Manners are disappearing in society

[cobbledstone]

I'm heading towards my 6th decade, definitely not 'young' anymore.

I'm starting to notice that the young - those in their 20's, 30's - have much less regard for manners than my generation.

No thank you letters. Don't respond to invitations until last minute (if at all) and won't hesitate to cancel something via text just because it suits.

On their phone at the supermarket instead of acknowledging the cashier.

I'm in the middle of selling our house and it's amazed me just how many potential buyers in that age group have simply disappeared - with zero feedback, positive or negative. One buyer I gave up Sat and Sun for (so her partner could come to look) wasting time with my family and her feedback to the EA was, I was simply being nosey.

FFS!

AIBU? Are 20/30 somethings less concerned about other peoples feelings/commitments/time?

Well you can stuff your ageist "boomer" hatred up your respective arses. It's fucking ridiculous.

So Boomers didn't get free education and Tony Blair (born 1953) didn't introduce fees? Sorry. I'll listen to you and I'll stop believing my lying eyes!

I'm in the middle of selling our house and it's amazed me just how many potential buyers in that age group have simply disappeared - with zero feedback, positive or negative. One buyer I gave up Sat and Sun for (so her partner could come to look) wasting time with my family and her feedback to the EA was, I was simply being nosey.

FFS!

You think you're entitled to feedback when you're selling your house? That's odd.

I think young people's manners are on the whole better now than 30 or 40 years ago- with of course exceptions. What may be true is that young people on the whole are less likely to express themselves in writing. So they do thank people, but often orally or by e-mail or text rather than a letter (though I still do get thank you letters).

The rudest people in my experience tend to be (a minority of!) middle-aged men.

It's not an age thing, as I find people the same age as you incredibly rude, selfish and entitled.

It's a society thing, spurred on by this ' everyman for himself' attitude exemplified by this Government.

Hopefully it's not too late to go back to a kinder, decent society one day.

It's not rudeness/ lack of manners, it's just cultural shift. What you consider impolite is not the same as what they consider impolite. You are just a bit out of touch with the norms of their generation, it doesn't mean they are rude.

Think you've just proved the posters point there, to be honest.

Those Boomers, who got higher education at all, got it free. However, only a rather small minority went to university at all; and many got no education beyond the age of 16 or even 15.

If OP is 'heading towards her sixth decade' she is Gen X, not a Boomer.

(Hello from a fellow Gen X, OP).

Although not applicable to the OP, the ageist comments about Boomers on this thread are disgusting. And what nonsense about 'expecting the same respect as their parents who fought in the war'!

All the Boomer hate - would anyone have turned down the opportunities they had, just in case in a few decades time other people wouldn't have it so good? Doubt it.

Like others have said, I am finding the complete opposite. The 60+ generation seem to be feeling very entitled at the moment, with a strong "sod everyone else as long as I'm OK" mindset. When I recently fell over, very embarrassingly, while in the street recently, all the offers for help came from under 25 year olds - the older ones stood and watched and probably gossiped.

I think maybe feminism has changed things. I renmember nagging the DCs to send thank you notes to rellies. But there was less stuff in those days and a gift had more value.
But now I would feel it wasn’t my job. If rellies are offended then they won’t send another pressie. Also thanking people on behalf of my family -keeping tabs on who gave what. Am less inclined now.

Well the boomers are dying off so they’ll have to find someone else to hate !

If we're generalising entire generations then it's Boomers that win the rudeness prize, hands down.

(Worked in retail and then customer service for a decade. Still scarred.)

I'm about to enter my seventh decade. I have never written a thank-you note, and never will. They are purely an indicator of middle-classness, and I have no desire whatsoever to conform to middle-class conventions. I avoid responding to invitations because I don't want to receive invitations and resent having to make the effort to respond, especially when the kind of people who send invitations seem to expect anyone who declines to justify themselves rather than just honestly say they don't want to come. I loathe the concept of "manners". People should be considerate and acknowledge when other people are doing things for them (hence "please" and "thank you" are obligatory in my opinion), but other people imposing rules about when and how you should do things is unacceptable.

