Also, surely the buyer wants to build a relationship with the estate agent who could give them the heads up on a newly listed property that might be more them?

Honestly . To me, it's far more odd that a buyer wouldn't want to build a relationship with the EA. What happens when their dream home is listed and it's with the EA they literally ignored 2 phones calls from a week previously!

It's absolutely rude to cancel plans last minute with a text essentially saying you've had a better offer. In my day, if we said we were going to be there, we would be (except for absolute emergencies)

Society has turned very selfish I find.

Just to clarify for those who can't count, I'm in my late 40's. When I hit 50 I'm in my 6th decade! Born in the 1970's.

Also, having worked as a cashier for over 2 years, I absolutely hated being treated as though I was invisible. There's other examples, it's just one that stuck out at the time (mums handed me chewed wrappers of food their kid had consumed without paying for was my biggest bugbear!)

It's weird that you think it's odd and even weirder that you felt entitled to attribute a moral dimension to it.

People have looked at your house and don't want to buy it. There could be all kinds of reasons, not necessarily ones they'd feel comfortable telling you, and all you really need to know is that they're not making an offer. The fact that you choose to offer feedback yourself is neither here nor there really. It's not the standard and you're clearly the one that's out of step. They don't owe you for the effort you choose to make in attempting to get the best price for your asset. You've done that for your benefit, not theirs.

The comments about the relationship with the EA are strange too. You surely can't imagine you're necessarily going to be party to what goes on between them?

Couldn't disagree with your viewpoint more, so we will simply have to agree to disagree!

Well, some of those things are facts.

There's no agreeing to disagree that you've gone to the effort of prepping the house for your benefit, not theirs. You didn't do it because you wanted them to offer you less, after all.

It's also a fact that you aren't necessarily going to be party to the relationship between an estate agent and a potential buyer, because why would you be really?

Obviously if you still want to maintain that you're owed something from the people who you're trying to get as much money as possible for your asset from, well, it takes all sorts.

Opposite to what your finding, however I do live in a place with an aging population.

Are your generation not the ones responsible for raising these rude and entitled youngsters 😅

I’m 24 and I agree (to a certain extent, obviously it isn’t everyone). Also, via internet, people are less ashamed to ghost or do things they wouldn’t in person

Are people missing that one lot of 'buyers' admitted they had viewed with no intention of buying?

I disagree that thank you cards or letters are necessary. Thanking people by phone, text, WhatsApp or email is perfectly fine as long as you do it promptly. Rudeness is when the thank you is completely forgotten or ignored.

I also see no problems with cancelling something by text or WhatsApp either. Nor can I say that people using their phones at the supermarket checkout is something to get het up over, although I don't actually do it myself.

I do agree that late response to an invitation is rude.

Feedback regarding a house viewing - there is no obligation to give this although when we were last moving house I did always call the agent after we had viewed properties to say we were either interested or not.

I'm well into my sixth decade. I don't think I am unusual.

You couldn't look at it from a different angle if you tried. That's not what I'm saying.

And apparently yes, some posters have missed the point I made about one buyer in particular viewing with zero intention to buy (yes, agree agent should have weeded them out but still - who does that? Wasting everyone's time)

It's understandable that you may perceive differences in behavior and manners between generations. Cultural norms and societal expectations can evolve over time, leading to variations in how individuals of different age groups approach manners and social etiquette.

However, it's important to remember that generalizations about an entire generation may not accurately represent every individual within that age group. While some individuals may exhibit the behaviors you described, it is not fair to assume that all people in their 20s and 30s lack manners or disregard social etiquette.

In any generation, there will always be individuals who prioritize manners and courtesy, while others may have different priorities or approaches to social interactions. It's crucial to approach these observations with an open mind and avoid making blanket assumptions about an entire generation.

If you encounter behaviors that you find disrespectful or lacking in manners, it can be helpful to address them on an individual basis rather than attributing them solely to a specific age group. Open communication and understanding can bridge generational gaps and foster respectful interactions.