I didn’t say you were 60! Unless I work with you and have guessed your age wrong!!

Youngest Boomers aren't even 60 yet, so they've hardly got one foot in the grave.

Boomers are obsessed with saying "[Insert age] isn't old".

They think they are going to live forever.

I definitely do think manners are on the decline, but I'm not attributing it to any particular generation.

I'm thinking more of a general free for all rather than an orderly queue for a bus - the last shall be first, etc.

Pushing in a tiny space nearly knocking someone over instead of going around them.

Walking three, four abreast on the pavement and not moving for one person approaching.

Not saying thank you for a kind gesture.

Barging past people muttering Sorry rather than Excuse me.

Can think of better examples than the OP provided, which are more of a change in culture, but since lockdown I do think people have more of an entitled attitude.

@FatOaf I’ve never related to a MN post so much! I have a French friend and I always admire that she says “no thanks, I don’t want to come”. I find it refreshing rather than this weird dance we have to do to be polite.

All the Boomer hate - would anyone have turned down the opportunities they had, just in case in a few decades time other people wouldn't have it so good

It’s not their good fortune or accepting the opportunities that came their way that’s the problem; it’s the refusal to recognise their privilege, and insistence that everything they now have is a product of their own hard work and exceptional strength of character rather than circumstance.

I get that it’s wrong to tar all Boomers with the same brush, but without exception my parents, older relatives and their friends all think this way, are scathing towards younger generations and horrendously rude to the (generally younger) staff who are unfortunate enough to serve them in shops and restaurants (because, despite coming from humble origins themselves, now they’ve made their money they see anyone working in hospitality as automatically beneath them).

I'm 29 and I don't think it's rude not to send a thankyou letter as long as you say thankyou for a gift in person/via text message. I also think cancelling things via text is fine if you give enough notice and a reason. You're right that people should RSVP to things though.

In my experience, the people who have been the rudest to me in my life have been older women. Specifically when I had a baby, commenting on my weight (3 weeks after giving birth) and telling me how they did things and offering all the opinions on how I was doing things wrong. I've made a mental note not to be like that should my son ever have children.

Isn’t the idea of ‘manners’ to do things to make others happier/more comfortable. So a thank you of some form tells the giver that the gift has arrived and is appreciated. My DC do still write thank you notes because my relatives like getting letters. We also get them in return, although I don’t care what form a thank you takes! It’s no different (to my mind) than keeping your mouth shut when chewing…makes no odds to the person eating, makes everyone else at the table happier.

What a demeaning attitude . We all get paid for doing our jobs - but how rude is it if customers / colleagues / managers don't even acknowledge that the worker is there .

I don't think its a generational lack of manners- there are rude people of every age. But I guess generationally different age groups might find different things rude or appreciate different things as good manners.

I would text a thank you message rather than write but I do phone older family members to thank them as I know they appreciate that more. However I know multiple people nearer my age who find out of the blue phone calls rude- as it is a sudden demand of your time and attention wheras a text can be read and answered at leisure.
Same as my nan would find it dreadfully bad manners to drink out of a bottle or can but thought nothing of looking through your bathroom cupboards. But it wouldn't cross my mind to care if someone pours their cider out into a glass- and would never dare go through someones drawers.

I was a cashier for a while, had no problem with people on their phones- most of whom would look up and smile or say thank you at the end. They were just doing their thing and letting me get on with my job. I did find people rude who complained about my speed,
Snatched items out of my hands while I was still scanning them,
Dropped cash on my till instead of handing it to me,
Ripped their own reciept (wonkily) out of the dispenser
Or only started searching for their purse after I had bagged all their shopping.
And those people were of all ages but most commonly people in their 50-60s