Remember that generational differences are natural and to be expected. Each generation grows up in a different social and cultural context, which can influence their attitudes and behaviors. Instead of dwelling on perceived differences, focusing on fostering positive connections and understanding between individuals of different ages can lead to more harmonious interactions and relationships.

You should be shaming people by calling out thanks, when they let the door go in your face. Show them up.

If someone views my home and doesn't like it I couldn't really care less what the reason is because it's likely something I can't change. I would never reply to an email about the house except to say "we are no longer considering it."

I would actually think to write something like "garden too small" to be both a waste of my time and the owners because the garden isn't gona change and it's not helpful to the owners. We've also viewed houses which look a lot more modern and up to date and I think if I wrote "house run down, felt lied to by pictures" or "owners not kept house to my standard" that would also be unhelpful and actually quite rude.

I think you have extremely high standards for people I would never leave a comment about why I didn't like a strangers house.

As for the letter writing- it's expensive, massively time consuming and a total waste to the environment when a text can convey exactly the same sentiment.

I also don't really engage with shop staff because honestly I'm exhausted talking to people all day at work- I just want grab my bread and go home without a chat about the weather. I'm there to shop not make friends. I've also worked jobs like this and hate when people make idle chit chat i just can't be bothered. I'm polite say please and thank you but that's it, I don't owe them chat and I doubt they care.

I do sometimes agree to things that I then change my mind about but if you give 12hrs or more notice that's fine. As long as the other person hasn't been cooking and shopping all day then that's different.

You do have quite old fashioned views and I think are very over sensitive

On the house viewers - having been through this myself recently multiple times where viewing cancellations happened 5 minutes before - I had put my heart and soul into cleaning, arranging to be out etc. Angry as I was at their ‘entitlement’, I agree with the commenter above that it’s our choice as sellers as to how we try and maximise our gains. Also that the process is massively broken and enables people to act in an entitled way (including making offers then stringing us along for weeks before pulling out with a few daft sounding words). There are lots of things like this I think bring out the worst in people but I put it down to mismatched values and society today being more able to choose what their individual values are.

I think people across the board seem less well mannered. Definitely do not think it is age related.

I agree that manners have gone south.

However im not sure it is a generational thing, more of a societal shift.

I think various things are to blame, electronics are a big part of it, covid did not help and I don't think the americanisation of our culture is conducive to good manners. I wince when I'm in America and hear people order food. Theres no asking, just demanding.

A couple sat behind me in a UK restaurant at the weekend wanted to "get' some items off the menu, no please can I have, no thank yous were said. Then they proceeded to play loud videos on their phones. Awful.

I'd say they were early forties so no blaming the young going on here.

And don't even get me started on queue jumping!

I think it's entirely natural, as we get older, to feel that the people younger than us are getting it wrong/somehow inadequate/going to hell in a handcart. It's a pretty standard "get off my lawn" response, and it's often because as we get older we feel less secure in the world, and look for ways to remind ourselves of our superiority (for lack of a better word, sorry).

I find it helpful to think about the fact that 60ish years is such an insanely miniscule interval in the history of the earth, so realistically, absolutely fuck-all has changed.

I wince when I'm in America and hear people order food. Theres no asking, just demanding.

I see and hear the same thing here in the UK, definitely not just an American thing.

I notice the lack of manners from many different generations including older ones where I have to ask multiple times to get past them because they thought it best to stop in the middle of an aisle or worse a busy street and intersection and then look at me as if I’m the rude one after I’ve asked about five times and have a queue behind me.

I see a major lack of self-awareness and surroundings and most of the people are not on phones.

Re responding to invitations at the last minute, that could be because of work shifts. The world of work has changed. As has the amount school expects from parents. Hospital appointments etc can't be changed like they used to be able to. I think that life is borderline overwhelming for a lot of people. I'm in my late 50's. I don't always get off my phone in shops, the calls can't be carried out later. Are you sure that your shift hasn't come about because your life is less busy, or your commitments less now you are older?